There can come a time in an Aspie's life when (s)he sees that their special interests cause them problems in the rest of their life - chiefly the obsession and the sheer time and love that goes into it leaves little room for a social life or for anything else. I'm sure it doesn't affect all of us - if you don't notice loneliness, don't find the rest of your life falling to bits when you look up from your fascination, then you're probably happy as you are. I guess the most acute example is when the special interest affects a relationship - competes with it for time.
So I was wondering if Aspies here have ever wanted to dovetail their interests into the rest of their lives, and how they went about it, and whether or not it worked.
I've been trying to keep my special interests in perspective for some time now, with some success. It's not just a matter of cutting down the time. I have to realise that I'm getting sucked into a solo interest before it happens, and somehow keep an overview of the situation, occasionally asking myself if a break would be wise....keeping that channel open to the rest of the world, splitting off a little of the Aspie focus to watch the bigger picture. So it's more about developing a fluid way of working than butchering the pastime. It avoids disappointing people - so often I've been late because I didn't realise I'd "need" to write a computer program just before I went to visit somebody, and the fact is I DIDN'T need to write it, I could have done it another time easily, but once I'd started, I couldn't stop. So it's a lot about avoiding temptation, knowing how my brain ticks in that respect.
It's been fairly successful. I managed to set up my new broadband connection over the Christmas holidays....it didn't work at first, and my every instinct was to wrap myself round the problem and exclude everything else. That would have been a social gaffe, just like I've done many times before. I had company. Anyway, when it didn't work, I just looked briefly at the instruction book, didn't see a solution as such, then left it be and went back to my company. A little later on I thought about having another brief try, and noticed a new way of doing it, so when there was a lull in the conversation I idly started up the PC and tried my idea, not really hyperfocussing on it at all, so nobody thought I was being antisocial. When I was done, I shared my success by explaiining simply that there were 2 methods and the second one had worked so now we've got YouTube to mess with folks. Time was when I'd have tried to tell them every little detail of what I'd done, whether they knew about computers or not.
I suppose it all sounds pretty small beer, and it is, but it's the change in my ways that interests me so much, not the example. I just never did that fluid thing before, that stepping in and out of the obsession so that I control it and it doesn't control me.
01 Feb 2012, 10:50 am
