Misperceiving the seriousness of situations

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Following the subject matter of some conversations I've had with various people today, the penny has dropped for me just how much I have an unusually skewed perception of some situations. That is, the situations are serious to everyone else (including other Aspies), are perceived by me as normal or not so serious.

Some of these situations are as follows:

I work in a workplace where we've had 3 people suspended (possibly leading to the sack) in less than 6 years - in a team of around 15 people. This level of psychodrama in a workplace seems normal to me, indeed it's all I've ever known across different jobs. But it is not normal to others.

At church, there are kids there who say things to me. And they are hurtful, not nice things either. Although I'm certainly upset by it, it still seems a somewhat normal thing to me. To other people it is not normal, and was just amazing to a fellow Aspie when I told him today. They say I should tell someone, but my initial thought was "what's the point?" (besides, people are always going to side with the kids anyway).

A guy from our autism centre who causes chaos, upsetting many people, whom almost everyobody thinks is "bad news" and even "vermin". Not only do I think "vermin" is an unspeakably harsh term to apply to him, I just seem to be untroubled and unaffected by him. However, others are undoubtedly very affected and undoubtedly very troubled, in a way I can't seem to see. It just feels normal to me to be in contact with such a person. Maybe I'm leaving myself wide open to something by not perceiving him as serious business like everyone else does.

Confrontations with random people as I go about my business, walking in the street, shopping, on the bus etc., are quite common for me due to just how easy it is for me to make a social faux pas. Even though I try my damndest at all times to guard against such situations, they are still common - to the point of my personal safety being often in danger, that's how bad it is. So although people are offended, to the point of threatening violence, it's just another thing that seems normal and everyday for me but very abnormal to others - even if they have AS.

There is a lot more, and this is just a small selection, being just things that came up in conversation today. But examples like those I've mentioned show just how much my perception of situations has been badly warped by the amount of extreme (or at least abnormal) situations I've been in, and the amount of people with extreme views or strong opinions I seem to have been in contact with. Have I been in a sort of fog all my life, and have I been really really far behind in social understanding, because of this? I guess I probably have.

It could be that this is a reason why I have ended up traumatised over and over again in my life. So I guess it's all just a harsh lesson to stay away from extreme people or those with strong opinions - as impossible as this seems to have been for me to achieve.

I guess it's making me realise that the world is just not as extreme and cruel as I've been led to believe... even though the reality, unavoidably, is otherwise for someone like me.

Sounds perfectly normal, like your not much of a worrier. Might live longer due to less stress.

Very good point. A lot of people wouldn't be as resilient to those "negative events".

Ha, someone agrees?

For the most part I find myself someone less excitable than most people. Strangely enough my brother is even more relaxed. I remember I once slammed his hand in a car door (all the way). I opened it back up and he asked for some aspirin after he looked at it bleeding.

Which is a better response than screaming and crying.. as you sling blood around the sidewalk and cursing at me.

I'd suggest you are simply just, less excitable.

Keeno, I have often found myself in what NTs and even other Aspies might consider extremely adversarial situations for various reasons and I have always had what my psychologist refers to as a "parasympathetic" response.

When most humans would panic, I am as calm as a cucumber but then in routine situations i.e. selecting toothpaste at the market, I have to stave off meltdown and stim reactions until I get out of the public place.

Since I was diagnosed, I assumed this was an Apsie trait but maybe not. You and your brother seem to share this trait with me though. It seems like it would have been useful back during more primitive times when man literally had to fight for their very survival but now I find myself in situations quite often that frighten those I am with but seem perfectly okay to me.

I have found that normal entertainment like movies, etc. bore me to tears unless they are very violent or extreme in one way or another. Have you found this to be the case with yourself?

This kind of reminds me of a time when my oven started on fire and I put it out. Everyone that lived with me was wondering why I didn't scream, but all I could think of was why I would scream and waste time. I think if I put more concentration on emotion than action, then the problem doesn't get fixed as fast. Sometimes this can be a good thing, while other times it might be bad.

These sound similar to my experiences. In my case I think its due to a lack of emotional reaction to things, I just go through a logical problem solving process in response to things. NT hysterically screams fire, I calmly fetch the fire extinguisher, put out fire and then return to what I was doing before.

An NT said she thought I showed total disregard for what she called 'emotional risks', I still dont really understand what she was referring to and am totally unaware of any emotional risks she thought I should be considering. I get the impression many people think I dont adequately consider risks etc, and I think NTs and my opinion about seriousness differs significantly.

On the other hand, I get disproportionately upset if my routines/order are broken by others.

This sounds like me. Some kinda crisis going on and I'm just about the most useful person you could have around. But, in regular day to day life, It seems like I spend half my time on the verge of an panic attack.

Yeah I'm the same. I rarely panic or more accurately become overly emotional about a situation. Some situations will make some aspies very anxious and many NTs will become overly emotional. If you fit into neither category you'll be able to think and act very rationally and practically in some pretty extreme circumstances.

A great example was when my son after a tantrum thought it would be funny to storm upstairs and fake jumping out the window, my wife was in hysterics and I calmly walked upstairs, put my hand straight under the bed and yanked him out from his hiding place.

Jason

I can't relate, but I know what you mean.

This, I think, is what I'd put the greatest effort into fixing, at least at the moment. You need to work out how you can make it so that your personal safety is not perennially in danger.

I would say this is the case with myself for the most part. I have never very avidly got into movies or other forms of entertainment media, and I guess that might be because the intuitive social subtleties don't register with me as much. Soap operas would be another good example. It seems that only when there is especially heavy, confrontational psychodrama that they catch my attention.

I found this an excellent and useful post, ghostar, and I've learned something from it. I have learned something from all of the responses actually. Including the ones prior to yours - wow what a changed place WrongPlanet is, sarcasm and brashness seem to abound on WP so much more often - but they do make a point. However if I seem overly sensitive, how come I am LESS sensitive than everyone else to the chaotic guy I mentioned and why would I co-exist with him more happily than everyone else? I think your reply about parasympathetic responses better explains the reasons for that, and I'm intrigued to find out more about them. Seriously it is hard when someone is more prone to social faux pas even compared to other Aspies, and then has parasympathetic responses to what happened.



I already make all the effort I can to fix this, and ensure my personal safety isn't perennially in danger. For example with walking in the street, I maintain all the spatial awareness I possibly can. I have in actual fact probably minimised confrontations with people walking towards me in the street and getting in my way, because I've been careful with spatial awareness and distance keeping to a fault.

Then there are other situations there's little I can do about because some of the situations have been a bit more random, it's just that they seem to be rather frequent. Recent situations of this sort include being threatened and manhandled for being an immigrant; and being threatened when I got on a bus, which was sorted by my alerting the driver. Just this Saturday I ended up in a confrontation at a cash machine, because supposedly I had jumped the queue, so maybe there are cues I didn't pick up on. However the guy in front of me looked like he was obviously there along with a friend, and obviously not intending to use the machine, and it looked the same way to friends I was with. But being in that situation caused me to have a mindquake and be in a bad way all through Sunday. But my response to these things is always to internalise them and let myself recover over time, and not in fact screaming, yelling, slinging blood around the sidewalk and cursing at people. That you thought such a thing, Nim, I just can't believe it.