Calling people on contradictions

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One area that can be somewhat awkward for me, and I suspect other Aspies, is calling people to account on mixed messages. Whether it be in the workplace, acquaintances, service people, peers, whatever.

If somebody says something contradictory from one day/moment to the next, it upsets me and I have the compulsion to call them on it. Now, "by calling them on it", I don't necessarily mean accuse them of lying. I mean to reconcile the two (or more) inconsistent statements they made for whatever reason (maybe they just forgot, or they don't interpret the two statements as contradictory like you do).

I usually say something like "OK, I have to admit I'm somewhat perplexed by that, because yesterday you said X, and just now you said Y - so how do I reconcile those two?"

The trouble is, in the past when I've used this approach, it can have mixed reactions. Basically, from hostile to condescending to lukewarm and rarely favourable. Such as:

Hostile: Excuse me??! ! What the hell is the matter with you?! That's a completely different context!! (insert accusation of stupidity, or accusing them of dishonesty)

Condescending: (sigh) ooohhh...you really are one of a kind, aren't you, Jayo? you'll be the death of me yet. it's not a contradiction, Ok, let me explain, and listen very carefully...

Moderate: (shaking head) no, no, ok, let me explain...perhaps I didn't make myself clear...

Best case: hmm, you're right, I think I could have explained that better, I can see how you might see that as a contradiction, I'm sorry, let's back up and try that again...

Most of the time, I get the condescending response. So maybe that's why I'm reluctant to call people on what I genuinely perceive to be contradictions, even though each case is unique.

I try to just hold my tongue and straighten it out later myself. I really think 90% of what most people say from day to day is BS, and they don't remember what they've said or why. Condescending is the norm when I do call people out. My GF gets really annoyed and tends to turn on me for it. It really sucks when people are not cool about it when you are genuinely just trying to get facts straight.

These types of situations have been issues for me as well. I catch almost all contradictions and double standards, and when I attempt to address these issues with the individual, their response is almost always hostile, no matter how I approach them and how sensitive to their feelings I attempt to be.

I understand they feel threatened however I do not see a way to prevent them from feeling so. Even individuals who one would think were rather intelligent and reasonable seem to get upset when I approach them on such issues. Interestingly enough I've found that those of average and below intelligence get the least upset about being approached on such issues. Rather then getting upset and defensive, they are more likely to chide you for being irrelevant and shrug the issue off.

When I do that, people get ticked and think I'm being argumentative.

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I have had people do it to me, when I didn't contradict myself, they simply misunderstood alternative perspective.

When I hear someone do it, I generally think about their motives, what might be missing that caused them to not have each statement in line with the other... I usually only confront incorrectness that I am sure of, so if I don't know which time the correct thing was stated I just analyze internally...

Its distracting without a doubt

I just let them do it. Maybe I should call them out on it. It's very annoying how one day somebody says one thing and the next day it's completely changed. Face to face confrontation is not a strong suit.

I've had experiences when other people make outright contradictions, usually separated by a week or a month, and when I ask them about it I find they had simply changed their minds over that period of time, but what you are talking about seems like something different.

Does anyone have an example of two statements that seemed contradictory, but after an explanation (even a hostile/condescending one) turned out to be just a misunderstanding?

The only contradiction I've had to deal with lately is being censored for the exact same thing that others openly enjoy.

I've had that happen as well. I try to ignore it as much as possible; it only upsets people when you call them on it. People like to think of themselves as being consistent, when generally we're really all muddling through catch as catch can on a day-to-day basis. It's easier to ignore it with good humor than to deal with the histrionics if I call them on it. The few times I have tried to point out inconsistencies -- like when a supervisor gave instructions that contradicted normal documented procedure -- the reaction has been impatient and literally contradictory. As in, when I pointed out the contradiction, she denied that it existed at all! She seemed to think that all she had to do to make something go away was deny its existence and poof! it was gone. And she called me argumentative.

My boss: "You must have misunderstood me."

Everyone in the office has compared notes, and apparently no one in existence manages to understand our boss. I'd call him a schizophrenic micro-manager, but that's giving schizophrenics a bad rapport.

I have a very hard time not telling somebody they've contradicted themselves. I feel compelled to set things straight. I found that bosses do not like you pointing out contradictions.

I also have a problem with butting into conversations when I hear someone saying something that isn't right and I know the truth. Before I butt in I try to ask myself if it really matters or not. If the information they are giving is dangerous then I usually will butt in and set them straight. I have been known to get into arguments over this sort of thing. It's like I can't help it. I've done it to total strangers and have gotten some strange looks.

I have a fairly good example of this.

Wife says she wants me to do the dishes more often, and that I'm not helping around the house enough one day...so I do the dishes.

The very next day I start doing the dishes again, and she interupts me and explains that this is her job, as her way of contributing to the household...since I work and she doesn't, and she took over.

A week or so latter, she chides me again for not doing the dishes...

While I wanted to call her on this very obvious contradictory behavior...I tried to understand what it was that motivated her to say them in each of the above scenarios, and I concluded; She wanted me to make a show of doing the dishes, and she wanted to interupt me and take over the chore. She wanted this to occure, as it showed that I cared and was aware of her involvement and contribution and wanted to help, but ultimately the chore was still performed by her so she could feel the contribution.

After adopting that as my understanding of the contradictions, the contradictions no longer were contradictory. And there has been no further issue in regards to that particular chore.