Don't mind me; I'm just bitter.

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I have been wanting to write this for several weeks now but kept putting it off. Part of it is just procrastination. There are so many things I want to address that the idea of putting it all down in writing has been daunting. I am also worried about wording it correctly so as not to upset people or ostracise myself from the community even further. That is the opposite of what I want.
In this post I plan to openly and honestly discuss my grievances in the hope that somebody will relate to me or at least help me understand why I feel so uncomfortable.

I will start with just that: feeling uncomfortable. Joining WrongPlanet has been incredibly confusing for me. To begin with, I was overcome with relief as I read threads full of people experiencing problems just like mine, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was in the right place. After a few weeks, however, I was beginning to feel like an outsider among outsiders. There were a few reasons for this;
a) I do not like the jargon that is used frequently within the community. “Aspie” and “NT” just rub me up the wrong way. I'm not even sure why. I think it's because, with the “ie” suffix, they imply something cutesy and trivial. I don't like the fact that AS has become almost trendy. You guys claim that WP isn't an "exclusive members club" but it doesn't half feel like one sometimes, what with the frequent "NT's don't understand" stuff. The whole point is that we don't want to be excluded or looked down on but the attitude of many on WP towards so-called "neurotypicals" is frankly disturbing. "Neurotypical" is almost used as a derogatory word.
b) I don't buy into the whole “ASPIE PRIDE!” thing. Being proud of achieving something despite your Asperger's is one thing, but to be proud of the Asperger's itself is ridiculous. Why would you be proud of something you have no control over?
c) People (and I'm talking outside of WrongPlanet now) who flaunt Asperger's like a fashion accessory (both diagnosed and self-diagnosed). This doesn't just apply to Asperger's; it's the case with many disorders. They'll reference their disorder in their screen name or signature, or somebody will start a thread about mental disorders and everybody will pile in listing all the things they reckon they have, like it's some competition. They take pride in being “messed up” or “crazy”.

This is a world I've been thrust into and I'm not sure I like it. This is the reason why my life has been so cripplingly difficult, why I suffered reactive depression, why doctors thought I had been sexually abused by my parents. To see people treating it as a kind of superior lifestyle is humiliating. I find it uncomfortable to read about people congratulating each other on getting diagnosed. It makes me wonder why things are different for me. Everybody seems to find something positive as a result of their autism but I don't have anything.

And I guess that makes me bitter. Maybe even jealous.

I'm not really sure what else to say.

I don't think you're bitter or jealous; your experience has been different from other people's. You can't help the way you feel.

For some people getting a diagnosis is the culmination of a long and difficult quest to find out what's 'wrong' with them. Some people seem to enjoy being autistic. Their experiences are not any more or less valid than yours.

FWIW, I find the way that people talk about 'aspies vs. NTs' on this site alienating, too. I suppose it's just some people blowing off steam

I know the feel bro, seriously I do. I am almost repulsed by the way some people want to take the whole I'm an aspie and im proud of it,like they are something superior to your everyday person. It what makes me not want to believe the reality that we have it in common.

I wrote out a big reply but changed my mind and just want to make it simple...

"Aspie" is silly... I agree... I sort of avoid it, forced myself to type it a couple of times but decided not to do it to myself again after.

People do get on NTs here something, but I think it doesn't happen as much as people say. I think it just might be someone who is bothered by the idea could easily take the tone as being anti neurotypical because usually NT on this board means "someone who is different than most of the rest of us"

Celebrating diagnosis I think relates to your 3rd paragraph in your second sentence. its relief to know for sure that some things like stimming or studdering or eye contact issues are things to cope with, not to cure. Imagine someone who has tried their whole life to stop theirself from fidgeting and failing at doing so learning that they don't have to stop, they just need to find more subtle ways to do it... I would think that person would be happy to find that out

I dislike "Aspie" and try to avoid using it. If you catch me using it, it's because I couldn't find a more euphonious way to phrase my point.

NT is a term created by members of the autistic community to describe people who are not autistic without calling them "normal." It's actually "neurotypical," and "NT" isn't meant to be anything more than an acronym, and not cuteification.

As far as neurotypicals not understanding, I find this is actually often true. My conversations with my mother are often fruitless because either I am not explaining myself well enough or she's not listening well enough, or both. When I ask her for clarification on something, she says I shouldn't be confused, when the truth is that I am because I am missing some perception that would make what she says not confusing. Having passed some of these comments to people who aren't autistic, I received several possible explanations that would never have crossed my mind.

I also think that people here are mostly letting off steam about bad experiences with NTs, but a lot of NTs do post here somewhat regularly.

I think you misunderstand what "pride" means in this context. It's not the same kind of pride as taking pride in one's achievements. Rather, it's a counter to cultural shame. That is, society basically produces a lot of really terrible commentary about autistic people. If you watch a documentary that focuses on professionals, you will almost certainly hear a line like "missing an essential part of being human" used to describe autistic people. Pride in this context says, "I'm not inferior." not "I wrote a book/ran a marathon/got a degree/etc."

Wikipedia says this about gay pride:

As far as "aspie superiority" goes, that's pride taken too far, and really is distasteful. I don't care for it in the least.

technically, the shortened form of asperger's syndrome should be aspy, which would be pluralised to aspies. but words that are more commonly used as plurals often lose the 'y' when reverted it to singular form. basically the 's' is removed without changing the 'ie' to a 'y'.

the same thing happens with words like calory and booby (as in the bird), etc. the popular spellings have changed with time because of the tendency to pluralise those words.

but OP, i think you would dislike it just as much as aspy or aspie because the point is that you don't like the cutesy diminutive, no? i did get the point, but i've done a lot of thinking about the etymology.

your post comes across as very judgemental. it's kinda like moving to another country and criticising the culture instead of trying to integrate. not that it is imprtant to anyone whether you want to be part of the culture, but at the same time it's not necessary to make us feel bad for finding a comfortable home in our traditions.

When I first became aware of the existence of WP I almost cried for joy; after nearly 40 years of feeling in a sense like the only person in the world to discover that there was this community of people who had suffered in similar ways was such a relief.

The initial period of elation eventually wore off and I began to feel depressed again. I had rediscovered that people are people everywhere. It was a foolish dream I had to think I found people who thought just like me.

For a while I took a break from WP. If it gets to you you should do the same. We all encounter views here that we do not share because the paths we have trod are all different. But that's what makes coming here a positive experience. I don't understand the "aspie pride" thing either but we all have different ways of dealing with our issues. If it makes some people feel better who am I to argue?

I don't know, I in many ways feel out of place here. My diagnosis of NVLD is a bit different from "Aspergers" and to be honest, it seems a lot of people here aren't very severely "Aspergers" but more just have problems with social anxiety and depression and all that. I much prefer my diagnosis of NVLD to Aspergers, as NVLD is a specific easy to scientifically prove kind of thing, whereas Aspergers is a vague psychiatric disorder, and I pretty much in general find psychiatry lame and wholly unscientific.

As for going on here, I really don't know, in some ways it's kind of depressing, at times. As far as "Aspie," well, I often put it into quotation marks for that reason. Me in general, while I guess I feel some solidarity or whatever with Aspergers, NVLD is the group I identify most with, as far as thought process and whatnot. Oddly, despite sorta the rarity of the disorder, I've met quite a few people in my life with NVLD, all things considered.

I think a big difference too, is that I wasn't trying to get my diagnosis of NVLD at all, whereas most people try for an Aspergers diagnosis after reading about it. Me, after I got my NVLD diagnosis, I completely denied the reality of it for about 2-3 years, but it was only after I "crashed" that I figured out it was a real thing.

But, if I could pick one thing I don't like about this board, and "Aspie" culture, is basically how being a nerd is equated to Aspergers. The attitude of helplessness, too. Despite my NVLD/Aspergers, I always like to try to be as self sufficient as possible, and I don't see the spirit of fierce self sufficiency here. For a while in my life, just sort of "powering through" things with sheer willpower alone got things to work, but now I realize I do have limitations, and while I have to keep them in mind, I can't let them rule my life.

To sum it up, 2 things from urbandictionary sum up my thoughts on Aspergers perfectly.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I hate "Cutesy" too,
And I notice a bit of an "US" vs "Them" vibe a bit. But nothing different from other sites. The place feels pretty comfortable to me, actually. But I'm not going to use the "ie" thing either! LOL

Matt

first off... I love the word cutsie... I should post that in the thread about good words...

which btw... if you want to see the forum differently, try visiting random discussion and the fun sections... I swear people seem happy there

As CockneyRebel said, I'm sorry you feel this way.

Throughout this journey in life, I have learned many things---one of the most astounding was learning I am autistic (upon being diagnosed as an adult in 2008). I immediately joined the WrongPlanet and quickly promoted my positive views of autism in my life, but yet respecting others' views to the contrary. I respect (and expect to be respected back) for conflicting views such as the use of term Aspie---which I use and often use to identify myself. I won't make a statement like, "I don't understand how anyone could not like the term Aspie," because I realize many do not like it. And I acknowledge challenges in my life---so it's not all happy and wonderful. But I would not want my autism taken away if it were possible. I accept the package I was given in life.

One thing I will admit to, though in a different context as many think it means, is Aspie pride. I don't use pride in the way I think the OP sees it as. I use pride in the context of "being satisfied with who I am and what I have done." I see nothing wrong with using pride in this way because all it says is that I am happy with who I am. But the pride the OP refers to is different I believe.

As for NT stuff---my wife, parents, and one son, are NT. I do have one autistic son. So there are NTs I love. I don't bash NTs.

I am happy I was born autistic. I don't consider myself as to belonging to some losers' club. I see myself as belonging to a group of individuals who are as diverse and interesting as the universe---which is something that is hard to understand or realize the scope of.

To the OP---I hope you are able to find your comfort zone here at the WrongPlanet. For the most part, we are a very supportive and understanding group of individuals. There have been many times that I have had rough times when I needed help---and the WrongPlanet was always supportive of my needs. Please give us a chance. Try to respect the diverse views of this diverse culture. I wish some didn't try to rub their views in others' faces, but rather respected the diverse views as something beautiful. For the most part, I find the WrongPlanet as a respecting group. I feel at home here. Good luck to you.

Thank you all for the kind replies.

I think the reason I'm finding it so difficult is because this is all so new to me. After thinking about it, I can understand why people who have suspected ASD for years are so relieved/pleased when they do get a diagnosis. The reason I can't relate to that is because I didn't choose to persue a diagnosis, so it's not something that I wanted, if that makes sense.
Maybe in a few months I will have had time to adjust better and will be more comfortable with things.