Trying to hide it feels worse
So I try to hide it sometimes. I know it's what is expected and I try so that I won't have to explain myself. Then I end up doing something stupid or saying something rude to someone then later intrusive nagging thought of my mistakes looping over and over.
Do overloads make you do things you regret or say things you regret?
btbnnyr
Veteran
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Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago
I kinda sorta regret almost everything that I say to anyone who is not my mother or my father. I replay what I said earlier, and it seems like there was something not quite right about it, but I am not sure what was not quite right, and I am not sure whether or not it was taken badly, and I am not sure if I regret saying it or not, and I vacillate between regretting and not regretting, and I never have any feeling that it is definitely one way or the other, but everything is so ambiguous, like if what I said was inappropriate, or if what I said offended someone, or what I feel about what I said, because everything that I say feels right when I say it, and very few things seem rude to me, but I am sure that many things are taken as rude by others. I find it almost impossible to monitor myself in real-time, and it is difficult even in writing, because it is difficult not to say eggsacly what you is inside your mind when it feels so right to say what is inside your mind, and you are not sure what the alternative things to say could possibly be that would state your point too. I just hope that others will not be too offended. The people that I communicate with for serious things know that I am autistic, and some of them know about autism, so hopefully, they will know that I am not intending to say something that they consider to be "off", "odd", "rude", "wrong", etc etc etc.
Nikadee43
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 15 Oct 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: Seattle
Indeed. Although i didn't know i had it until now, i was constantly trying to "not be weird" and that's usually when i end up saying ridiculous things. When im trying hard to fit in with others. Lately I've just been keeping quiet, which may or may not be the best solution but id rather say nothing most of the time than regretable things all the time.
I shut down verbally when I get overwhelemed. It makes me unable to say the things I need to say. I regret the things I DON'T say a lot more than the things I do say. Like the times when I am upset, but don't know what to say or can't get the words out at the right time...those are the things that loop in my head over and over, days weeks months or even years after the event.
If I'm rude, or I tell someone off while I'm angry, it doesn't bother me later, because I got those words out of my system. But if I didn't say anything, when those words finally come to mind they just recirculate over and over in my head and drive me crazy. Sometimes I get mad at people way after the fact because I just wasn't able to respond at the time it happened.
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