Living with people who aren't relatives...

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Frankie_J
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15 Feb 2012, 8:28 pm

How did it go for you?

When I was living on campus at university I had to share a kitchen/living space with about six other girls. I would hesitate and often wait it out in my room when I heard people out in the hallways. I dreaded bumping into them and having to say hi and small talk. The kitchen was down the hall, so I could never hear if anyone was in there. I'd wait until it's quiet and go in and usually once I've opened the door and noticed someone in there I feel immediately less comfortable. Just awkward. I recall one night I was planning to go in and cook dinner around 6pm and loads of people were around, making noise and having a pre-party before heading off out for the night. So I decided to stay in my room and ended up waiting there for hours.
Another time my entire flat arranged a christmas party in the kitchen and made a huge deal of it. Loads of food and decorations and stuff. I was anxious about it for days and then when it came to the actual day I just couldn't do it. Mum rang me after hearing my concerns and asked me whether I wanted to leave university. I burst out crying and hung up on her. Later that day a few of the flatmates knocked on my door to ask if I was okay. I cried again. In front of them (I hate crying in front of people!)
The girls in the flat had a friend from downstairs in the other flat. They all went out a lot together and got close. This isolated me even more and I heard her whisper things about me. It just sucked.
Moving out into a place with a friend was better, but still awkward. She understood me more, but I still wanted to stay in my room all the time. I'd still try and avoid her in communal areas. When her friends were around I'd never go downstairs. It just makes me realise I don't want to share a place with anyone unless I'm close with them and they know about my issues.

Anyone else been similar?



Daneeka
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15 Feb 2012, 9:18 pm

I can't say I've lived with six women, though, I wish. I do, however, live with a friend from High School and deal with it similarly. I've gone whole weeks without so much as a glimpse because I don't want to socialize at all. His guests can be a problem as well; I usually try to make sure I'm asleep by the time they come over.

It's rather annoying living with others, isn't it?



Dots
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15 Feb 2012, 10:07 pm

I'm sharing a house with 7 other people right now. I avoid them too, but mostly this one guy because he is very hot headed and goes off on yelling rants with lots of profanity. He had the cops called on him once when he was out with his girlfriend and they followed him home and he argued with them in the house at 1:30 in the morning and they threatened to arrest him.

So my living situation sucks right now, but in May I'm moving in with some friends so it should be better.

The first time I lived with someone else for school it was just me and another guy, and he constantly left me passive aggressive notes shaming me for not being social with him. He said I was stuck up for staying in my room all the time.


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Frankie_J
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16 Feb 2012, 6:00 pm

Dots wrote:
The first time I lived with someone else for school it was just me and another guy, and he constantly left me passive aggressive notes shaming me for not being social with him. He said I was stuck up for staying in my room all the time.


8O What else did he say?



Invader
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16 Feb 2012, 6:07 pm

You only feel like this while living with people who aren't relatives?



ManicMinx
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16 Feb 2012, 7:34 pm

A couple of years ago I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and his two best friends. At times things were ok (when we would drink and smoke), but most of the time I liked to be in my room. One of my boyfriend's friends was really into drugs and he would get really messed up, so that caused me a lot of anxiety as well, although I didn't feel like he would hurt me, I still didn't wanna be around that s**t. I would avoid contact a lot because I just didn't know how to interact with them on a regular basis unless we were drinking/smoking, because that relaxes me. I can definitely see how I was a pain in the ass to live with. Oh well :/



Frankie_J
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16 Feb 2012, 7:35 pm

Invader wrote:
You only feel like this while living with people who aren't relatives?


I think so. I guess I'm naturally more okay living back with my parents because they know me the best and it's just different with them. If my siblings are staying over then, again, it's not so bad, but I still get an urge to stay away from the big family crowd sometimes. I know I have to have my time around them and such, but, say, if my brother and sister-in-law were invited over for dinner to sit around a table I'd be quite reluctant and not so happy about that.



NicoleG
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16 Feb 2012, 10:32 pm

I share a house with two couples, and we have all been living together for ~5 years now. We all get along amazingly well. I've also had bad roommates in the past, and so have some of my current roommates. It's important to pick the people you will live with carefully. Everyone must be aware and courteous of each other's needs. People don't just magically work well with one another simply because they live together, and most people don't want to change their own habits to accommodate someone else. Some people laugh about the idea of interviewing potential roommates, but I think it's always a highly viable consideration.