No clue what to make of my diagnosis

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So at 31 I've suddenly been labelled with AS. well, not full AS, I exhibit a significant number of Aspergers traits, however that might be most effectively summed up.

I've survived 3 decades so far, had a very successful career, earn very good money, have a nice car, a mortgage, kids, a dog. I like arty movies, music, running, eating curry, driving, online pictures of kittens, woodwork, in all sorts of "normal" amounts. I'm not really obsessed with anything ever, save for the first week of finding something. But I have had some marriage problems which lead me to see a standard Therapist who encouraged me to get an assessment.

When I first saw this therapist, one of the very first things I ever said was that it felt like there was a book of rules on how to live that someone forgot to give me. and 5 months later, here I am... Seems like I hit the nail on the head from the start!

But I'm clueless as to what to do / think of this situation. I'm looking at threads on here... counting in 6's etc... these things mean nothing to me, a totally different world, yet some part of me is reeling from my diagnosis and thinking that I should be stepping back from life and wrapping myself up in cotton wool.

I find it staggering to think that there really is a way of thinking that I have apparently genuinely been missing. For all my faults and failings, I have always been very aware of me being lazy, messy, rubbish at small talk, occasionally unintentionally rude. I've been aware at the time that I should pick that up, or I shouldn't have made that rubbish joke, so I don't get what context an AS diagnosis puts on it.

I guess I think too scientifically / rationally to take it on board. Do other people feel they do this? I can't think anything without observing that I am thinking it. It's like when I get drunk "Oooh look, I almost fell over then! I am drunk! I wonder if I should stop drinking now, hmm... Shall I do something crazy to make my friends laugh? I will make a poll in my head to decide."

I'm not sure there's really anything to gain from being here, I don't know what I would get out of it. As above, reading other threads I don't relate to all that many of the things being talked about. I've signed up for a local support group, but feel like a total fraud so far with my list of "successes" making me feel like I don't belong.

It's not like I feel like a success inside, I live a life of perpetual disappointment and angst or in fear of what someone thinks of me etc., and I don't act like a success on the outside, I just act like... me... and I can certainly finish my life in another 50 or 60 years having spent all that time just being "me", without that many interesting consequences.

So as I understand I am reeeeasonably moderately affected, any thoughts on what I might make of my situation? Maybe I just think about, apart from some due diligence background reading, ignoring the whole bloody thing and keep pretending I'm just a slightly awkward NT. What am I supposed to get out of sitting in a circle of plastic chairs in a school hall with 19 other people all staring at the floor? I certainly feel that I still will find it much easier to relate to an average NT than an average AS...

Every point sounds familiar.

Your comment about the "rule book" reminds of a conversation I had with my parents in my early twenties. Somewhere around thirty years ago, I remember explaining to them that life for me was as if there was some "big secret" everyone else seemed to be aware of, but I had no clue. Whatever that secret was, the fact that I didn't have access to it was the reason my life was in such chaos and going nowhere.

Well, it's thirty years later (give or take) now, and I just recently got a diagnosis of PDD-NOS, which is really Asperger Syndrome (there's a blog post on my profile explaining that point). Autism explained absolutely everything that had confused me all of my life where utterly nothing else would.

Welcome to the journey. Working out the confusing details of how Autism works for you (and doesn't work), is the journey you're about to embark on. For me, it's not a bad journey in spite of the frustrations that occur along the way. At least I know now what the hell has been going on all these years. That's better than being completely in the dark.

It's kind of like thinking you're doing fine, walking around with all the other "shiny happy people" and learning to play by the rules, then suddenly waking up at the bottom of a deep well and realizing you aren't where or what you thought you were. Just look up. There's a tiny light up there, and unlike the light many will tell you you don't want to go toward, you will want to follow this one. The rest of us wackos are either on the way up our own wells, or already up there somewhere, wandering around, bumping into each other, screwing up at some things, succeeding at others, and learning how different we are even from each other.

Once you get up here, welcome to the side show!

Having a label doesn't make you a different person. Don't worry about it and don't end up over analyzing yourself 'am I doing this because I have AS?' 'Am I behaving strangely?'. It is a natural reaction but to a large extent it will pass as you recover your equilibrium.
Understanding AS may help explain some things that have confused you in the past and may help you spot social mistakes before they happen. It may also help your wife understand some of your more irritating characteristics. If you can discuss it together you may be able to work out some compromises that make life easier for both of you.

I only found out myself fairly recently. AS explains a whole lot of things that have puzzled and confused me. I can use that knowledge to change the things I think I should change and understand the things that I can't change. AS isn't all bad. For instance it gives me the ability to hyperfocus. I can devote my entire concentration on a task non stop for a whole day. I do have a special interest so I made it my career. I am well respected in my field and enjoy my job.

Don't worry yourself about getting an official diagnosis, unless you feel like you need it for a practical purpose. Keep educating yourself and using resources like this message board to talk to other people who deal with some degree of what you do (AS), make of it what you will, and use what you learn to mull over these things as they pertain to your own life.

Let me give you some advice that will save you and your family a lot of confusion. If you have a successful career, family, and a dog forget about AS and carry on with your life. The fact is that 60-80% of people with AS cannot live independently. The majority of people with AS also have other conditions. If you do indeed have AS count yourself one of the lucky ones and just go on with your life. A DX has no meaning if it doesn't explain why your life is upside down. Your life is not upside down.