Do you find it hard to use the social skills you learn?

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Someone said smiling helps, but even though I know that I should, I still usually forget to. There are other things like that, too.

Does anyone else notice they do this?

Yes, I find it hard to use social skills and non-verbal communication even if I know how they work. It just doesn't come naturally to me.

I have the same problem with smiling as you. I know that smiling is supposed to put people at ease and get them to like you or find you more interesting and less threatening and all that, but I still either forget to do it or it just doesn't happen naturally, so it's always forced and "acted" and usually quite obviously so, so it doesn't have the intended effect.

The same with eye contact. I know that eye contact is important to NTs, but I either forget about it or find it very uncomfortable and automatically avoid it. Sometimes I can look people in the face at least, which is usually enough to make them feel I'm making eye contact. I need to keep reminding myself to do this though.

I also know that people like it when you show interest in them and ask them about themselves (not too personal questions though) or ask them back when they've asked you something about yourself, but I keep forgetting to do this, or I can't think of anything to say or ask about or I don't know how to use non-verbal communication to appear genuinely interested (I'm guessing asking them with my naturally monotone voice and blank face doesn't quite work).

Knowing how things work socially is not equal to being able to actually use that knowledge in a useful way.

I'm just starting to learn about body language and cues. Oddly, it seems that everyone else already knows these things instinctively. I have to watch for the cues.

I never realized people yawn when they are bored with a conversation. I thought they were just tired.


Remembering to smile - yup. I hate faking a smile, but I do it often. I'm sure it looks fake, but it may look better than my blank or sad face.

yes, even if I learn what social skills I'm supposed to use, its hard to me to understand how or when to use them, or how they apply to a specific situation.

I'm often given impractical advice, for example, one person's way of trying to help me was to tell me i'm obsessed. Yeah, and? You just described a characteristic! I told her it's not very operative, but I couldn't explain it to her.

Not really for me. My social skills that I've learned over the years are tested out in public everyday. I'm expected to have the social skills of an NT, with no adjustments to suit my comfort zone whatsoever

When it comes to social skills, I make at least 5 mistakes a day, even at home.

Yeah, it seems like no matter how much research I do on social interaction, it's impossible for me to actually put it into action. I've read so much, I have so many things I need to focus on, and I can't. It's too much. I try to do a couple things, like pay attention to eye contact, posture, and my facial expressions. But then I can't focus on the conversation or try to read their facial expression or body language. I'm not even good at that anyway. But there are so many factors when it comes to social interaction, and every single one of them has to be manually controlled by me, it's just too much. I'm stressed out as it is around people, so it makes it harder to control everything properly. It's okay when I'm relaxed. It's easier to focus and not worry quite as much if I mess up a little. My mind doesn't go blank in I'm relaxed.