Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ]
31 Jan 2012, 7:26 pm
31 Jan 2012, 8:17 pm
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,646
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
31 Jan 2012, 8:18 pm
31 Jan 2012, 8:38 pm
31 Jan 2012, 10:13 pm
31 Jan 2012, 10:30 pm
Friends are a great way to bridge that gap!
As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year. 
Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!
It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once 
. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction.
I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
31 Jan 2012, 10:31 pm
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 117,037
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
01 Feb 2012, 1:39 am
01 Feb 2012, 4:51 am
01 Feb 2012, 5:27 am
Bandini wrote:
Friends are a great way to bridge that gap!
As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year. Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!
It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction.
I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
This is my life...
As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year.
Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once
. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction. I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
I started becoming this "other person" around 15 or 16 I guess, but since then (with some breaks in between) I've been considered pretty normal.
I have to say, I'm not sure if most on the spectrum are capable of this. I used to think they could do this if they "really wanted to", but I realized that many autistics simply lack the wiring...you can't improve upon something that isn't there.
Anyway, I will lapse back into social phobia and come off as ten more times awkward than I ever did w/o warning in certain situations, but it's not very often. Also, I have to take realllly long breaks from socialization in order for me to come back and seem normal sometimes, that does arouse suspicion. Not quite to the point that I can pull this off like a robot.
01 Feb 2012, 9:26 am
01 Feb 2012, 11:12 am
01 Feb 2012, 12:22 pm
01 Feb 2012, 12:37 pm
01 Feb 2012, 1:28 pm
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Bandini wrote:
Friends are a great way to bridge that gap!
As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year. Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!
It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction.
I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
This is my life...As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year.
Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once
. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction. I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
I started becoming this "other person" around 15 or 16 I guess, but since then (with some breaks in between) I've been considered pretty normal.
I have to say, I'm not sure if most on the spectrum are capable of this. I used to think they could do this if they "really wanted to", but I realized that many autistics simply lack the wiring...you can't improve upon something that isn't there.
Anyway, I will lapse back into social phobia and come off as ten more times awkward than I ever did w/o warning in certain situations, but it's not very often. Also, I have to take realllly long breaks from socialization in order for me to come back and seem normal sometimes, that does arouse suspicion. Not quite to the point that I can pull this off like a robot.
Thanks for the insight, EXPECIALLY! I think you are correct in saying,
"I have to say, I'm not sure if most on the spectrum are capable of this. I used to think they could do this if they "really wanted to", but I realized that many autistics simply lack the wiring...you can't improve upon something that isn't there."
I should've revised that statement to say "if and when possible". I have heard other members of this forum mention similar strategies, but it would be wrong to assume that all people with AS are capable of recognizing this kind of a system and learning to mimic/manipulate it, or physically able to shutoff to some degree the factors interfering with it. I didn't mean to imply this. It took me years of frustration and awkwardness to learn how to try to do this. I never did achieve "robot" perfection; it would be closer to describe it as an inconsistent and shoddy act. Regardless, for me, it did help a little, which is better than nothing at all if you are stuck in this situation, hence my suggesting it as possible help. I ended up leaving this type of work altogether as it became too much to handle.
01 Feb 2012, 1:36 pm
Bandini wrote:
EXPECIALLY wrote:
Bandini wrote:
Friends are a great way to bridge that gap!
As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year. Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!
It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction.
I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
This is my life...As far as the office goes...
Let me start by saying that although I have spent a good part of the last 12 years working in office environments with co-workers, I only learned about the existence of Aspergers this last year.
Perhaps if I knew why I was the way I am I would've had less trouble finding a common ground between my world and theirs, or accepting the lack of one! These are some of the things I found helped me; I hope they will be of help to you!It helps to learn to play the NT game on command, anytime, with or without friends, with strangers,etc. Eye contact, smiling a lot, getting THEM to talk about themselves, etc. I eventually learned this stuff just enough so that I wouldn't make others uncomfortable during obligatory interactions. Once this was learned, it was easier to avoid them as often as possible without arousing suspicion that I wasn't capable of being "part of the crowd". They eventually learned that I simply chose not to. I always took my breaks in solitude, reading, smoking a cigarette, listening to my headphones, sometimes all at once
. If someone wanted to talk to me, THEY would have to make an effort as it was clear that I liked my distance. If we talked, I'd only talk a little at first, eventually cutting it short and politely excusing myself, unless, of course, I was truly interested in what they had to say. Next time, I'd pick up the conversation if I felt like it, if not I would politely dodge any extraneous interaction. I believe it helps to exercise your right to solitude whenever you have the chance (its like oxygen) and to not be afraid to be known as someone who appreciates their personal space. If you are friendly and calm when you are forced to be around others, they'll only think positively of you when you are away; you've left them nothing else to know you by. If you have something of unique value to offer to your company (which many of us do) and have made this clear, they will wonder what you are up to during all this solitude, whats going on inside that amazing brain of yours, and keeping them continually wondering in this fashion can be to your advantage. I think its possible to beat them at their own game with a little practice!
Good Luck!
I started becoming this "other person" around 15 or 16 I guess, but since then (with some breaks in between) I've been considered pretty normal.
I have to say, I'm not sure if most on the spectrum are capable of this. I used to think they could do this if they "really wanted to", but I realized that many autistics simply lack the wiring...you can't improve upon something that isn't there.
Anyway, I will lapse back into social phobia and come off as ten more times awkward than I ever did w/o warning in certain situations, but it's not very often. Also, I have to take realllly long breaks from socialization in order for me to come back and seem normal sometimes, that does arouse suspicion. Not quite to the point that I can pull this off like a robot.
Thanks for the insight, EXPECIALLY! I think you are correct in saying,
"I have to say, I'm not sure if most on the spectrum are capable of this. I used to think they could do this if they "really wanted to", but I realized that many autistics simply lack the wiring...you can't improve upon something that isn't there."
I should've revised that statement to say "if and when possible". I have heard other members of this forum mention similar strategies, but it would be wrong to assume that all people with AS are capable of recognizing this kind of a system and learning to mimic/manipulate it, or physically able to shutoff to some degree the factors interfering with it. I didn't mean to imply this. It took me years of frustration and awkwardness to learn how to try to do this. I never did achieve "robot" perfection; it would be closer to describe it as an inconsistent and shoddy act. Regardless, for me, it did help a little, which is better than nothing at all if you are stuck in this situation, hence my suggesting it as possible help. I ended up leaving this type of work altogether as it became too much to handle.
Yes, sometimes I think most can't do this and then I'm actually surprised by how many on WP say they do this same thing...so, you aren't wrong.
I thought this is one reason I wouldn't be diagnosed, maybe in the past I actually would have been but now I think part of the new criteria is that the person is functionally impaired a "significant" portion of the time, so I'm not sure how many who are on the spectrum and are able to improve socially would even be on the spectrum after the changes are made, but I don't know much about it.
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