another social mistake today (introductions)

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oceandrop
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18 Mar 2012, 6:17 pm

My NT gf and I just bumped into an NT couple, one of whom I know from work.

I said hi and we chatted briefly and my workmate introduced her partner. I thought I did ok and as we started walking away my NT gf was so mad at me as I didn't introduce her. I said but you met her before a few months ago and know her already, but apparently I was supposed to have introduced her to the guy I had just met also.

Another kick in balls and reminder that I mess up socially even when I think I did ok.

Where do NTs get these rules from anyway, it's so frustrating.

I will go back to my new special interest of copper porphyry deposits. Special interests never disappoint me. I sometimes wonder why I even leave my room.



DanRaccoon
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18 Mar 2012, 6:22 pm

Special interests are always good. People are just annoying. I think it was a bit silly of her to get so mad just because you failed to introduce her to someone. It's not like you did it out of rudeness.


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Boxman108
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18 Mar 2012, 6:42 pm

People should really just introduce themselves. It's really not that hard.


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invisibubble
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18 Mar 2012, 6:46 pm

oceandrop wrote:
but apparently I was supposed to have introduced her to the guy I had just met also.


Could be wrong but I don't think you did anything wrong. It defies logic that you would introduce your girlfriend to a guy you were just introduced to as your girlfriend would have heard the introduction thus you would have looked stupid if you repeated the introduction. I don't think this is about an NT rule - it's a thing with your GF - maybe even she was embarrassed because she couldn't remember your colleague's name or something. I guess you could get around that in future by saying "x, do you remember y?" - at which point they'll both say yes even if they don't but then they find out the other person's name if they need to.



CanisMajor
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18 Mar 2012, 7:30 pm

invisibubble wrote:
Could be wrong but I don't think you did anything wrong. It defies logic that you would introduce your girlfriend to a guy you were just introduced to as your girlfriend would have heard the introduction thus you would have looked stupid if you repeated the introduction. I don't think this is about an NT rule - it's a thing with your GF - maybe even she was embarrassed because she couldn't remember your colleague's name or something. I guess you could get around that in future by saying "x, do you remember y?" - at which point they'll both say yes even if they don't but then they find out the other person's name if they need to.


I second this. The guy was new to you, right? It would seem you'd have just as much an obligation to introduce her to the stranger as your friend had to do the opposite. Why should the responsibility fall on you? Besides, if your friend is familiar with these sorts of rules, and she didn't do it, then I'd think the onus is more on her than on you. She would be outright defying the convention, whereas you would be ignorant of it. It's hardly fair to blame you when your friend should've set the example.

That's my logical argument. From my personal point of view, I think your gf is just overreacting. Either she felt too nervous to introduce herself and decided to place an undue burden on you so she would feel better, or she forgot you have trouble with these sorts of conventions and isn't giving you the patience and understanding that she should. Either way, I'm sorry you had to go through with that, but don't feel too bad. If your friends thought everything was normal, then you did well. As for the gf, well, I hope she realizes it wasn't your fault.



alex
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18 Mar 2012, 7:36 pm

Yeah, it was the other guy's gf/wife's responsibility. You just met the guy. However I can see why your gf felt left out.


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18 Mar 2012, 8:06 pm

There have been loads of times when I've been with NT people and they've stopped to talk to friends (strangers to me) and they never introduced me.

I didn't take offence because I didn't care to know these people, I would probably never see them again and even if i did, and they wanted to get to know me, then they could easily say hi themselves.

If I'm with someone, and I see someone I know and I've SPOKEN about the first person to the second or visa versa before, then I will introduce "oh, hey, this is so-and-so, who I was telling you about with the thing?" "oh yeah, nice to meet you blah blah..." but if they are just someone I know and the first person is not likely to meet them again then I wont bother, because theirs no point. It's not like they'll strike up a life long friendship from an introduction, so I'm not preventing anything.



draelynn
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18 Mar 2012, 10:30 pm

I still do this all the time. One of my biggest problems is, if the person is only a casual acquaintance, it's hit or miss if I'll remember their face. So, i fake my way through it and then simply apologize profusely for my lack of 'manners' when my spouse introduces himself. This way the person identifies themselves so I MIGHT remember them. sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.