Empathy and Sympathy

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I had a friend who says they are highly empathetic, although their high level of advocacy from afar seems more like sympathy to me. I am speaking mainly of their sympathy for "oppressed" groups such as any significant non-hetero, non-WASP group. Do you think they have confused a high level of sympathy for a high level of empathy?

Also, a female aspie that I know expressed an appalling lack of sympathy for rape victims
by indicating that they thought the penalty for rape should be significantly less severe. I found this entirely disturbing.

Sympathy and empathy mean nothing to me anymore, people never seem to settle on a single definition.

I think they have different meanings but mean the same thing.

What is the difference?

Sympathy is associated with loss or negative feelings / circumstances.

You would be sympathetic to someone who has lost a job or suffered bereavement.
You wouldn't be sympathetic (except in a sarcastic way) if someone won the lottery or got married.

Does that help or confuse?

Jason

OP,

Yes, I believe that person is most likely confusing empathy with sympathy. If that person is not also a minority who has been dealt some sort of mistreatment or abuse, then they really can't be empathetic, but they can surely be sympathetic.

Sympathy; I feel for you.

Empathy; I feel/could feel as you.

_________________
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i agree with the "fragileclover" person's description.

now i will say my own self contained opinion.
in an etymological sense, the word "sympathy" seems to be more close to meaning "feeling in synchrony" than the word "empathy".


but none the less, i know that the english language is not totally reliable for deriving literal interpretation simply due to the origins of words.

with that in mind, i say that if i see someone is having a very bad time, i wish to help them, and sometimes i imagine what i would feel if i were in their predicament. if i decide i would feel very bad, then i deduce that the person really experiencing it would feel very bad in reality (not just speculatively as i feel when i run the idea through my mind), and i am aware that they must be suffering, and i will devote time and resources to alleviate their suffering. that is what i think of as "sympathy".

but i do not have "empathy" because i only know what "I" would feel if i were in their circumstance. i do not really know how "THEY" feel because i am not them. i do not feel their pain personally. i can
only surmise it.

i am not afflicted by their misfortune, and so i can go easily to sleep because it is not happening to me. it is happening to them. i may take longer to go to sleep when i consider how bad they may feel, but in the end, it is only a mental appraisal of what they must be feeling that i understand. i do not actually feel it with them. and i can sleep well because it is not actually impacting on my own life.

i know that sounds very cruel and one of my friends (the few friends) is currently penniless and distraught, and i will give him money to live, but i can not fall down and cry with him with any sincerity.


he wants me to feel as bad as he does, and i do not feel bad at all because my life is ok. i do care that he is having such a hard time, and i wish he did not have such a hard time, but i do not feel sad like he does because it is not happening to me. i will help him with many donations, but i am quite happy, and he is incensed that i can be happy while he "rots in hell" (as he puts it).

i am not "rotting in hell" so i am not there, but i do care that he feels bad and i will try to fund him and give him opportunities, and i am "sorry" he is in the predicament he is in, but i can not cry about it like he does, because it is not happening to me and i am quite happy.

if i had true empathy (as he says), then i would be on the ground crying with him. well i have my own bed and place to live and i do not think about him constantly and i am quite content in many ways, and he sees me as devoid of empathy.

whatever. his life is his and i will try to make it better with much funding, but his life is not mine and i do not live it and i can not feel as sad as he does. i have optimism and happiness that he thinks i should not have because he thinks i should wallow in his spiritual swamp with him.

i can sympathize, but my empathy is very undeveloped.


i care but i can not join in the "feeling".

From what I have always understood, sympathy is when you can understand how a person is feeling because you have been through it yourself. Empathy is when you can imagine what something would be like for a person but you have NOT experienced it yourself.

You can have empathy for someone without feeling the emotion yourself for their situation. If a friend's parent dies, and I did not know their parent well, I could feel empathy for them without feeling an emotion. It's more of an understanding that they are sad, and trying to be considerate towards them while they are grieving. Empathy doesn't require that you feel something that the other person feels, but that you understand that they are feeling it and understand what they are feeling.

Sympathy OTOH, requires a feeling from you. If I were to see a child or an animal in pain, I would feel negative feelings and be upset for that child or animal. When a family member is sick or in pain, I strongly dislike that and want to make them feel better.

Empathy is more of an understanding of someone else's feelings, and at times it can be a sharing of someone else's feelings. Sympathy requires you to feel something yourself for someone else's situation.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

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MommyJones and OliveOilMom,

I do not mean to undermine or offend, but I think you have it backwards.

During my time as a film student, I took a genre studies class in Horror, and we discussed at length that what makes a horror film successful is EMPATHY from the audience, because that is what makes the audience feel fear. Sympathy does not require an actual feeling from you, just an understanding of the other person's plight. Empathy requires that you experience the emotions of the other person.

This page describes the differences very well, and is how I would define Empathy vs. Sympathy: http://www.diffen.com/difference/Empathy_vs_Sympathy

Sympathy: "I feel as you do"

Empathy: "I know how you feel"
Cognitive Empathy: knowing because you've figured it out, but don't necessarily feel anything with the knowing.

FragileClover, I could very well have it wrong. Either way, I can do those two things and am an aspie, which some people say we can't do.

I'm not offended by you pointing that out.

On a side note, I have a friend who thinks she's an "empath" and can hold an object and pick up feelings and images from it. I don't believe it though. I think she thinks she can do it, and that it's her imagination even though it feels real to her.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com