Parents using Firm Guidance

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My parents used a lot of firm guidance with me, when I was between the ages 17 and 19. I was even sent to a special needs college programme where students were prepared for and turned over to the Work Force. I thought that they were the most evil people on the planet as a hippie. They did those things to me, because they knew that I could make something better of myself than just a flower child.

Even though I was angry at the time, I appreciated what they did nowadays. I've cut my hair the summer of 1994, held down a job that I hated for three years, discovered my true taste in music and I've been living on my own for a few years.

If my parents didn't do that, I'd still be in the basement of their old house stringing beads and listening to protest music. They weren't going to motivate me to make something of myself by saying, "I love you my sweet, little hippie."

Did your parents use firm guidance on you, and did it work?

Maybe I could edit the title and topic a little. I just needed the right words and you gave them to me. Thank you.

Sort of just not consistently and mostly just my mom.......but nope it just made me feel like crap.

I still get a lot of guidance and support from my Mum, but she's let me make my own mistakes my whole life, and I'm glad. She'd tell me things like "You're going to get hurt if you jump off the top bunk of your brothers bed," but if I chose to say "No I won't!" She wouldn't stop me, but she'd be there to kiss the bo bo's and tell me she only says things like that because they're true, not because she doesn't want me to have fun. She would ALWAYS explain when she would put her foot down and say no to something, and if I broke rules, I had consequences (she never once hit us, and we respect her.. Us being me and my siblings.) Even if she doesn't agree with a decision I make, as long as it's not a life threatening one, she'll voice her opinions and then support me 100% A lot of them have been successful, and some haven't. I've known really smothering parents who have horribly behaved kids (some are adults now) and some parents who were barely in their kids lives with the same reaction.. I think my Mum had the right mix of firm guidance, tough love, and giving us the freedom we needed as kids and teens.

I'm lucky to have my Mum and I tell people every chance I get lol.

Yep - my Mum wouldn't let me get away with anything. She's not and wasn't perfect, but I thrived on rules becasue they made me feel safe and I could understand the world as a constant and my place within it.

She also made me do things like talk on the phone (I hated the phone) and eat new things (a big roadblock for me). I'm still not NT-like in these areas, but I'm certainly a lot better than I would have been, had my dislike for certain life-skills been pandered to.

What a nice post. Raising kids is so hard. You screw up all the time and they expect you to be perfect. They never really see you as a real person. It's a sign of maturity when you can see that your parents love you and don't stay up late at night plotting ways to make your life miserable.

My parents were pretty strict but the worst punishment at our house was having to sit on the couch - a time-out, I guess. My mother ruled with disapproval. ugh! I could have used a little more guidance but my mom had 9 kids and 6 were younger than me. She was busy and Dad worked 2-3 jobs. I was smart enough to stay under her radar and pretty much did as I pleased.