defensive anyone?

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Ok, so I guess I have to admit that I'm defensive. My boss has told me on several occasions to stop being defensive. At first, I was shocked, I didn't know how to answer him. I generally though (what are you talking about, I'm not defensive). I now see that I am and if backed into a corner or if on the defence I turn into a generally verbal aggressive almost nasty person (for about 5mins) before finally calming down, walking away and sending a sorry E-mail. Now even when I do this, I think to myself (oh no, here comes another sorry E-mail)

I do get a little defensive. I think it's because I've become accustom to feeling helpless, getting blamed for things, and not having a whole lot of say in my environment. There is a need to not feel belittled and it comes out very negatively because of the misinterpreted social ques between me and other people. They get confused about me just like I do with them.

I can do because I have been bullied a lot so it can make me hypersensitive at times. I don't mean to be though. Once I realise the person is not being intentionally nasty to me my defences drop.

I get defensive but am getting better at hiding it from people.

When I feel insecure or threatened, my traditional defensive response is to verbally destroy whomever I percieve to be the one causing my discomfort. Now, I try to channel that "fight" response into something more constructive like running, yoga, or coloring/drawing or chopping vegetables...lots of vegetables.

Sometimes (typically when I really am being threatened in some way), the only way I can channel the energy is to break things though. It is rare but I keep a case of super-inexpensive glasses in my kitchen for those times. I actually bought a condo with a garage so that i have a safe space to break glasses when necessary.

I feel lucky that I don't have any urge to self-injure or injure others. Mostly inanimate objects bear the brunt of my frustration and fear.

I'm not inflexible, but if someone's trying to change my opinion without sound logic, I can't change my mind. I have learned how to fake this though. After trying to discuss and finding I'm at a roadblock, especially with authority figures, I just agree with them and do what they say, even if I know it's not the best thing to do.

It's usually a minor thing, in retrospect. Many times it's had to do with computers and my bosses lack of IT knowledge. I used to come off as a know-it-all because I wouldn't budge and would prove my point in some way. But somewhere along the line I realized that being right isn't always the best way to get through a conversation.

Whenever I feel like I don't have the autonomy and respect I need, I get very defensive. This was especially a problem when I was young. I would not be controlled by force and would make my parents explain their reasoning (then argue about it).

If things seem to be coming at me from all angles, and I haven't had enough time to absorb what's going on I get extremely defensive. Many years of feeling bad about sticking up for myself have also played with my head. How do i know what is a threat and what isn't? (Especially coming from people who I think are friends at first, but turn out to be users who want to make me their scapegoat/amature therapist)

In the last few months, I've confronted a couple of these situatuions head on. Instead of feeling bad that I'm pissed off, I take time to articulate exactly what is pissing me off, and to the audience that needs to hear it. I'm tired of apologizing for pushing back.

I've gotten accuse of being defensive. I don't even know I am. It feels like I get this often. Sometimes I catch myself acting that way but I don't know how else to act.

I can be defensive only when I don't know whats going on.... (such as if someone was "joking around" supposedly)

I've learned to be defensive because of my childhood environment. I'd get blamed for things I never did, and being defensive told my mom that I was being honest.

Yes I am rather defensive, but it happens when many of your early life experiances involve being picked on by the other kids at school and the teachers I guess.

I think cognitive ability has bearing on this issue. Back when I worked at a warehouse there was a guy named John who had impaired cognition due to a severe car wreck in his past. He could outwork me by a lot and was a really nice guy overall. One day I was talking to him as we worked and he made some really funny joke. We were both laughing, but about halfway through he suddenly got serious and asked if I was laughing at him rather than with him. It spooked me big-time (mainly because he could have easily overwhelmed me physically).
As I look over my own past and see times where I didn't realize someone was picking on me till after the fact, I see why he was wary/defensive. My problem isn't as pronounced as his, but I've still experienced the same effect. People always talk about "the dog who has been beat too much" but what about the dog who's not sure if he's being beaten? *I want to be clear that this isn't an indictment, just an observation of events from my past.
If others had been in a similar situation and it turned out to be bullying rather than friendly teasing or constructive criticism, they might understand instinctive defensiveness.

As far as changing your mind absent sound logic. That's where I really shine professionally. I'm more than willing to agree with someone if I can see their logic and equally willing to point out where their logic fails. However, I work as a contractor now so my job security is somewhat independent of what my direct coworkers think of me.

I'm only defensive when it comes to people I can be open with. When it comes to people I'm not comfortable with, I kinda just shut up and let them say whatever.

There have been instances in which I've been accused of being verbally defensive. This usually happens when I strongly disagree with something that people want me to do, avoid doing, or accept. I never go up to people and say shut up, bulls**t, are you kidding me as verbal defenses. I usually respond by asking, "Why do you think I'm this/that?" "Why do you want me to do this/that?"