I am no longer pretending

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I am no longer pretending to understand things I don't understand and I'm finding people don't like it. Perhaps they don't like it because they have to explain things. Well, I think life is about give and take and I should not be the one to always give. When family members say something that upsets me I let them know. No, I cannot "take a joke" when I don't know it's a joke. They can adapt to me sometimes instead of me always adapting to them. They can learn to communicate with me just as I have learned to communicate with them.

A few days ago one of my friends posted "Hope believes God is not yet done" as her Facebook status. I replied with "why does the Bible say ....." then copy and pasted a few Bible verses about hope. I thought her quote, without the context, contradicted her beliefs, I took it literally.

Today on the phone my mom asked me why I didn't use make-up to cover up the dark circles under my eyes that are caused by allergies. I replied, "because I don't want to." Then she said "I was just joking." How was I supposed to know that was a joke? I can't stand having makeup of any kind on my face. If people think I look tired then that's their issue not mine. If you think something is wrong just ask me. It just so happened the day and event in question was Christmas Eve at my aunt's house. There were a lot of people there and I was very overwhelmed. There normally is a place I can go where there are not many people but not this year. There was noise and people everywhere. Plus, we had gone to church before going to my aunt's house. It was a big church that ended up needing to sit people in the overflow rooms. It was a contemporary service so the music was loud. I enjoyed myself but I was on major overload even before I got to my aunt's house. I'm tired of trying to explain things to people.

Thankfully I didn't have to explain much of anything to my new doc. After years of explaining difficulties I was having to my therapist and old psychiatrist and being told it as all anxiety, I finally have a doc who agrees with me that there is some things that need to be investigated further. I described a little about school growing up and he agrees that my thought processes and problems with school are related to my issues with the trouble I have keeping my apartment clean. Major relief of having someone finally get it. Without me having to ask he said I need to have testing done to find out where the problem is. I drive almost 2 hours to see him but I really don't mind, it's a small price to pay to know I am being understood. He offered to find someone who does the testing closer to me but I'd rather go to someone he knows and trusts. Besides, my little niece lives close to the university where he works as do a few other people I know.

Sounds like a good plan!

Ever time I want to just stop pretending I get someone telling me ever one else knows just what you are going through. Really really know so they have the things I have and know what it's like to live one of my days.

I remember the day that I stopped pretending. It was such a great feeling.

I think I've been doing that by default. Yeah, I don't get when people are making jokes too.

I like not pretending, although I get a lot more of people accusing me of deliberately being difficult, when the truth is what they are saying makes no sense to me.

I just love when people say you can tell when they are joking they are smiling. Well what about the times they are not smiling and still joking. How on earth I'm I to know? I just want them to come out and say yeah we are joking.

If it seems ridiculous, then it's probably a joke. And if it isn't, who cares? Just pretend it is anyway.

or how can you tell when you are talking on the phone

Good for OP. Pretending too much punishment for too little reward. Much better to be self.

It's so exhausting too!

BTW I love your kitty. My kitty is sitting on me and watching me type this. I need to upload a pic of her for my avatar.

Sometimes I think they decide it's a joke to make them less guilty for saying something offensive.
There's always a half truth to a joke. I used to tell people that when I was younger. Why say something like that and not be serious?

I hardly ever smile when I'm joking. If I am smiling, it's a sure sign I'm going to destroy the delivery and I should stop.

169Kitty

Good for you, hopefully you'll find a way to navigate the social /family expectations whilst feeling more true to yourself. I can certainly relate to that feeling.

I hope you continue to get support from your new doctor & that the testing will be of some help, it certainly helps to be believed and feel less alone.

My dad made a reputation out of having a hard time finishing a good joke. He starts laughing half way through and can't talk. It makes the joke twice as fun. You really have to be into to make that work though.

To the OP:
I think not pretending all the time is a good thing, good luck to you.

Totally agree. I think people always have a serious meaning when they are joking. They just try to pass if off as a joke so they can get by with it.