Gotta Keep Moving

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I'm getting discouraged because I cannot find a place where I belong. A year ago, I dived deep into the Autism spectrum and WP, thinking, "Yes! I finally found where I belong!". I've changed significantly since then, my mind is constantly changing, continuously testing the foundations of my mind, breaking them down and then rebuilding them.
It feels so foreign to what I was used to, I don't even remember what my thinking was like only 3 months ago! I can no longer identify with my fellow peers! My mind feels so scrambled, almost like this time something a little more important than my foundation broke.
My life's goal is to eventually become totally devoted to God; I read about these monks that could actually detach themselves from their bodies and they don't have to eat, sleep, they could even teleport, and if they so chose to they would simply host their bodies again. Their minds and bodies were synced 100%, they could only achieve this by becoming one with God.
It probably sounds a lot different to you than it does to me, and that's totally ok.
I want answers, I want revelations, I want to become one. Whatever I'm doing seems to be making some progress at least, I get comments that I'm "Ahead of the game" all the time, what most people think of when they are 80 or so, I'm thinking of all that right now.
I have a lot of concepts, I either need to write a book or write them down to organize for myself, or both.
Still so many things I need to learn *looks up the ladder leading to the sky*.
I can solve any problem that comes my way, I believe that I am using Aspergers as a way to stay attached to the earth, if you will, I'm afraid that if I let go of that then I'll just go floating off and away from everyone/everything I know and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

I feel so alone all the time, I haven't prayed for more than 4 years and I know that that would be the smartest move I could make but I don't want to go back to God unless it feels right, not because I am afraid. I'm the only one I know that has the thoughts I have, the feelings I feel, the knowledge the revelations I possess. I don't feel like I belong in the autism community anymore because I cannot identify with anyone but I can help them but I don't, it's not cause I'm lazy, it's because my thoughts are scrambled, I need to get them structured and then it will be copy and paste time.

I'm not sure I got my official thoughts or points out, I guess this will have to do for now.

Has anybody else been here or is anybody else currently dealing with something like this?
Could anybody give me advice on what my next move should be?

I learned how to play around with my mind long ago. I learned quickly that just because you can do a thing, it does not follow that you MUST do it. Frankly, every time I open this Pandora's box, I promise myself that this time will be the last. It never is.

Beware of the law of unintended consequences when playing, and remember that it's a lot easier to go forward than back.



When I was interested in meditation I reached this point. Having managed it for very short periods my view is that the fabled ability to detach yourself from your body is actually just a form of self inflicted sensory deprivation where unable to sense your body your mind does it's own thing. A few minutes can seem like a much longer period, so doing it for longer might give you the impression that your body doesn't need to eat or drink, however ultimately these are biologically immutable facts and people have meditated themselves to exhaustion and death before. I wouldn't say it's worth chasing after, personally.

I then went and solved the meaning of life, put it all behind me and got on with my life.



Solve the meaning of life. You can only do this through quite deep contemplation yourself. You can't just look it up on Google, and you can't ask somebody else what the answer is and quite frankly I suspect that the more you try and cheat in this manner the harder you make it for yourself. When you have your answers then you should be able to put all of this behind you and move on. Where you move onto completely depends on the answer that you come up with.

Me too.

Me too. Mainly because I no longer have the minimum wage job that depressed me. Now I can work on my projects full time. (How will I eat? One of them will make me rich, the other will make the whole world rich.)

Me too. I found this link very helpful: it's about the difference between men and women. Put simply, men are more likely to exist at extremes. A lot of us are just different. Not just unique but REALLY unique. The sooner we get used to it the better off we will be.

That happened to me over the past ten years. I discovered that:

• The organization that controlled my whole life (for 34 years to that point) and controlled my whole family, was not what I thought.
• Everyone is evil. But everyone believes they are good.
• It is possible for one person to save the world. But nobody cares enough to do it. because it means missing out on money and sex: the world is set up to reward evil and punish good.

Yes, broken foundation, scrambled mind, that sounds right. It does get better, but anything worthwhile takes ten years at least, and probably a life time.

Me too. When I left my church (I was a Mormon) I thought I was leaving Mormonism. But in fact the church left me (it has changed a lot in the last 40 years, mainly due to Correlation). Five years after leaving I realized that the reason I left is that I believed too much, I took it too seriously to stay in a group that had betrayed its foundations. I also want to devote my life to God. My idea of God is very different, on the surface, from most people's idea of God. But fundamentally we all agree, we just do not realize it.

As a metaphor I completely agree. All truth is metaphor (well aside from pure mathematics). E.g. Monks like that have a lot to teach us, but I would not recommend eating nothing, and neither would they (unless they are frauds).

This is the part that resonates most with me. If you spend your whole life studying something then you have to be very careful what words to use. It is so easy to be misunderstood.

Me too. I spent most of my life working on a set of answers to all questions, and it will take the rest of my life until it makes sense to other people.



Finding wrongplanet was a real lifeline to me. Nobody here is much like me, but they all understand what it is like to be different, and that is enough.

I think ASD is a great boon to humanity. It does not matter (to humanity as a whole, obviously it matters to the individual) if 99.9 percent of AS people have trouble just surviving. It only takes one person to have a profound insight that really works, and then the whole of humanity benefits forever after.

Me too. Having a minimum wage job was the worst. I did not fit in at all. But now I can focus on my projects and make them better and better. One my one I find people who "get" what I am trying to do, at least in a tiny way. And I do not believe in death (identity equals genes and memes, and those are eternal), so I find it exciting that in a hundred years I will not be alone, but will be the center of an ever expanding network of people who share the same vision. I know all of this sounds vain and probably crazy. But what matter is truth. If it is true, it is true.

It depends what you mean by praying. I prayed conventionally several times a day until I was 34, and I never felt like anyone was listening,. Except a could of times and that was purely psychological. Now I speak to God all the time in wordless ways and he speaks back. Truth is everything, If you do what is right then you know, and you feel connected. Truth is connectivity. Everything is relative. Relationships are the only reality: math is everything. But not in some cold way. being connected is good.

I have often thought that if I wrote a biography it would be in two parts, with titles with double meanings:

"being a part" ("being apart" and "being a part" - how relationships are everything, and the existential nonexistence of being separate)

and

"I won't be long" ("I won't belong" and "I wont be long" - about how I will not fit into anything that the present world offers, but I am building a workable model for a better world, and when it is ready in a few years everything will change)


I feel the same. I spent most of my life doing things that did not feel right for me (trying to fit into my church, trying to follow the established path of school, family, career, car, house, holidays) and it did not work. Now I only focus on hat feels right. Not in a selfish way, but taking into account all the staving people, the suffering animals and the infinite potential in this world. I am working on my answers project and on a game to pay the bills. Those are how I connect to the outside world (oh, and also through some old comics, but that is another story). People ask me how many games I have sold recently. The answer is none. I know that when the game is ready then it will sell. It does not feel ready. But it will be. The same with my answers project. When the time is right then you know and it all works.


You do not belong anywhere, but you will when the time is right. I find this community is more accepting of difference, but if you find a better group for you (or can function completely alone for a while) then good luck.


I hope my advice does not sound like "I was where you are." I hate it when people say that, like "I know everything you know and more!" - every time people say this they then go on to demonstrate that what they say is not true. I am not better than you, I am not the same as you, but what you say sounds similar enough to my life that I hope my experience might help.


My advice is a to plan. What do you want out of life, and what do you need to get there? A big part of that is surviving financially while you find the exact path. Original though takes a long time. As a rule of thumb I think that any decision worth taking will take around two years, and any major achievement worth doing will take a round ten. During that time you need a lot of time to think, and you probably have obligations. It is like a walking a tightrope while juggling. But by the ed you will have a very clear idea of where you need to be and will have a stable, reliable path for getting there. Another point is that original thought means making a lot of mistake. In my life I find that everything takes eight times longer than planned, because I usually need seven failed attempts before I find one that succeeds.

All of this is very abstract, so here is my concrete experience. I share it to demonstrate that finding a single answer can take years. This is an example of the monk metaphor referred to earlier: we do not have to dress in sackcloth, be celibate and in poverty, and live in silence for ten years cut off from humanity LITERALLY, but FIGURATIVELY yes, that is exactly what is needed. We can learn a lot from eastern mystics, as long as we see the truth below the surface.

• Age -1 to -3: genes, womb and first year: the best possible start (big, healthy, intelligent, great family)
• Age 3--9: develop my identity: always happy, believe that anything is possible
• Age 9-12: first period of confusion. Discover that all is not right with the world: starvation, torture, etc. It takes three years to decide to fix it (and 3 years as a child is a lifetime)
• Age 12: decide my life's goal: understand how the world works, so I can tell others and they can fix it. Everyone THINKS they know how the world works, but I wanted The Truth in the form of pure logic, so it would form the basis of reality and not just another fad. Note that it took 12 years to decide what I wanted in life.
• Age 12-20: work out the shape of the problem. Studied everything I could, realized he problem was essentially economic, but it requires going right back to basics, so needs an understanding of metaphysics and also the foundations of religion and society.
• Age 20: first major setback. I had assumed that I could focus on my project and also get a good job, but getting a job was harder than expected, as my qualifications were all over the place (excellent grades, wide range but no focus). Worse, my growing understanding of the world meant I rejected most employment as fundamentally unethical. My brain is not big enough to simultaneously hold two opposing world views - do well at the job but also fundamentally oppose all it stands for. Another problem was my church - I had assumed it would be either neutral or helpful to my goal, but it was becoming a negative: it took away my most valuable resource: time; while not adding anything obvious IT added a great deal in early childhood, by convincing me that anything is possible (such as one person changing the world) but after that huge positive it was a net negative, and more so as I gained more time obligations. This was the second period of confusion, and took ten years to resolve, mainly because I was so busy trying to earn a living.
• Age 20-32: work out the solution. In this period I crystalized a political and economic strategy that was logically perfect, highly practical, and could benefit everyone, so could be self propelling. I estimated that it would take a further ten years to formulate a winning political strategy in detail, and another ten years after that to get it on the global agenda. Also in this period I slowly realized that the time needed was completely incompatible with the time required by my church.
• Age 32-36: third major turmoil. Mentally left the church at age 32. Formally left at age 36.
• Age 32-42: worked out the political strategy in detail. Also reassessed my relationship with the world, and what I would need to do economically to survive and achieve my goals. I realized I would need to be self employed (my different views of life make me a terrible employee, I do not fit in). Also it would have to be a creative field, as that is all I can do. This is not easy - "penniless" and "artist" are almost synonyms.
• Age 42: fourth major turmoil. For a brief period I thought my then-current minimum wage job would be stable, so I started dating, and planned to shelve my self employment plans. For a while felt so alone that even lonely people shunned me, and there was not a single person in the entire world who could understand what I was trying to do. After searching a long time I could sometimes find someone who SEEMED to understand, but that was always an illusion.
• Age 43 (now): a year of stability. The job became chaos, I signed off with stress, found that working from home is far healthier for me. The answers project crystalized, the self employment plans now settled down and I now know exactly what I am going to do, how to do it, where the money will come from, and so on, and here are no gaps. Well, maybe a few weeks' gaps, but those just keep me on my toes.

tl;dr: If you are really different, if you really are a thinker, then finding what you need to do and how to do it takes many years. Surviving that period is the battle. But if you are serious about doing what is right, you will do it.