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dianthus
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13 Feb 2012, 11:41 pm

I get this all the time and it drives me nuts. People are constantly asking me "are you sure?" over the most minor decisions. Things like getting a drink with a meal, or whether or not I want help getting my groceries out to the car. Whatever answer I give, they ask "are you sure?" I don't understand why they won't just take my word for it.

Just last week a woman said I looked "hesitant" about something, and I couldn't figure out why she would even think that. There must be something about my face that looks indecisive because it happens a lot.



Krychek
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14 Feb 2012, 12:02 am

I get this all the time, too.. Which, in turn, is what starts to actually make me unsure. It's like I give a simple response to a simple question, and then the other person reacts as if the response was weird/not right, and it makes me start to doubt myself.


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btbnnyr
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14 Feb 2012, 1:57 am

Oh yes, I can never say that I am sure while looking like I am sure, apparently. Most of the time, it is because I am not sure, but I just spew an answer anyway. It would take me several minutes to become sure of the most minor answers.
When people ask me if I want something, I ask them if I want it. Do you want scrambled eggs for breakfast? Do I want scrambled eggs for breakfast?



Mdyar
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14 Feb 2012, 2:07 am

dianthus wrote:
I get this all the time and it drives me nuts. People are constantly asking me "are you sure?" over the most minor decisions. Things like getting a drink with a meal, or whether or not I want help getting my groceries out to the car. Whatever answer I give, they ask "are you sure?" I don't understand why they won't just take my word for it.

Just last week a woman said I looked "hesitant" about something, and I couldn't figure out why she would even think that. There must be something about my face that looks indecisive because it happens a lot.


People are quick. It's amazing how quick. They zone in, in milliseconds on you. Whatever the mood/mindset happens to be, they read it well. I've developed a style of communicating of what I want to be perceived. I just consciously think about a certain apt modus for the situation, and then walk that walk, and control that scene. This works.

I think with attention problems, it is difficult to synchronize some persona at the needed moment. The mind may be stuck or divided on a self conscious thought, or on another thought altogether, and you need all your resources *focused* but the last image may overlay this and you are divided in appearance.

If feeling uncomfortable around people, or unsure, it pervades and interrupts a singular persona.



beers
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14 Feb 2012, 2:13 am

Krychek wrote:
I get this all the time, too.. Which, in turn, is what starts to actually make me unsure. It's like I give a simple response to a simple question, and then the other person reacts as if the response was weird/not right, and it makes me start to doubt myself.


Hah, I get exactly the same thing. Then they become frustrated that I am 'unsure about everything'. Kind of a self-perpetuating situation..


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14 Feb 2012, 2:42 am

People often ask me after asking me the first time "Do you really want to do x? Because you don't look convinced.".
And either I'm really convinced and sure but I don't use my voice or facial expressions to convey that message or it is something which I really don't know about still but when I'm in the moment where I have to decide, I know it so I'm not really sure about it but I'll see it later.



fraac
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14 Feb 2012, 3:29 am

I don't get that often, but around people I'd always be in character. They can probably see you thinking.



Mdyar
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14 Feb 2012, 11:03 am

fraac wrote:
but around people I'd always be in character. They can probably see you thinking.


Just as I said but in nice two easy sentences. That's the difference-- they see you thinking and the trick is to be aware that you need to be in (a) character.

The difficult part of this is doing enough detective work 'to know' the cause. This division in attention is a natural state, and it took some experimentation on my part to extract this cause of it-- to even become aware of it.

The other part is application, at least for me. Many times my mind has several things moving around at once, like a collage of multiple thoughts existing in parallel -- a thought stack. You feel them all and it certainly can be an incredible distraction. And sometimes a concentrated effort won't suffice here, to quell the extraneous.



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14 Feb 2012, 11:59 am

I don't get "are you sure," nearly as much as I get "are you okay," especially from my boss. I'd REALLY love to know what it is that makes her ask me that. I don't have to be really saying or doing anything at the moment, she'll just randomly look at me sometimes and get a weird look on her face and then ask me if everything's okay. Also, a lot of times when I'm depressed or sad/upset about something(very different from angry), my girlfriend will think I'm angry/grumpy. I'm a little confused about that one too. I mean, I can see the similarities in how I act, in that I tend to talk a lot less and just generally keep to myself. Also if asked opinions about just about anything at the time, I'll usually say that I don't care or that it doesn't matter, and these things happen when I'm both angry and depressed, but when I'm angry I'm much more likely to have an outburst. If I'm depressed, I'm more likely to just keep quiet or go to sleep.

So... apparently I suck at conveying emotions, and I must look like something's wrong with me at random times throughout the day.

Like I said earlier, I don't get asked if I'm sure too often, but I do notice a lot of times people try to make my decisions for me. They must think I'm incapable of knowing what I want/like.



tchek
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14 Feb 2012, 12:30 pm

The "are you sure" thing is the story of my life



tchek
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14 Feb 2012, 12:46 pm

As I said in another post (i copy paste :p), something that happen to me all the time is when someone asks me if I want something, I clearly answer "Yes.", and the guy repeat "...No?"
Me -"I said "Yes""
Guy - "Yes or no?"
Me - "I SAID YES FFS!! !".

Basically either my "Yes" sounds like a "No" (highly unlikely) or people try to take the piss out of me



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14 Feb 2012, 3:54 pm

Yes. I get this constantly.


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dianthus
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14 Feb 2012, 8:08 pm

I thought about it, and maybe what people are picking up on is my reluctance to actually converse with them.

It doesn't happen when I'm using a "persona." But pretty much the only time I put my persona on, is when I'm working. I don't do it on my own time. When I go out to eat, or go shopping, I am different. I would rather not have to deal with store clerks and the like at all, they annoy me.

Maybe part of it too, is I have unusual or unexpected preferences, but really I don't see how it's THAT unusual to ask for a plain cheese pizza (just last week a guy asked if I was sure about that, and acted as if not getting any other toppings was the most bizarre thing he ever heard) or, to decline getting a beverage with a meal. One time a waitress harrassed me through an entire meal asking over and over if I was sure I didn't want anything to drink. It would be logical to assume that a picky eater KNOWS what they want and what they don't want, and is very sure about it. But, people tend to assume that having a definite preference is a sign of indecision, or perhaps a lack of experience with other choices, and this faulty logic drives me crazy.



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14 Feb 2012, 9:35 pm

Well, I people think I am unsure and I am not surprised by that, because I really am unsure, because I tend to overthink even the most trivial stuff



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14 Feb 2012, 10:27 pm

Surprisingly no, people have said that I come off as very confident in my decisions, even when I am not.


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