Strengths and weaknesses.

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6 months ago, my world was falling apart.

I had just lost my girlfriend of 9 years. We'd bought a house together in early 2007, poured all our savings into the mutual endeavor. Things were going OK for 2 years. Then I was fired out of the blue from my office job. My employer apparently didn't like my inability to improve on my weak points, and found cause to fire me and accuse me of all kinds of things. In 2009 my pacemaker ran out of batteries. After this surgery I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy (weakened heart muscle) and on top of that my insurance turned out to be fraudulent. I was then pursued by the hospital for $53,000. I was very stressed out by this. I thought I would lose my house, my credit line (business owner), and end up in debt, paying %1000 a month for my continued existence which is what the debt collectors insisted I pay. I thought I handled the stress rather well, but I was constantly stressed, irritable, worried about my health. I was put on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications.

I didn't know it at the time, but my girlfriend had begun cheating on me with one of her co-workers. I had always granted her the benefit of the doubt when she talked to guys, but had grown suspicious over the precious springtime. With my stress, she let it become hers too, and liked the attention she got acting like a victim. And if I got mad at her for being absent or unsupportive during my predicament it only justified this image she was using to get pity from others. In late June (6/27), I had just returned from my grandmother's memorial service and was feeling rather sad. I had just paid for our breakfast together - I paid for everything. Then, that night she disappeared with my car, and nobody could locate her or my car for 3 days. She'd run away to her new boyfriend's house. I departed the state immediately and did not return for my things until late October. Two days before my return, she packed up all her things, and 1/3 of my things. She stole nearly $2000 worth of things from me including a brand-new couch.

In July, I was drinking 9+ beers a night and sleeping on a couch in my parent's basement - I couldn't stand to be 1500 miles away alone in my own house. I blamed myself for most of it - my health condition, my naivete. I lost my savings, my belongings, my stability. I had known someone for a decade and shared every aspect of my life with them, only to have (what I saw as) the most selfish of possible betrayals. My ability to trust anyone was fractured. I was sad, angry, self-destructive, and unable to feel much of anything.

--------------------------- February, 2012

I feel a great deal different now. I'm not drinking. I'm at a healthy weight. I'm happy. I want people to know that even after long difficult times, that things do get better.

We Aspies get stuck in unhappy places often because of our need for permanence and consistency. We do things even despite gnawing instincts, usually because it's scary to imagine things fundamentally different. We resist reality of states, and try to preserve dead things. We mimic, obsess, and lament. This need to maintain one thing despite inevitable change is our greatest weakness. If you sense things like this, get yourself out of the environment that does not feel right - and it will hurt at first. When you resituate in a place that is familiar and comfortable, you will be happier long-term. I think this is the most important lesson I might impart from this.

Glad your are now in a much better place!