Maturity and Adulthood in NT world

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Why do NTs perceive conformity as maturity?

Since I am 19, I'm supposed to say "chill" instead of "sleepover", or else I get precived as childish or homosexual. Am I immature for not wanting to support homophobia?

And are you really "dressing like an adult" or are you conforming to standards set by the elite who control what is "normal"?

Is somone immature for realizing this?

I will say most people are funny about words, not so much using words that are too young for me in my case, but I call all medications DRUGS and it drives my mom bonkers.

She gets legitimately offended because of the negative connotation of the word"drugs", outrageous.

You guys/girls said to someone. Well we are animals too.

& they hate it.

I think it is a sign of maturity to realize that these parameters are absurd, arbitrary definitions created by other people to make sense of the world (to themselves). It shows that you don't blindly accept the norm as inherently correct.

Conforming to them is merely a sign of accepting that if I do [this], it will make me appear [this]. I suppose you could call that maturity but in a different sense. It's a step toward something you want to achieve (if that's what you decide you want). It does not mean you have to believe in them on principle, only that you recognize that they work.

Why do they perceive conformity as maturity?

= a responsibility for other people showing by a responsibility to uphold social norms in order to keep society/everyday life stable and running.

If people would make a point to pause and consider whether or not a decision (and resulting action) is not merely traditional/culture-conforming but also reasonable and logical (and ethical) by ever changing but important standards, our economy would be most dysfunctional. There is no time to ponder all decisions.

That's one useful side to "conformity" and serves as an expression of maturity in the sense of "being able to shoulder responsibility for other people (to a limited extend including their feelings) in flexible/spontaneous situations that do not allow a lot of time to pass until a decision is made and put into action".

Of course, as with everything else there tend to be (massive) useless exaggerations of conformity but the essence is pretty important to be capable of.

Whenever I try to conform I begin to get very depressed. Apparently NTs see me more mature whenever I am depressed.

Seems everything is based around age.

My mum's a bit weird about this - when a 16-year-old boy is crying, she says, ''oh you know what kids are - they do still bawl at that age'', but when a 3-year-old bawls, she's like, ''tsk, he/she's 3 now, shouldn't be bawling any more!''

Anyway, went a bit off topic there but I just had to point that out. But yeah, it's annoying how everything is based around age. According to most people I know, once you get past a certain age in late teens, it's considered ''childish'' if you sit in your bedroom with your friends, and you got to have a really good excuse to sit in your bedroom, it can't be just for fun. But apparently you're allowed to take a boyfriend or girlfriend upstairs with you. Oh and you ''can't'' hang around the town after about 4 o'clock if you are past school-age, you have to either go into a pub, or you have to be with a boyfriend or girlfriend if you are about in the town. Otherwise, it is considered ''immature'' if you hang around the town in the evenings with your mates if you are in your early 20s and over - UNLESS you are waiting to be picked up by a taxi, or something like that.

Also I asked my mum the other day if I can invite one of my mates round for dinner, and she was like, ''no, you don't invite people round for dinner now, only school-age people do that'', and I said, ''your sister comes round for dinner'' and she said, ''yer but that's family, it's OK if it's family'', and I said, ''so I can never invite another person round for dinner again? I hear other people doing that all the time'', and my mum said, ''only if you cook the dinner - it's a bit silly if you invite a friend round and your parents cook the dinner''. I was like, ''God, who makes up all these weird rules?''

I like my mum to wash my hair for me because I don't always get all the shampoo out properly (since my hair is thick and awkward) and your should hear the criticisms I receive from other people! They only wouldn't criticise if it's a ''one off'' or if I have a really good excuse, like I broke my arm of something.

To be an adult, you have to have an excuse if you want to do these things.

If you want to climb the social and career ladders then it's probably important to do that stuff. So, from people who have the mindset that everyone wants that stuff, then it's childish not to do what it takes to try to achieve it. Of course, if you have no interest in those goals at all then that's probably such an alien mindset that most people can't comprehend it (and so they assume that it's an unwillingness to "face the truth of adulthood" and thus reflects childishness).

I actually do wonder if ASD involves not losing "kid instincts," kid-level learning ('excessive' curiosity) and other traits that are supposed to disappear in adulthood. But I wouldn't call that childishness.

I always wondered what it was about NTs my age that made them seem more mature than I was. I never thought of conformity to society's standards before. It makes sense though, that conforming to what others expect you to do in adulthood would basically make you an adult in everyone's eyes, and you would move away from your child-like instincts and behaviors. Before I knew about autism, I referred to myself as having "Arrested Development Disorder". This was in my early 20s, when I was in graduate school and saw for the first time a murky disparity between myself and others. It was like my peers all grew up and more-or-less alike, and I was the same as I was in college and high school before that, like I had not really changed much since puberty.

...Psh...those damn conformists. *Flips my black hair to the side while smoking a cigarette*...Tshh..We're unique, look at all those conformists in they're suits and what not...*Flips hair once again* Like...wheres my coffee? My soul is so dark...like my coffee. *Flips hair* My mind is like...totally suffocating. *Flips hair* WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, CONFORMIST!!