Was my social life *always* abnormal?

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Transhuman
Snowy Owl
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Posts: 136

16 Feb 2012, 12:31 pm

Here's what my social life was like:

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Before the primary school:
Started playing with other children occasionally, after my dad told me how I'm supposed to act when I see another child (tell him/her: "Hi, what's your name?"). For example, I was digging a hole. Then, I see a child and I come up to him and say "Hey, what's your name?". I introduce myself and they introduce themselves. Then, we start digging the hole together.

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Primary school:
-Outcast (as in, everybody was together and I was 'by myself')
-Talked about astronomy & geology all the time
-Some people liked what I talked about, so I had some people I could talk to (3-4 people), 1-2 of whom I could consider friends
-Some people refused to talk to me because apparently I 'acted ret*d', as they said

Outside school:
-Played with a group of children 1/3 of the time, but felt out of place whenever the 'playing' stopped and the socializing started
-Dug holes alone trying to find minerals 2/3 of the time, or played alone with a ball
-Didn't have any conversations apart from the group-set playing objectives (didn't have any "social" conversations)

============================================================

Secondary school:
-Outcast
-Had no friends at all, apart from 1 from the primary school during the first year half, whom I lost due to separation.
-Some people refused to talk to me because apparently I 'acted ret*d', as they said.

Outside school:
First 1-2 years of secondary school:
-Played with a group of children, felt out of place whenever the 'playing' stopped and the socializing started
-Was very often rejected by that group. I had to make them want to play with me with material goods.
-Didn't have any conversations apart from the group-set playing objectives.

After the first 1-2 years of secondary school:
-Nothing, since the 'outside playing' stopped at around that age
============================================================

High school:
-Outcast
-Had no friends at all, and no one I could have a conversation with

Outside school:
-Nothing
============================================================



Was my 'social life' always abnormal? And why did it get worse with age?



Joe90
Veteran
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Joined: 23 Feb 2010
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Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

16 Feb 2012, 1:14 pm

My social life got more abnormal with age. It was quite normal as a toddler, since there aren't many social expectations for toddlers. My mum said when I was at preschool, she used to pick me up with her friend who had a boy at preschool, and on the way home I used to hold his hand or run ahead with him (like I see a lot of toddlers do).

At Infants School all I ever did was have tantrums, then when I got to the last year of Infants School I calmed down by then but I was still awkward for the teachers, and I think I scared the other children off, which prevented having proper friendships with them.

At Junior School I was much better, and became a lot more self-aware, and the teachers were impressed with me. Well, I fell behind a bit on my education but I improved with my social skills and got along better with other children, and I learned not to cry at everything, and whenever I did get anxious about something I would always tell someone, either another student or one of the teachers. But at this school there was an excellent Special Needs helper, who was very good with children with disabilities, and I must say she helped a lot with me to gain better social skills. But there was only one problem - the children started seeing one another outside of school, but I never got asked to sleep over anyone's house or even go to anyone's for tea. I sometimes used to play with some of the children in my neighbourhood in summer evenings, but that went out the window when I reached about 11. I only had a normal social life with my cousins.

High School was the worst, because that's where social expectations grow higher. I think every teenager finds it hard in some way, so it's worse for Aspies or teenagers with other special needs. You need to be precise, otherwise you will stand out and get shunned, which isn't very nice. I had even less friends at High School, and as I got to the last couple of years, I had less chance of making new friends because everybody just stuck in certain groups and cliques. I had a little group of friends, but even then that wasn't normal - they kept falling with me and done things at week-ends without inviting me, and just made me feel insignifficant.

College was OK - people became more considerable at college. A lot of shy people took on easy courses there just to meet friends who shared the same sort of interest, so I did meet some people there. But sadly I lost touch with them, except for two, who I still see, which is nice. One of them is Autistic and the other one has a disability but I'm not sure if it's mild AS or something else.

My social life is OK now. I'm not as lonely as I used to be but I don't have as many friends as other people have. But now I've learnt, it's not how many friends you have, it's how nice they are.


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sohmasheep
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 12 May 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 38

16 Feb 2012, 3:29 pm

My social life since preschool has always been like this:

- Being an outcast
- Always being by myself
- Failing to connect with my peers, even those who dared to try to become my "friends"
- Always keeping my special interests to myself
- Ignoring whatever trends my peers followed at that time, which surely contributed to my isolation.

Recently, I began taking an online college course, so now I almost never leave my house. But that's OK, I have my special interests to pass the time and I live with my family so I've got all the socialization I need. :)