NT skills turning into habits

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Has anyone ever worked on a skill such as eye contact or small talk or not talking about your special interests all the time nor going on and on about stuff or interrupting, etc. and then it became natural because it tuned into a habit?

This often happens to me and it feels like my mind has rewired itself because of it. it's just like how I had to keep reminding myself to check to put my keys in my purse and check, now I just do it without thinking about it. Same as when I lock the door on the way out. I do it without thinking. Its the same with skills when I work at it. It then turns into a habit.

Does anyone else ever feel like their minds have rewired itself again?

Some social skills have become habit for me, probably because I spent many years in retail jobs. Saying hello, smiling, telling people to have a nice day. If someone asks me how I'm doing, I ask them how they're doing in return. Used to be that I had to remind myself to do these things, but they're habitual now. Unless I'm exceptionally stressed or just having a terrible day in general.

Eye contact is still very difficult for me, however. Quick glances are usually all I can manage.

Talking to people is VERY hard for me.

Very much so. I still usually forget to ask people back how they are, and sometimes eye contact is still painful, etc etc etc, but I've been working on being able to interact with people for about 30 years now (I decided to try to learn how when I was about 20, and I'm 50 now). It has really taken me 30 years to learn even as much as I've learned, but a lot of it has become habit after all this time. So much so that often I don't realize how much energy I'm putting out to keep the "habit" until I'm in a room of nothing but aspies. Then I can relax - not have to smile at everything, not have to not "fidget", not have to pretend I'm interested in pointless topics of conversation, not have to (insert typical aspie trait here).

But some of it is more a "habit" than not, now, because it makes my life easier. For example, when I make and keep eye contact, people treat me more "normally". So I get a "reward" for making eye contact. Only thing is I had to go through years (for me, actually decades) of hell before I got "skilled" enough to be able to make and keep eye contact so I could get that "reward". Before that, it was just try-and-fail, try-and-fail, try-and-fail until I finally started to get it right.

Yes. Eye-contact, greeting people, looking at/after people - I learnt to do it and it has become a habit much like talking.

That's to say... talking isn't really natural is it. It's something we learn too. It doesn't feel natural to me, it's just something I learnt to do and try to take advantage of although it's really difficult for me to do and poses lots of problems. (People assuming that because you can talk, you actually have an average grasp on language, understand everyone, understand what you're saying yourself, so on...)

I don't think a habit is what is commonly considered to be "natural", but yes, eye-contact can become a habit (for some). It did for me.

It takes some thought during difficult situations but has generally turned into a (useless) habit with strangers. If I don't do this, most people treat me funny.

I do not feel that doing all these things has changed anything on the inside though. I feel more autistic than ever before, knowing that there are all those things that others have a much easier time doing and using to express themselves and to take care of themselves while the same things are so alien to me and that acquiring similar-looking skills is so complicated.

Looking into other people's eyes, I see nothing but their eyes. Doing eye-contact is a very harsh reminder that while other people pick up on non-verbal information "there" because they're non-autistic, I don't because I'm autistic. It didn't become a habit and I don't try to do this with friends and family because it's entirely useless to make an effort to look them in the eye.

Eye contact I can fake "naturally" because I read several years ago (In high school, I believe) that looking at the point between people's eyes makes it look like you're looking them in the eyes without actually having to do it.

Small talk is extremely difficult for me, but I can say hello and smile and (usually) avoid giving a long drawn-out truthful answer to the "how are you?" question. I can't say that I'm "fine" when I'm not, but I can say, "pretty good," "not too shabby," or "okay."

What exactly does it mean when people say it comes natural to them or when we say it comes natural for NTs? I figured it meant they do it without thinking because it's wired into their brains. So I thought I naturally lock my apartment, I naturally lock my car, I naturally put my keys in my purse. I naturally do things that have become habits. For about a year I locked my husband in the car after I turn it off and open my car door because it was natural for me to lock my car as I get out. It was a habit so my mind was on autopilot for that. Now I make sure he has his car door open before I lock it. I had to train myself to do that. But it doesn't come natural because I have to remember to do it or else I end up locking him in the car again.

Eye contact has become easier for me over the years. I also don't ramble on and talk at people like I used to in a non WP setting. I'm actually afraid to talk to most people about my special interests in real life, unless I'm around people that I can trust. All the things that I keep bottled up inside about my special interests comes out on WP on some days.

I understand what you mean, but I wouldn't say that any of it comes 'naturally' to me, but that some things come more easily these days. For instance, I've worked at the same job for 9 years, where I have to check people in and out of an athletic club, and it's now much easier for me to ask 'how are you' and say 'have a nice day', or respond if they say the same to me. I'm not very good at reciprocating niceties, so I always had to constantly remind myself to do so. While it's easier and a bit more 'automatic' these days, there are times I still don't do it, mostly when I'm tired or preoccupied.

Not even my response to 'how are you' is natural, because I used to respond honestly ( ), and had to train myself to respond with 'well' or 'great' or whatever it is people actually want to hear. While I never answer the honest way anymore, I still hesitate before responding, because it's my natural instinct to do so.

I have habitized some social skills, others are still hard
I think the cryptinite to our aspie superpowers is asking "how are you doing?" when you dont really want the answer.
I mostly fail this one. Alot of times, I just say "I am doing, whatever that is" which I usually get looked at weirdly for.

Mom taught me to say, "I am hanging in there" as code for not good. This seems to go better with them replying "well keep hanging in there...it will get better." or something like that


Jojo

It makes sense. We cant completely rewire our brains but then with plasticity our minds can be molded to have an ability if we work on something. The thing about aspies, we can pick up NTs habits, we just have to work on it until we've nailed it. Whereas NTs have abilities such as social skills that they really didnt have to work on learning. They did have to learn it but they naturally picked it up due to mirror neurons. Aspies can say make eye contact if they keep consciously enforcing it whereas many NTs where either born with making eye contact or picked it up before age 5.