My personal thoughts on the pros and cons of getting my DX

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Cons: My personality, my feelings, thoughts likes and are fine, and don't need to be pathologised.

Pros: Being able (ideally) to get help with life and work from people who are no strangers to what I KNOW I've experienced since I was little.

Maybe I don't want to feel 'special' (ie., stay undiagnosed and not admit there are others like me) at the price of being misunderstood. I carry the pain of being hospitalised for Manic episodes - not knowing how to deal with intense emotions and ending up with a mixture of obsessing and stimulating to the point it causes insomnia and difficulties to deal with the world. Maybe I *want* to be myself, but I'm getting too used to feeling f****d over, so I feel like I can't. My problem with obsessing didn't start whenever people thought they did, it was just there all the time, from getting too excited from going into shopping centres, to wanting to go on the same amusement rides twice, and never understanding why the good things need to come to an end, why do I need to part from those things I like. It didn't start from me carrying a tape recorder as a kid, or liking a band. And a lot of other stuff that went under the radar that I was into, even at school. But somehow, I was bullied at home for being into pop/rock because THAT'S stupid. It wasn't truly my only obsession, but it became something that defined me when I was scolded for it, and became known as disobedient because of it. I don't know if I can enjoy things, and I don't know if I can be true to myself. I don't know if I know how. I think I can only be happy if I start someplace else than home in Tel-Aviv, but I don't want to hurt people by moving away. I think the point's been made - I'm torn between being good and conforming by living another person's life, or being happy by living mine.

I'm sorry if I'd be unable to start a discussion out of this post, I seem unable to put my stream of conciousness in the form of a question. But I think I'm starting to understand a few things about myself, after I've been welcome here on WP. To be honest, I'm not really sure why. People have been telling me for the last 10 years I've been exaggerating my relationships with others, while those relationships may have lacked in depth. But yes, I still feel in awe of the crowd here, that's my personal observation as of today, January 31st, 2012.

Bun.