New fellow student, ON MY NERVES, is he maybe....

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I am 55, in college, met another "older" student, male, married, 57, lots of work experience in the field we are both studying. I was nice and encouraging be cause I know how out of place being this age, in school can feel. In less than two weeks this person is on my last nerve. He chatters about himself all the time, if I respond, he jumps to another subject. He has made comments like "I hope I didn't confuse you with the math", "are you giving up on it" etc etc., like I am some dumbass. We are in several classes together. I have blocks of time between classes, planned it that way in for study time on campus, away from the distractions of home. This new student, Bob, is just driving me nuts. Sitting with a group, all working on our tech math, and he is chatter, he is "helping" me, hands on my paper "no, put this here, no, this is supposed to be...." he is going on about how HE does math, how math is to HIM, (like he wants some genius medal or something), and all I can think is SHUT UP. Heck one morning, I am in an 8:00 am class, he doesn't have class until 11:30 that day, yet there he is, outside my classroom door, peering at me. Sure enough, I leave class, walk past this lounge area, and he is sitting there, watching me walk by, I kept going. I have had to find other places to do my work/study, he has made snarky comments in our math class (and laughed) when I made a mistake. After getting away from him after one class we have together and going off to study alone, when I show up at our math class 20 minutes early, he says "I was wondering if you were going to make it". I said, "IT'S ONLY TEN AFTER"

Today, he was rattling on before class, I am trying to be patient and interact, make a comment about what he was talking about, he jumps to another subject, and I asked him "are you ADD?" He says he doesn't think so, and I point out that when I reply to what he is talking about, he doesn't even acknowledge me, instead jumps to something else, so then he started about how quick his brain is. I said, no, it's not about speed, it's about not even conversing, so he starts up again with an explanation about how quick his brain works, and I interrupted, patted his hand and said "sweetie, I really don't care", and turned around.

So, does this sound like he is just self absorbed, rude, arrogant, or maybe is it social awkwardness, maybe AS, maybe ADD? Am I a horrible person to just want to not have to listen to him talk about himself? Should I learn to be more patient, not take his condescending remarks personally, just stay away or what? I wanted to say something to him so that I wouldn't have to avoid him completely, but heck, that just opened another door for him to rattle on about how quick he is (and me slow?). Anyway, got it off my chest, whew

He probably has a kid your age and treats you like you are one of his kids.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Maybe he doesn't get enough attention from his wife...
I don't know what this might be, many things really, but I've seen it happen in older men on a few occasions.
I think you do some justice to yourself by making clear to him how you feel about his behavior and putting stop to his talks. You should enjoy your studies; I've wasted enough time on such attention whoring people in my undergrad years..

Either stop hanging around him or stop complaining about him. He does sound like he could have AS and doesn't quite understand the social rules. I know just what it's like to be him, to be into a subject so much it's all you want to talk about and talk your self up about it too because it gives self confidence over all the insecurities we have.

Sorry if I sound blunt or rude but I relate to his situation. I'm just more aware about it, yet all I can do is have a conversation like him.
And I do have a very fast brain, not to sound arrogant it's just the way it is. It's hard to slow it down and actually take in a situation slowly. He probably has a lot of thoughts going through his mind and as he is speaking them thinking of new things to add. And there's a compulsion and passion to just speak these things.

Either learn to be patient with him or let him down gently. If you keep trying to tolerate him but get annoyed you might end up snapping at him.

From what I know about ADHD it doesn't seem like he has it. People with ADHD still struggle socially but not to the extent as someone with Asperger's.

I was like that when I was a teen. NERD!

But I figured it out by my 20s.

A 50+ yo behaving like that? Hmmm.....

Thanks Mar00, "attention whore" is right on the money. I felt kind of bad, but have said little things here and there that he has not picked up on at all. As for others who think their brains are just so much faster than others, there comes a point when it is not a disorder or a problem, it's just plain rude and self centered. AND,, I have been avoiding him, (which has required me to not be around some people who were actually an asset), also, this is the first time I posted about this, so mr. fast brain, READ WHAT OTHERS WRITE, oh sorry, forgot, you are too busy thinking about yourself and the other people, IRL or online are just to act as an audience to you talking about you, and to hell with whatever they wrote or said, because after all, it was them and not the all important YOU.

OH, THAT felt good.

Are you sure that he is attention whore, or is he just socially unaware that he is saying things in ways that others might take differently from the way he meant them, which might be literally and without any further connotations and hidden messages? Saying that his mind is quick is not the same as saying that your mind is slow.

I notice that many older people in the courses at my university seem to be annoying, no offense. He may just be one of the annoying ones.

The thing about him talking about how quick his mind works was that it was yet another long spiel about him. Some of the (apparently?) to subtle hints were "shut up" (when he laughed at a question I had in our math class), "are you muttering" (while a group of us were working on math homework, and he just kept up a constant stream, mostly about himself). I tried to be supportive, but in return, he shouldn't laugh at my mistakes. I assured him at one point (since I have been back at class for two years) that things actually start coming back. (Understand these comments of mine were quickly interjected while he took a breath).

As far as the "older student" goes, there is the stereotypical know it all, answering all the questions, prattling on and on in class about their experiences, their life etc. My first semester I had the urge to speak a lot, but somehow, lucky me, tried to control it. Part of the urge comes from nerves and a feeling of being out of place.

My irritation is partly from his condescension (him "I hope I didn't confuse you yesterday about the math, but my mind is so quick I forget that other people.....") (to that one I responded that my hair is not actually blonde and asked if he thought I wasn't getting it because I didn't have a penis) and my awareness that he can be a time suck that will get in my way of achieving what I need to do. It's harder at this age, my confidence level is shaky at times, there have been a few students here and there (mostly younger ones) that are quite insulting and arrogant (one girl in my trig class made a comment about how at least I might have gotten a D on a test, another girl commented how I should make cookies for the teacher, I asked "why me? I live alone, I don't make cookies anymore, why don't you?").

As far as the poster here that stuck up for this person because he relates to him, what bothers me about that is that some people, with whatever "difference" they have, or problems with interaction, seem to focus on some perceived "fact" that that is simply the way they are and others need to understand. That does a huge disservice to everyone in that we all can adjust, learn, practice, understand ourselves if we try.
This "that is the way I am because...." is simply not taking responsibility for yourself, and not doing one's best.

Chances are he is very aspergian. It also occurs to me that he is just extremely lonely, and that he just wants to communicate with you in the best way he can, based upon the only commonalities you share, which are your age and your statuses as students. Am not saying you should not feel frustrated, or feel like he's just getting on your nerves and there's nothing you can do about it. Rather, I am saying maybe the next time you feel frustrated at him, you can remember his perspective. It will help, trust me.

He sounds extremely socially unaware and lacking in reciprocal communication, such that the only way for him to communicate with anyone is to talk about himself and his interests and his ways of doing things. For him, it is not a matter of trying or not trying to learn to have better social skills. It is a lack of awareness that there is anything off about his own social skills in the first place. Most likely, he is not choosing to offend. Everything that he says feels right to him, and if someone else said those things to him, then he would probably not mind them, because he would not be able to draw the inferences from them that would end up offending him. I would not be offended if someone said those things to me, because in real-time, I would not be able to interpret any of them as anything offensive, and afterwards, I might be able to think of condenscension, but I would not be sure of my interpretation, so the result is that I still would not be offended. There is no instant feeling of being offended or annoyed or angry, and lacking that feeling or cue, the offense factor goes way down. I empathize with this guy, because I was in his place for most of my life before my diagnosis and the realization that I was autistic. I constantly said offensive things as well, and I never had any idea that there was anything off about what I said, and it never came to my mind that other people could be offended. It is not a matter of knowing and choosing and not trying, but of not knowing at all.

He talks about himself, what he has done, what he knows, how his brain works, how quick he is, occasionally is a tad snarky like laughing at my mistake, etc etc. What is the weirdest is that he will go on and on, but if I respond, he goes off on another thing, never even acknowledging that I have spoken, almost as if my speaking changed the radio station in his head, switching to another song.

Like I said, it's all about the time/attention suck thing that has already started to seem to be effecting my own goals about getting work and reading done. Heck, trying to read, big fat book out, obviously reading, and he just yammers about himself. I have told him that my purpose for scheduling my classes the way I did was to have all that time to work. It crossed into the slightly creepy when he was outside my classroom door a full three hours before he had a class, lurking in our building, AND the irritated/judging tone when I arrived outside one of the classes we share 20 minutes beforehand, (I had just taken off after our other class together to go get some work done, rather than walk over to the other building with him).

Not a big deal, really, but it helps to get it all out, and read what others have to say (that is at least the posts that don't read the way he sounds. I don't read those:)) Could be my issues with past experiences with some true narcisists that horrified and wreaked havoc on others' lives.