Are ESFJ people all like this?

Post Reply New Topic

I wonder if it's me or them (ESFJ people). They seem to be sent to this world just to torture aspies. Do you guys know any? They're supposed to be very common, like 15% of all the people. Their speech have 3 modes: gossip, complaints and request (more like demand) for assurance that they're absolutely right. If you talk about anything slightly smart they start to get hazy eyed, pretend to listen for 1 minutes, then interrupt and go back to gossips. I tried to branch out and even tried some topics like hairstyles or jewelry or cooking, but they never seem to care what I say. Whatever I say they're automatically not interested. It must be the way I say things. Maybe when discussing the new ring I should not talk about the alloy's content and gem's clarity grade, but say it looks great with their skin tone and how thoughtful the husband/boyfriend was.

From the way they talk you'd think they live in hell, their husbands are pure bastards, bosses are nightmares and children are insensitive losers, there's just nobody in the world who cares about their needs. It's only because of their great strength of character they survived and managed an OK life.

When I read MBTI descriptions, they don't sound too bad. Supposed to be nice and caring and fun people. I wonder if my "aspiness" made this type particularly difficult to me.

No, it's them!
Chris
(Qualified MBTI practitioner since 1998)

Seriously though, what is your MBTI type?

INTP. Why? What's MBTI practitioner?:)

I'm not extremely introverted, though and can generally survive small talks and socializing for a while. I just don't have much motivations to do those.

Hmm, well you ARE talking about your complete personality opposite on each of the preferences.....
My experience of ESFJs has been similarly ghastly - you just wonder how a brain could live in a pond that shallow!
Chris (your fellow INTP!)
(You are joking, asking what an MBTI practitioner is? Sorry if you aren't joking: just say and I'll explain)

I really don't know. Are you a psychologist or therapist? Or career advisor?

I would avoid them if I could, but two of them are family. I'm rather surprised that my lack of interest or responses never seem to make them stop talking and forget me. Of course I know that I'm never their main chatting target, they need to talk to 5 people a night to use up the talkative energy. I guess I should be grateful for that.

I'm an Aspie. And according to the MB test I did in 2001 I'm an ESFJ.

No wonder I torture myself! :p

I think you're talking about shallow, insecure people, which surely not all ESFJs are (and which surely occur amongst other personality types).

Sorry to be slow to answer this, but I hope the answer is interesting. Myers Briggs practitioners work in all sorts of areas of society. I'm a church minister - I have used it in churches, with disruptive teenagers in schools, in the armed forces, and in individual and couple counselling.

'Qualified' status is earned through what is described as a 'graduate level training programme' - this lasts about 160 hours, and includes preliminary reading, an intensive residential programme, completion of an exam, and a period of evaluated practice ending with a final residential day. The training is tough: not everyone passes, and in fact two people in our training group had breakdowns during the training period. Study covers the theory and correct application of the instrument, statistics, ethical uses of MBTI, and the use of the MBTI in situations such as conflict management and team building.

Practitioners are registered, work to a code of ethics, and are able to buy and use restricted test materials. Control of the materials is necessary to ensure consistent quality of the experience, and because wrongly applied the theory can be at best confusing, and at worst can seriously mess up people's heads. Trust me - I've seen it happen!

I hope that helps to explain what an MBTI practitioner is and does. I'm always happy to answer questions about what we do - just ask!

MBTI skeptic and owuld-be INTJ here. I do believe that extraversion as defined by Keirsey would include some shallowness, like preferring many acquaintances over one good friend. If said ESFJ scores high on extraversion, this might well lead them to become Aspie tooturers, in the sense that introverted Aspies and extraverted NTs don't match and the NT is the more dominant of hte two usually. Then again, the MBTI is highly questionnable: people on average have a different type when tested a month after the first test. Its better to know how low or high someone scores on, say, exxtraversion.

Good to hear from a skeptic! My experience is that very few 'change their type' when re-tested a month later, IF they have done the full process. Just completing the questionnaire is only the first stage of the process, and viewed alone will give a 'correct' identification in no more than possibly 70% of cases at best.

Oh thanks for the nuancing. I didn't know that the mBTI has more than oen stage. I read this about people having a different type wehn reteste din my intro to psychology class several years ago, so can't say I'm too knowledgeable.

My pleasure!

I remember this ESFJ (maybe it was an ENFJ?) who came to a forum for INTPs I read and alienated everyone by lecturing us on how we needed to be more like her, improve our "social skills", yadda yadda yadda. Most annoying person ever. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that no one wanted to be more like her.

Very annoying. Amazing lack of courtesy, let alone insight! Hope she was fed to the dogs at question time?

so are ESFJ's a subset of neurotypicality?