what is the main thing that segregates aspies?

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what is the main thing that is preventing aspies from making true friends and being treated fairly. i always see NT people very happy and cheerful and i always feel so sad. i always try to blend in but others don't see it. neurotypical people can make mistakes and make people get over it very fast whereas aspies like me are not able to do so. neurotypical people can do wierd or silly stuff without getting picked upon. why is it that neurotypicals can be significantly different from others yet not bullied or picked upon whereas aspies like me who try to act like everyone else can't get acceptance from others. i have an aspie score of 137

Esoteric interests and (lack of) communication skills, in my opinion.

Seconded.

This and the lack of tolerance and acceptance from most NTs.
NTs see the lack of communication skills as rude and anti-social and the interests as selfish.
Aspies look the same as NTs so we are judged by our poor social skills by people that know little or nothing about aspergers. They just assume that we are rude.

Let me add, inability to form connections. I find that sometimes, NTs really dont care about whats coming out of your mouth as long there's a connection. I've had some conversations with NTs at work that went fine cause the body language and everything else was there, even if some of the verbal content was misintrepretted or did not come out correctly.

NTs can joke around and say dumb things, it depends on the way you say it. Cause if the same verbal message gets said in a way that doesn't flow with its surroundings, then thats when NTs don't accept it.

I've always wondered about this too. My social interaction has always been rather satisfactory, compared to other Aspies I have read about here. I've always been able to understand body language and tone of voice and all of that, without having to teach myself, it's more from instinct. So I am able to ''read'' other people, but I don't think that really helps. I can ''read'' people quite easily, but it still doesn't get me anywhere when it comes to making friends because it's finding what to say which is the most hardest for me. I also find it very hard to ask the other person questions during a conversation, (I always have found that hard), and it can look like I'm not interested in them, which I am, I just find asking questions hard. I also find it hard to speak up in group conversations, because I can't seem to get a word in edgeways with NTs, and I think they notice that I'm shy so they don't always bother to include me or give me time to say something (even though I make normal eye contact and I've even taught myself to smile and look socially enthusiastic). But also, another reason why I don't make friends properly is because I am not particularly interested in anything, so I am boring, and also I have trouble making conversations with people who I don't know yet because I'm not sure what they're like to talk to yet until I give them a chance, and also I say stupid things what are irrelevant, and can sometimes make me look odd. Or sometimes I say things what I wished I hadn't, and I also act too thick a lot of the time, so people start thinking that I'm a bit backward and suspect learning difficulties. Also I find I am ''too nice''. I am not honest enough - if somebody is upsetting me, I still let them go on, instead of hinting or telling them, and then people end up taking advantage of me or just thinking I'm naive and stupid. But it's only because I fear conflict, and I worry that if I do stand up for myself I might say the wrong thing and then lose friendships all together.

But it's funny - whenever I see NT females talking to eachother or to males, they always sound like how I would sound when talking, and they kind of act how I would act, and so on. So I can't see how much I am different, unless you have to be with a person a lot to get to know how they really attract friends.


But, really, I think it boils down to social confidence. And confidence doesn't necessarily mean extroverted, but 99 percent of average NTs have that social confidence in them, whether they're shy or introverted or whatever, they still have that kind of knack in them. I lack social confidence, I go to say something appropriate then I hold back and just stay quiet, because there seems to be some fear there that prevents me from interacting normally, so I just look disinterested, quiet, boring and shy in an unusual way, and they can sense the lack of social confidence. Or if I do say something, it's normally a complaint about something, and because I'm anxious about everything, of course I complain about everything, and that seems to drive people away too and make them think ''God, she's always moaning!'' That's what my problem is.

Last edited by Joe90 on 13 Jan 2012, 7:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Most people on this forum seem intent on segregating themselves.

I think fear of rejection. If it's happened enough, it's hard to care anymore.

If I am lucky to find people who accept who I am, I still have a hard time believing that they really want to be around me.

This.

inability to engage in small talk and other verbal-bonding inane chatter.

Lack of social skills
My issue is the inability to make friends, as well as the disinterest in actually forming close friendships. Unless of course, they are like the ones in anime.

We are different, so people fear us. And they don't really want to hang out with weird folk. So we are left to fight for ourselves.

granted I was lucky enough to have acquaintances who would always try to get me to sit with them at the lunch table, But during lunch all I wanted to do was eat lunch, use the restroom, and go to the library (my routine), I was uncomfortable if I was not allowed to do either of those things... So they were more annoying that helpful...

It's none of the above. If a nonautistic doesn't like you it's because they get a weird pre-conscious read on you. Nothing to do with social skills. Now, if you're having trouble with smart, classy NTs, that's a secondary matter, maybe social skills or your other things. But the isolation most of you feel from most people is a purely animal reaction to something they can't process.

This is so on the money. Too much esoteric interests is bad for aspies.

If only they would go to church and watch more TV, but no, they just have to put their noses in books and read forbidden texts dont they???

heresy and blasphemy are rife amongst their filthy, pox laden ranks

Hmmm,,

For me? Its the social skills mainly. And a lot of that got better over time, but not all. You DO have to make eye contact in Job interviews afterall. And sometimes make small talk. I think going to college actually helped me, I got exposed to a lot of different people (though I did have the share of bullying/rejection we always get. About that, I just quit caring. No one can ignore something like an autistic person can!). I also met a girl there who actually accepted me even though I was different. A beautiful girl, I might ad.
But problems still remain. I have trouble even telling a white lie & a lot of people find that callous I guess. And I'm still very OCD about things & routines.

Sincerely,
Matthew

In my humble opinion, too many Autistics idealize the lifestyles of NTs. The campaign against bullying did NOT begin because of concern over the difficulties of one percent of the population. Bullying is widespread and Bullies tend NOT to discriminate simply based upon a neurological predisposition. Often-times, bullies prey on those who appear different, weaker, and powerless to address physical and psychological abuse. Since, Autistics are a misunderstood minority who have more inherent social problems and medical issues compared to society at large; Autists become easier targets for bullying.

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I see two competing factors with regards to segregation: A desire to be included in certain aspects of society yet a natural instinct to reject society in it's current state. The answer to your question lies in the statement highlighted above. Unless, you truly have good to academy award winning acting skills; people can sense when you are pretending to be something THAT you are NOT. The result is rejection. Why? People don't take into consideration THAT you are acting to fit in or belong. They simply brand you a fake and ostracize you.

It's important to be who YOU ARE. And, LOVE THE HELL OUT OF IT, no matter what ! !

TheSunAlsoRises

I don't agree that the main problem is not having appropriate social skills, simply because I have them and likewise with confidence. (although you certainly have a point with esoteric interests and forbidden knowledge!)

You see, the thing is that socials skills come in all shapes and sizes. I couldn't get along with people my age, simply because I couldn't possibly deal with partying and going out and getting drunk as a form of entertainment and i'm not immature enough to fit in with them in the first place. I don't even bother trying these days.

However, I can and do get along pretty well with older people. My working relationships are frankly better than virtually any NT's and I can get along perfectly well with the people down at the shooting club, and I guess i'm friends with a chap from a previous workplace. He's got a little sailing yacht which requires two people to sail properly and one of my interests (obsessions, maybe?) is naval history, and I didn't learn tens of thousands of years of history without learning the important theoretical basics of sailing. His partner hates sailing, and the yacht by extension, which means we go sailing and meet up with people at a pub and defrost afterwards when the weather suits. It's not done for the last month, obviously!

Now, I can deal with that. Yet, I do not have a group I would define as "friends". I would say that at a very basic level, I am not interested in socialising. A good long introspective look at my entire life suggests to me that all of my friendships have been basically based around common interests. When one of us has given up on those interests, I have failed to keep in touch with them.

In turn I shall now await someone shooting my theory to bits with their life experience with great interest.