Inconsistent Aspergers

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I was on a date about a month ago with a girl I was semi attracted to and didn't have a lot in common with. Sure she was a nice person and we talked and got along, but my point is I wasn't super into her yet was sweating bullets, talking fast, occasionally stuttering and saying stupid things etc. . Even said I had claustrophobia (since visibly something was wrong.)

Then I went on a date with a girl exactly my type lookswise tonight, great person, we went out for dinner, then went out for drinks, even kissed and between the 2 venues the date lasted 4 hours and I wasn't at all nervous internally or externally. Like if I told this girl I had aspergers, she'd think I was joking, where the last girl would totally see it.

This isn't just with women. Sometimes I'm just completely relaxed and NT like, other times I'm really anxious even in situations where internally I'm not that nervous.

This happen to anyone else?

Maybe you're just learning? I think that everyone gets better and better at handling certain types of situations over the course of their life.

Congratulations on the date, but here is a word of warning. Since this girl's first impression is that you are normal, you might feel a pressure to never let her know about your awkward side, in case it lets down her expectations. This will be exhausting, and in the end, it will be impossible. She will find out. Just let her know that you are sometimes awkward, and you are always trying to improve your social skills, and she will hopefully respect you for that.

For me and many others on the spectrum, some days are just better than others. Perhaps that was what was going on?

I some days I do amazingly socially and all that, others, I just mess up with everything and want to be alone.

I think that one of the attributes of my personality is that there are simply certain people that I can never get along with. People that I can never feel comfortable with. But with other people, I can chat for hours.

It seems that an attribute of aspies is an inability to adapt our personalities to what is expected in a social situation. So maybe when you feel accepted and appreciated and comfortable you can act like everyone else. But when you're expected to play a role, you get all knotted up inside.

I recently got fired from a job where the boss explicitly said "I expect you to get along with your co-worker." On the day I sent my co-worker and email saying that I was having trouble getting along with her, she passed it along to the boss, and he fired me. You and I and every sane, decent, human being know that you can't force people to get along, but some people only care about appearances. I probably acted like rainman around her while I have friends that I am completely comfortable with.

So, anyway, to answer your question, I think that you're really lucky that you can find people to be comfortable around. Maybe if you can figure out who and what situations trigger those situations you can avoid the painful ones.

o/

Not Dxed, but yes.

One reason I won't self DX and don't think I could easily receive one.

Were you diagnosed very young? Some grow up to more NT or inconsistently autistic.

I am like two *totally* different people sometimes, so I feel ridiculous claiming a disability like AS or convincing myself that I have it, although sometimes, exactly like you said, I can tell that people think so and if I lied and told them I had a DX they would totally believe it. I'll go from seeming NT to appearing like some of the more severe Aspies in documentaries.

Yes, some people I can get along with splendidly, while with others I tend to clam up, get nervous, et cetera. Also, sometimes it happens that I'm getting along really well with someone when suddenly something happens which really tightens me up. (Usually something I do that they disliked and commented on.) From there on, I remain nervous.

To me, it sometimes feels like I have "shields up" towards those people. Like I need to guard myself from them. And sometimes, usually on dates or with talks with supervisors, I have convinced myself that it's very important to get along with that specific person and that alone makes me very conscious of how I behave, and thus very guarded.