Verdandi wrote:
MaKin wrote:
thank you for explaining. i'm somewhat surprised by my results. i've always considered myself rather aware of my feelings. i know that i'm more logically inclined, but have thought that i can understand and express feelings quite well.
to be honest, i'm quite taken aback by what the results imply.
I felt the same way until I started looking into it. All sorts of little things started to add up: I've never been very emotional. The only emotional descriptions that ever made sense to me came from other autistic people. I usually describe my emotions as "frustrated," "happy," and "amused." There's probably another one in there. I have had anxiety issues for a long time but I did not know that there was an emotion involved, just the runaway physical symptoms that were very hard to deal with. When I am depressed, my cue that I am depressed comes from observing my behavior, not from observing my emotions.
This sums up what I have been realising about myself exactly. I had always considered myself able to feel the full gamut of different emotions most of the time. However, now that I take a step back and examine what happens, I realise that what I thought of as my emotion is actually a decision arrived upon by analysing any apparent changes in my own behaviour and the context of what might have just happened. In extremes I will also feel a physical sensation in my chest which I believe is a hormone release. An example might be that a shopkeeper short-changes me, I bring it up with him, I notice I am behaving in what is possibly an unreasonable way (although I would not neccesarily say I felt any different to 2 minutes previous) and I join the dots and tell myself that I might be feeling angry.
Luckily my wife knows many of my quirks better than me and is often able to act as my early warning system when I fail to realise that I am getting very stressed/frustrated/angry.
While being quite an alarming thing to realise this late in life, it explains a hell of a lot.
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AQ46, EQ9, FQ20, SQ50
RAADS-R: 181 (Language: 9, Social: 97, Sensory/Motor: 37, Interests: 36)
Aspie Quiz: AS129, NT80
Alexithymia: 137