Reflecting on & Rationalizing pre-Dx experiences - easie

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Jayo
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25 Jan 2012, 7:44 am

As an adult Aspie in my 30s, diagnosed (and treated) about 10 years ago, I realize that my core symptoms will never completely fade away to fall within a "normal" range, but I've found, as others on this forum may have found, that certain pre-diagnosis experiences that originally didn't make sense suddenly do. I don't mean the ones on which I got direct feedback, but the indirect kind. :? Due to my vast and far-extending memory, I can actually recall moments where somebody made a certain face or glance towards someone, and though previously this was just an arbitrary memory, I can actually attach significance to that nonverbal nuance in the context of a situation that occurred in the 1990s.

I can also recall moments where I said something out of place, and although I wasn't rebuked for it, I think today "OMG, I can't believe I actually said that, what was I thinking??! !" 8O Again, I can remember that certain looks were made or exchanged and realize what they meant, or why people made certain cryptic comments to me shortly after - as if trying to call a problem to my attention but not saying it directly. Again, those are no longer arbitrary memories, and I find that I can apply those learnings more successfully to current situations in the past. :D

Even on a couple of dates, I can remember the girl looking at me kind of funny and then looking down at my plate a couple of times rapidly, indicating that I was perhaps eating too fast and not talking to her enough. So in the early-mid-2000s post-dx, I applied that learning and it seems to have gotten me more successful with dates and no doubt helped me find my current wife. :)

It does seem like a tragic irony of Aspergers that the more one receives indirect feedback on their "odd" behaviour, the less likely one is to recognize it. So I believe that this method of leveraging your gift for long-term memory and analysis can really go a long way in making things better. True, it might not alleviate the issue 100%, because our main challenge is spontaneous processing of situational context (very dynamic and diverse!!) but it can help with eliminating certain generally undesirable behaviours regardless of context. Maybe you've used this method too, and could recount your experiences.



Sharkgirl
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25 Jan 2012, 8:57 am

I agree your method of replaying life situations and especially the looks or subtle things people hinted at can be very enlightening in post diagnosis hindsight.
God i wish that people would just state the obvious - i repeatedly ask people for blunt feedback and unfortunately this is regarded as strange by NT's.
It is amazing how all of lifes confusing situations and ones strange habits and thoughts suddenly all make sense and the world starts to fall into place once the diagnosis is confirmed.
I never thought that getting a diagnosis would be so liberating but now rather than get confused by myself and others around me i just put most things down to autism and shrug my shoulders and cut myself some slack.
I love being different, at least now when i replay old scenarios back in my head I smile with self acceptance rather than spend hours wondering why i do the things that I do or how badly they could be interpreted by others.
I don't suffer from autism anymore I thoroughly enjoy it.


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Jayo
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25 Jan 2012, 8:30 pm

Sharkgirl wrote:
I agree your method of replaying life situations and especially the looks or subtle things people hinted at can be very enlightening in post diagnosis hindsight.
God i wish that people would just state the obvious - i repeatedly ask people for blunt feedback and unfortunately this is regarded as strange by NT's.


I totally agree with your 2nd statement, more than you could imagine. That is what I call one of the "tragic ironies" of Aspergers - you are indirectly rebuked for your social cognitive failings, but if you ask for direct feedback, that's considered a social faux-pas unto itself :( It only confirms peoples' suspicions of you being a "weirdo", without giving you the means to get one step further out of the weirdo state, at no cost to them.