Thanks God
God make problems easier.
God has alleviated the problem.
Before conversion to Christianity
it was a very serious problem.
It is not a single problem.
It starts three years ago.
I call it the problem of NKVD,the Soviet secret police in 1930s,or the problem of Yezhov.
I have a NKVD in my mind,which usually make me mad.
The NKVD never do good things,it often accuse me of crimes that do not even exist.
Its works like the NKVD,so I call it my NKVD.
I don't call it the KGB because KGB is better than my NKVD.
I even call it a political party,the Black Alliance(BA).I call it black because it is evil.
BA usually accuse me of crimes that do not exist,theft,robbery(I am not a fit person,I could not rob and never want to),hurt and even murder.
One day I SMSed to a friend and get his reply in order to prove to the BA that he has not been murdered by me.
I was always trying to acquit myself of crimes that do not exist.
BA wants to push me to the authority to confess crimes that do not exist.
I don't know why the Moscow Trials drive me mad like that.
After reading the book by Orlov,I have a pulse to go to the police and confess to be spies of US and Russia on the court.
The pulse,although week,still exist now.
Thank God
Christian Fundamentalists has defeated the BA one month ago.
It is becoming weaker and weaker.
I want to ban it but maybe I still need to wait for several months...
I could hardly get rid of it now.
I had the problem one and a half year before I know NKVD and 1984
After reading Orwell's <1984> I found out in terror that I,myself is the Oceania.
I had doublethink and extensive guilt.
I was always purging myself.
I don't know why...