Certain people drain you?

Post Reply New Topic

I know this is common in alot of ways cause the isolation thing for asperger's. But I'm wondering if my relationship with it is a little different, more peculiar?

It's not that I don't get along with people, it's not that I can't talk to people, it's not that people don't like me. It's actually quite the opposite, I have alot of friends, of many different types and get along with all of them well and have lots of good times.

It's just that quite literally 90% of them drain me. Without them even noticing, just like their presence. And it quite literally will take me like a whole day to recover from it fully and get myself back to how I like to feel. These people feel different to me, they stand out to me... almost visually. Like if I pay really close attention to myself and my perceptions, I can avoid it, but thats typically takes more effort than it's worth than to even try going out.

And I post this because, I don't want to just start telling people off because of a circumstance that... they probably don't even believe in or even comprehend, or could even begin to understand how to fix. But really, it's starting to annoy me more and more. The people who just don't understand how we are all energetically connected and like, just their small thoughts that they think are 'theirs in their head' actually do project out and change everything arund them and greatly affect the whole vibe of the area.

Because I do have like a couple groups of friends who are very conscious of this themselves, we talk about it and I never have any issues with them, typically I feel more together the following day. But like I said 90% of my friends... I just can't be around too often or for too long.

Have any of you guys dealt with this... and possibly breaking ties with people on something that they don't even grasp the idea of how it exists? I just don't want to be physically near some people anymore, I'd still talk to them on like instant messenger, cause nothing of the conversation is bad, it's just their actual presence seems to adversely affect me.

I can totally relate...there are very few people I can be around for any length of time without feeling really drained. I can be around my boyfriend because we are mentally on a similar wavelength and can constantly be around each other while still allowing ourselves an adequate amount of space....But it is one of the reasons I don't have many close friendships...i need to take a passive role as a friend...I need to be able to escape from people....or else I fizzle out really fast.

Normally this happens after talking on the phone. I get nervous on the phone a lot. Not usually with family or friends, mostly what has to do with business. Like if I had to call in sick from work, or order a pizza, or sh!t like that. I kept hesitating to call in a refill of one of my meds until me parents told me that it was done by artificial intelligence where you push buttons instead of talking to an actual pharmacist. But put me face to face with someone, it's a hell of a lot easier.

I hate the phone. I greatly loathe the phone. I typically only text message people. I don't know exactly why. I've sort of come to understand that like, alot of when I interact with people and talk, I don't so much understand their words and language perfectly, but I can feel them, feel their intention and based off key phrases, subject at hand and being able to just sort of perceive this feeling around them I can talk highly effectively. But on the phone, that feeling isn't there cause the actual person isn't there, so talking on the phone is very foreign to how I typically interact.

I feel drained with almost everybody. That is why I like being alone

Everybody seems to drain the life out of me. Thats probably why its 5am and I'm not asleep yet, because late at night I don't have to deal with anyone.

Good Lard, it takes so much out of me to be around people, even family gatherings I will need to take a nap afterwards... As a mom, I need to break away after dinner by folding laundry and such to ease my mind, find peace just for an hour or so by myself.. The phone is annoying as well, I enjoy talking to people if it can be less than 5 minutes..

Almost any social interaction drains me.

Same as the rest of you. There are maybe two people I'm close to that don't "drain" me, but going out or interacting with others- even if it's friends- requires a lot of mental preparation on my part. I often need recovery time as well- like if I go out Friday night with these people, Saturday and Sunday will need to be spent in complete isolation.

I've lost a lot of friends due to the fact that I just won't go out and physically "see" them. And I've had some get angry that I have time to talk to them over AIM, but "can't see people today."

I use this phrase a lot with people who can't grasp the idea. "No, I can't go, I just...can't see people today." Trying to explain the problem to some gets you nowhere, so I just leave it vague. Some friends who fall into the "90%" category are used to hearing this phrase from me enough now that they won't question it- even if they don't understand.

most def. i am an NT and people drain me all the time. in fact i haven't seen anybody outside of my family and co-workers since august, for that very reason. i'm in hermit mode.

It's reassuring (or something) to know that I'm not alone in my dislike of the phone. On the surface, it would seem like an aspie should prefer phone communication since it eliminates at least some of that putative non-verbal gabbing that we supposedly are blind to. However, this is definitely not the case for me or apparently a good number of other folks on this list.

On the main question, YES, a lot of people do drain me and leave me in a Tourette's tick frenzy. There are some people, who drain me with even the smallest of interactions. Their whole vibe is like having the breath sucked out of me. These are NOT malevolent people in any way, and I recently had the very weird experience of accepting a heartfelt gift from such a person. I can only hope I did not seem like a total jerk.

Prolonged social interaction has always been very physically draining for me.

Oh yeah, I can relate. There's only one person who doesn't drain me, and some people definitely drain me more than others...people I still consider friends, I just can't help that I get tired from being around them.

Yes I find mixing with most people is draining. It's different to feeling exhausted (like after a marathon or something) its like a cognitive fatigue and worse it feels like your soul has had a battering. There are some people I find just make my face ache, I know I have to work harder to prevent them from attacking or belittling me. Its not that I dislike them just some primitive sense is adverse to their presence. As I have got older inevitably I have had to sort of kick into touch certain friends it just got to the point where the friendship was stale and it felt like a chore.

Mostly on-topic and slightly off-topic rant ahead:

Prolonged social interaction not involving my subjects of interest becomes extremely stressful after about a day or so. One day consisting of hours of social interaction needs at least 3 to 4 days to 'recover'(usually more), otherwise I become quite erratic when around people again for periods of time more than an hour or so. School wasn't a problem in this area because I could focus on something besides the people in the room, but the more quitodian friendships and social interactions are awkward to engage in. Fronts would help with this, but I still wasn't fooling anyone. It just made me more 'weird', or a 'clown'.

Being around other people too long with the focus on subjects outside of my interests greatly exacerbates those personality disorder traits that I have.

I sometimes like laying in bed for 20+ hours straight, or with a book, or a computer, after being around other people for too long. I need to be back to my thoughts again. Around and around they go... if only I could better put those thoughts to practice in the real world I might do something with myself and not be 'the loser living in my parents' basement' according to my former friend(or at the very least, support myself, which I'm sure I'm fully capable of). Just have to keep trying, because one day I'll actually do something satisfying and something where the results make me happy.

It is stressful and confusing. The one close friendship I had deteriorated over the last half decade or so, because I was the 'ungrateful bastard', the 'recluse', the 'p****', a 'girl', and the 'lazy, arrogant weirdo'. "You need to get out more." "Be more normal." "Be a man and finish these beers." "Shut up." "That's not what I meant you f*****g ret*d."(after me taking a comment literally), "I'm not interested in that. Shut up about it already."/"You're full of BS."/"You're stupid."(after explaining an idea or a concept) "Why do you have to critiscize me all the time?"(after explaining the flaws in the person's idea and not the person) "You're a f*****g wuss."(after not wanting to go around vandalizing other people's property)

Now I'm again alone in real life with regard to friends(I left on my own because he was beating his girlfriend, threatening me when I'd say something about it, and calling me various insulting names), but I do have friendly acquaintences from college I speak to online and don't have to be alone, but I just don't know how to start over again without 'burning another bridge' so to speak. For those who really know who their friends are, be glad, because I don't know how to determine that very well and never did. Just because someone says they're your friend doesn't make it true. There's a lot of good people out there and good to be found in everyone(including my former friend), but finding these things is where things become difficult. People are confusing, you never know how they're going to react to what you say, why they say the things they do, or what they're thinking and feeling...

I suppose I should find people with my interests, but they are very, very hard to find offline, and most of them are much older than I am, have families, ect. and don't have the time to dedicate themselves to a project spanning months or a very long, in-depth exchange of information. If you others have friends your age that closely share your interests, you are very, very lucky. Being 'social' would be fun as opposed to confusing and stressful, nevermind how educational it could actually be.

Ideas/Concepts > Useless banter/Partying

I tried to live the opposite way just to 'fit in' with my friend and his circle of friends, but it just won't work for me. Being the "arrogant know-it-all" in a group of 'normal' people is anything but pleasant.