Complimenting/reciprocity/appreciation

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Is this something that you can do naturally, something you have learned to do or something that you struggle with?

I sometimes forget to "thank" people.....then I "thank" them later, and they look at me funny.

hate compliments. esp about my IQ score ("i know you're smart"), appearance (hair, clothes), or character ("you're charming").

wtf?

first of all, positive judgments are still judgments. positive judgments imply that the speaker's judgments are important enough to make public service announcements of.

second of all, i hate having to say "thank you". b/c "actions speak louder than words". giving me compliments is hot helping me.

I feel weird giving or receiving complements.

I've had to learn it, and it feels really fake, but I do it anyway and sometimes it actually makes myself and others feel good.

Learned, and something that takes conscious effort to remember to do.

To me, compliments towards me is still is weird. It's always weird like, it's always coming from out of nowhere, no matter what I did or did not do.

Almost never did compliment anyone still. It feels unnatural. Unless it IS something that for me enough to do so -- which is really rare.
Some may think I have high standards, I'd say mine is just too specific, even extremes of good are a non factor.

If someone says 'thanks' to me or feels appreciation to me, it feels weirder than being forced to say 'thanks' to them or expecting me to feel appreciation.



Whatever my real terms of gratitude are, I'm sure it doesn't involve words and terms of 'Thank You', a smile and a nod. Or some handshake. At best, my simple awed expression, which may turn into curious questions.
And I'm sure 'questioning' is not exactly a sign of gratitude.

The emotion of awe and curiosity, while an expression of appreciation for me in a sense, not exactly an expression of compliment, and it is not gratitude either. It's more like 'I like this. Can I (insert what I wanna do)?' And there's no 'thank you' there.

My 'thank you' feels like a physical tug of sorts, and I couldn't translate this yet.
I'm seriously sure it'll be very awkward if my true ways of gratitude and appreciation gets converted into hugs or shaking a person off.

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Oftentimes someone that gives a lot of compliments will also be quick to criticize with unleashed anger

They are in judgemental mode

They act like their opinion is fact and utterly important

Manipulation

My parents instilled in me the importance of saying "please" and "thank you" while growing up. So now I do it automatically.

I recently saw a meme that combined "you're welcome!" and "no problem!" to "your problem!" It was probably made by an aspie.

Compliments are different though. You have to be somewhat original for it to be accepted.

I suck at compliments, but thats because I have specific tastes and dislike when people compliment me for the sake of it or fishing for one back
I rarely feel appreciated, some people say thank you but their actions don't mean that, sometimes quite the opposite which makes me feel used
Saying thank you feels weird to me too and sometimes feels forced as I usually get something I really didn't need or ask for, so it feels fake and sometimes people have given to me just so I'd be obligated to do or get them something

When I see things like this
I feel queezy.

I would like to be able to convey a little more warmth,
its not easy

I had to learn all three of these. For me reciprocity was the hardest. I eventually learned that if I was going to fake small talk, when people say "how are you?" I could say, "I'm fine...and you?" adding those last two words was just as much a fake as the first two but seemed to gain a lot more social-wise.

Complimenting/Reciprocity/Appreciation


Complimenting...
I don't know if I've ever done that.
There are times I could've but didn't.


Reciprocity...
I am extremely bad at this. So very bad. It just doesn't come natural me at all. Not even anywhere in the vicinity. So very far off.

Appreciation...
I am somewhat able to both feel and express this. Especially to those most important to me. (These days. But it used to be harder.)
Sometimes elsewhere too.
There are times when saying 'thank you' only occur to me later, as I am too involved with my own stuff/problems to think of it immediately, but it's not too often.

I had to learn. Complementing others and showing appreciation is easy and required little effort.

Reciprocity is more difficult because for example if you receive a box of biscuits, you may not just give it back to reciprocate, you have to find something else and not forget about it.

I think NTs also have to learn this, I think they learn at an earlier age.

The thing I've found hardest is when someone gives me something I really don't like.
They can always tell I don't like it because I can't automatically lie and say it's great and my total dumfoundedness in the moment gives me away.