NTs just don't understand

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Am I the only one who finds that NTs just don't get it?

I have NVLD, which was caused by a brain injury at birth to the right hemisphere. My parents think I'm stupid as a result (they don't usually outright say it, but their actions indicate it). I am basically an Aspie, as NVLD is extremely similar to it, it's on the spectrum and everything.

People just don't get it. When I have issues with metaphors, social skills, etc. they say that I'm "just being difficult". When I have issues with school, then I'm "not trying". Because I have a brain injury they think I'm stupid.

I love the irony with the last one- they're the ones who aren't thinking things through. If anything, I'm brighter than they are. I have to manually do things they can do automatically, and still have some intellectual capacity left over to pursue other endeavors. I solve problems they will never face, every single day.

But still, not being understood is really starting to take a toll on my emotional health. Anyone else with this issue?

Yeah, it can be tough. I grew up with my mom basically telling me I was a rebellious, lazy, stubborn person who didn't care about her. You get told that often enough, you start to believe it, however illogical it is.

Try to keep a realistic perspective. You get those ideas popping up, you look at them objectively, ask yourself if they're really true. Like, are you really being lazy--or do you just need to work more slowly, do things differently, get help? And these people who think these things about you--are they experts on brain injuries and NVLD, or are they just making assumptions based on the idea that you have the standard-issue brain rather than the one you've got?

Look at yourself for who you are, the bad parts and the good parts, the annoying parts and the things you like about yourself. You're a complex individual; don't let them paint such a one-dimensional picture of you. You're human; of course you're lazy sometimes. That doesn't mean you're always lazy. Of course you do stupid things sometimes; that doesn't mean you can't do smart things at other times. Sometimes you slack off, sometimes you work hard. When somebody makes that kind of a global judgment about you, like you're all one way or the other, it's a safe bet that they don't know what they're talking about!

Absolutely. Literally the story of my life.

NT's don't get it because I don't think most of them are capable due to lack of understanding that requires a lot of reading and getting to really KNOW some of us. Most just don't have the time.

I'm convinced now that's just the way it is, and it's up to us. Not that it should be that way, but it is, and there's not a whole lot we can do to change reality. The only thing I can say is "Keep your antennae" up. There are a few NT's here and there who really do try to understand. Some do better than others. Once you begin to stumble onto some of them, gravitate toward them (don't get clingy though, that'll drive them away), and avoid as much as is possible those that show no interest in understanding you.

Yes you do. And don't ever forget that. Those problems you speak of, that you solve every day, the skills you use to do that are your strengths. Never stop working on them, but give yourself the breaks you need to keep from exploding. Or imploding.

People either think I'm brilliant or borderline ret*d. Sometimes both. They just don't realize that I simply think differently; not better, not worse.

You are correct, they don't get it. I find that they have a poor understanding of how the brain works in general. People with right hemisphere weakness usually have processing deficits. It may take them a few milliseconds longer to make sense of sensory information, particularly visual, because of the damage or weakness of the right brain. They frequently have digit symbol coding problems and may have difficulty with reading maps, spatial orientation, motor skills, arithmetic, and recognizing non-verbal social cues.

However they may also have very strong strengths. The reason being, that the rest of their brain isn't as preoccupied with "chatter" from the right hemisphere, as the brains of others. This leaves the undamaged portion of their brain, more resources to invest in other abilities. This is one reason for savant skills, and also the reason that some people with dementia develop temporary savant skills.

Next time someone bothers you, present them with an image of something and tell them to draw it perfectly. When they can't you can ask "Why not? It's right in front of you. You can see it right? Just copy what you see."

It should be that simple shouldn't it? But it isn't because their brain has sacrificed that skill over one that is more favorable, which is actually the skill to perceive whole pictures rather than bits on pieces. Many schizophrenics actually lose this ability to some degree, and as a result are better artists than those who do not have schizophrenia. It's easier to copy a picture when you only see it for it's parts, and not the sum of it's parts.

I don't have an ASD, and I have gotten it to the extent that people often assume I definitely have Aspergers - I've been told online by people pretty bluntly that I must have AS, that's the only thing that could explain that I knew certain things, simply because I "get it".

Maybe I understand because I have a high IQ, maybe I understand because I also face mental health difficulties, maybe because i have the related ADD, maybe I understand because I've read more about the condition than most autistics, though the worst reason someone gave me was because I must be "secret aspie" or some such.

I suspect it's a combination of all the above, but I particularly think it's due to my intelligence, I know a lot of gifted kids are mistaken for autistics like I was, which seems reasonable.

Brain vs mind dilemma.

As a kid I suffered from motion sickness and at the time it was called "car sickness." "He's carsick" carried a stigma of an excuse for attention seeking or trying to be picky. Some said it's all a state of mind and to suck it up. People forget that there isn't a little micro- man in the noggin, sitting there at the controls as in a home theatre watching the world. I get a strong impression they miss the fact that what's in a head is a fallible organ, like any other organ.

Today I find it very strange that people cannot get a sense of a cognitive disability as displayed in someone. Clinical depression is another misconstrued one that misinformation causes much suffering in and of itself.

I can sense when I'm around someone where the problem lies very quickly. If it's verbalized I can discern the nature of it and take it as reliable. Or I can see it in action myself. Never a problem.

What's astonishing is the fact that people can project something your way without any effort to test your end out as credible.

The mind is what happens when a brain becomes complex enough.

There's a sort of critical mass of information that has to come together to create a human being and once you get to that point you have self-awareness. For most people, it happens around 18 months of age. Some people, never; other people, a little earlier. Of course even before that point you have a personality and awareness. But around 18 months, a person can start to think about their own existence.

It's related to the concept of a gestalt: the whole is more than the sum of its parts. You get all reductionist about studying humans, you dissect them into their little parts--sure, it's informative, and we need some of that, but we also need to remember that those parts work together and create something that you couldn't possibly predict just by looking at the little bits you've studied--a whole person.

I've just found out something. Last night I had a panic attack because of an unexpected snowfall. I screamed and yelled and kicked things and argued with my parents, but my parents actually felt more angrier than I felt (so they must have been REALLY angry!), and after everything calmed down a bit, I thought to myself: hang on a minute, my parents are angry because I made them angry. I am angry because the snow has made me angry. So if I got my parents to imagine that my panic attacks is the actual snow, and they are me, then they will know exactly how I feel when it snows. I made them angry, the snow made me angry. They got just as angry with me as I did with the snow, so they were feeling frustrated because of my outburst, they didn't stay calm. Now they know how hard it is for me to stay calm when it snows.

Have I explained myself clearly?

"The mind is a terrible thang!"

Off Topic: I once took an art class that utilized this principle. The idea was that seeing the whole prevented us from seeing the parts and therefore prevented us from accurately representing them. The teacher presented us with an image to copy and just as you say, we couldn't although it was right in front of us. Then he flpped the image upside down and had us try copying the upside down image. The upside down copies tended to be more accurate. Likewise, he would have us draw parts of objects that were mostly covered up, and those parts were more accurately represented in our art than when we tried to draw the entire uncovered object.

It's not just visual art where this happens. The horror author Stephen King described something similar teaching creative writing. He would send students out onto the street to describe the neighborhood in writing. The results tended to be rather drab and uninspired. Then he would have them describe a single brick in a single building or some other fractional part of the neighborhood and suddenly their descriptive powers were unleashed.

I came across those two examples of "top down" versus "bottom up" or "whole" versus "parts" cognition in the 80's, years before I heard of autism. But I think that learning those things made the concept easier to wrap my head around once I encountered something similar in the context of autistic cognition styles. I don't truly understand, because that requires lived experience. But the whole/parts split does make intellectual sense to me. But I still can't truly understand how the world would seem if I always saw it bottom up instead of top down, as those drawing and writing exercises try to simulate.

I don't like the idea that I lack a mind. Yes, I have a mind.

This reminds me of a similar quote or statement, maybe from something I read or a movie line, or who knows what, and now it's going to drive me crazy trying to remember it.

It seems that a lot of school curriculum is about teaching NT children to segregate wholes into parts. Younger children naturally have a more holistic perception of the world, and the ability to perceive in parts does not take off in development until a later age, I forget which, like five or six. Autistic children who already perceive in parts need the teaching to emphasize the opposite, the integrating of parts into wholes.

The drawing thing is funny, because I never did any child-like drawings when I was little. I always drew realistic pictures from the time I could pick up a pencil and draw, and my parents were astonished by the accuracy of the drawings, but much more so by the speed. I guess that not having to mentally segment the wholes into parts sped up the process.

Thank you all for your support

Yeah, I'd agree that the big problem is the fact that if you hear something enough, you start to believe it. My parents thinking that I'm stupid is REALLY hurting me psychologically, even though I know it's not true. Like right now, I'm pretty depressed, and that's one reason why.

I think you should move away from trying to meet your parent's approval because the issue isn't with you, it's with them.