Can you detach yourself from emotions?

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The following is my method for detaching myself from emotions that threaten to tear me apart. Try it out, and let us know if it works for you. If you have your own method, share it so that others may benefit.

My method:

When experiencing emotions that are hindering you in some way, observe them in third person. Become aware of the fact "this person" is experiencing these emotions, and state to yourself what those emotions are doing. For example, if someone is furious over something, they can stop, become aware of the emotions, and may say something to the effect of: "This rage is strong. It's floating there, bubbling with energy, glowing red hot like it's literally burning. The rage now seems to be. . . lessening. It's definitely decreasing in power." Etc.

And why would that rage suddenly begin decreasing in power? Emotions require your submission to them in order to live. If you step outside of yourself and observe them in a scientific manner, their fuel source will quickly run out.

Absolutely. I am in nursing school and I plan to work in the field of trauma/emergency. During my internship I assisted in the operating room last semester and I saw some fairly traumatic injuries. But I didn't think like an NT would, "Oh, that poor person, etc." To me, it was fascinating, almost like a puzzle to be put back together. I don't think of the trauma patients as people, but more as "problems which need solving."

So yes, I am quite able to divorce my emotional feelings from my logical feelings in this respect. And that's a good thing--after all, SOMEBODY has to work in the E/R, might as well put someone like me in there instead of someone who's going to jeopardize the patient's life by freaking out because they're too emotionally involved.

Yes, I detach from my emotions (and too much so, at times).

When i was a child, I remember being frustrated with things that did not work. At one point, i stopped being frustrated because i realised that it did not help, and i started fixing it instead. I saw that other kids were unable to do this and i wondered if it was a sign of me becoming an adult, but even today i see people who "bang their heads against the wall" when things go wrong instead of working on a solution.

As for other emotions, i used to get depressed alot by "taking in" stuff from the world outside. I got really down from reading the news and i just had to stop doing it or i'd never be able to have a life. Nowadays i just skip through the news sites and only read stuff that matters to me and since i do not have a TV, i do not watch the news either. I can say i feel much better because of that.

When i feel a surge of emotions coming at me, i.e. loneliness, i try to control my thoughts and focus on something else. That also helps. While it haven't resulted in me running out, skipping and jumping on a flowery meadow, i've felt significantly better for years now.

I have a very hard time, doing that.

I am very emotional in many ways but when certain factors affect me greatly there is an automated system reaction that occurs; this has developed from years of said emotion/emotional breakdowns, a conditioning unbeknownst to myself that my mind decides it must counter, hence a protective measure, a gate placed upon potential emotional responses.

I'm the opposite; I have to make an effort to attach to my emotions in the first place more often than not.

I'm in your camp on that one Asp-Z.

Every emotion that would be "natural" comes to me more as a thought that "I should feel this way"... Well, not really, it's not like that... it's just that I know it's there some intangible way.

When VERY VERY strong emotions come in... hatred is one that usually has the ability, but few others do. They can be strong enough to break down the block that my life experiences have built up... And it can trickle through... get me talking about the Catholic Church and I turn from this monotone, even and level voice that looks like a totally detached person, into a fuming cauldron of witch's brew.

But for the most part, it's like this block is a filter, that stops ALL emotion before I can "feel" it, or "act on" it, or "react to" it. For years, I don't think I've really known the difference between the two ways I have for bringing it down. In many cases I "forced" the emotion once I knew it was there (that is if I wanted to feel it) Problem is... when i forced it, it wasn't the real emotion coming through. It was what I remembered that emotion to be last time I felt it... More or less..
There has always been times I've been able to do the other technique for bringing it down.. I just don't think I ever knew there was a difference. The other way is by "letting myself" feel it. I am loathe to use the word surrender, as that kinda implies the giving up of the way back... and that "way back" is always there... If it wasn't I'd likely panic. (anxiety attack that is) But when I let myself feel something, it's not the "same every time" like it is with forcing myself. Thing is... I think i've actually only learned this lesson in the past couple weeks. I'm pretty sure it has to do with finding out more about AS and/or talking on this forum too. (Thanks WP!) But there's a special NT friend that I have that is every bit as responsible for helping me with it too... (and she has helped me with many many other things too) Mind you I don't know if she is totally NT sometimes... I think she's almost borderline... but still most often more NT than Aspie.

I've been looking at a lot of the things I "feel" lately... to see if they are the things I force or let happen. I think the best overall way of saying it, is the more relaxed, or "into something" I am, the more likely it is that I let myself feel, the more forced the situation, the less comfortable... the more the emotion is the same every time, so the more I've forced myself to feel it. (or pretend to feel it as the case may be)

For a long while now, that view of my emotions as forced, and almost fake, has really bothered me... It made me second guess a lot of things that ARE important to me... it pushed me away from people and things that matter to me.... Because I wasn't sure if they really did matter... Or if i was just keeping them there for coping reasons. Understanding the two ways I "feel" and being able to believe (because I understand what I'm doing) that the emotion is real... I don't know... it made it real again, even though for a while EVERYTHING felt fake.

PS... what I think the block is.. is that my mind is actually able to jump in before it releases whatever hormones are involved, and wait until I "Okay" them. It can hold off, If I decide to. It can release them in lower quantities (I think) It is just another case of my mind diverting something that my subconscious normally takes care of to my conscious mind for me to "decide" upon.
I don't know if the block was something I was born with... part of the altered wiring of the brain that ASD is all about, or if it is something that I created to deal with the trauma of abuse in church, at home, and to a lesser extent at school.
I still lean to believing I was born with it.... Though it might just have been something I had to "activate."

ditto for me!

Likewise. Often I won't feel the relevent emotion till some time after the trigger, and even when I do it might not be quite the expected emotion.Counsellors used to tell me they thought I was repressing a lot of feelings, but we didn't know about AS back then. So I'm only now getting used to not suspecting myself of that so much, though of course it could be going on. I'm comfortable talking about my feelings but mostly I stick to past feelings because they're the only ones I can pin down with much confidence, and even there I'm still having to do a lot of guessing and revising.

When I do get strong, negative feelings, I try to recognise them, and rather than detaching, I'll use other methods of coping......physical work, singing loud (more acceptable than shouting but pretty much as effectlve)....once I bent some coins double using a hammer and pliers - that was after a blazing row with my girlfriend about money - I felt that money had hurt me so I attacked it. For boredom, I take a small risk. For anxiety, I retreat to my bunker and draw a new attack plan (if required). For a lot of less intense negative feelings, I just drive through the crap.....mostly they don't last long and they're pretty much inevitable.

It's very difficult. I've long known that adjusting my environment according to logic can only take me part of the way along the road to contentment. I need to adjust it to suit my emotions, and the only maps I have of those are smudgy and incomplete.

I cannot block [though I can usually eject] emotions that poince on me out of nowhere screaming. But I have a pretty good blocking record. Usually involves careful analytical attention to the environment, my physical reactions [Ah, I see my pulse is elevated] and anything else that can block.

I always feel like I'm outside of myself. I truly am not connected to my emotions...this can work for or against me. People have commented on me being cold and insensitive in the past but also very resilient(because I'm not affected by my environment/emotions to a great degree) and able to make a complete turn around like nothing they have ever seen. I think one person who told me that he'd never seen someone do such 180s like I do was actually a little creeped out by it. He seemed like he thought I had no soul.

In the past I used to og through the motions and pretend to feel things I didn't actually l feel...I thought it might make me "normal". I still try to get myself to feel some degree but most of the time it just interferes with productivity.

It isn't as thought i have NO emotions though, it's just like they pass through a filter before they reach me or they're always at a comfortable distance from how I TRULY feel. I'm not a monster LOL. I think I get most of the emotions other people get I just don't them feel as intensely and I can turn them off most of the time.

Last edited by MotownDangerPants on 06 Jul 2010, 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was extremely emotional before I was 14, now I am oblivious to emotions. I can have emotions if I want to though but most of the time I would rather not because when I do I'm too emotional. It's all or nothing with me.

This is pretty much how I am and it's been the root of all my marital problems for the past eight years.

I'd have trouble doing that. I feel emotions intensely on the inside even when I repress my outward display of emotion. I don't seem to have any choice in the matter w.r.t. what I feel inside. I can only control how I act/display my feelings. I don't really have that ability to detach from my feelings so I often feel anxious and on edge. People can easily hurt me or make me angry.

I'm envious of people who can be detached. They probably aren't so sensitive and don't get so depressed. I wish I could just ignore how awful I felt and just carry one with life as a robot. Instead I can barely function.

Last edited by marshall on 06 Jul 2010, 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's pretty much Vipassana meditation in a nutshell. Though that also extends to bodily touch, sight and sound, and verbal and image based thought.