How Would You Describe Your Social Separateness?

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When I'm with other people, it feels as though there's a glass pane between me and them, or sometimes even as though I'm in a separate room from them or looking at them through a telescope (in a way I can sense, not in a truly visual way - nothing to do with my physical ability to see). Sometimes this sense is stronger than at other times, and sometimes I notice it more than at other times.

Also, sometimes listening to others make conversation is like having the tuning of a radio station go in and out in that my ability to understand what's going on sort of comes and goes. Again, nothing wrong with my ears, as far as any testing has revealed. I think sometimes this has to do with focus, sometimes with processing input, and sometimes with making sense of the information once it gets processed.

These things also relate to my ability to deal with people's facial expressions and body language.

Also, when I try to talk, sometimes it's like knocking on a door and having nobody answer; having them answer but then close the door again before I can finish saying why I've come; or having them think I'm handing out junk leaflets, even though I've just explained I'm there to deal with something more significant (too tired right now to think of a metaphor for the part about what I actually intend in that case). Occasionally, I've had the disconcerting feeling that somebody wants me to be their "repair person" (ick!) when all I'm doing is meeting a new neighbor. Sometimes I feel as though I'm being treated like I'm trying to sell something or hand out religious tracts at a house where the owner has a vicious dog or a gun, when all I'm doing is having a question or an opinion, asking for help with something, or trying to explain that something has gone wrong and needs to be attended to (sorry, couldn't think of a metaphor for the "all I'm doing" part of that one, either).

I'm wondering how others here at WP would describe their feeling of being in a social environment.

A chance to enjoy my special interests and my own company.

I find it very difficult to make small talk so this limits my conversational outlets.I rarely join in group discussion at work for that reason.I definitely feel that there is a barrier blocking my participation.I can function well in 1 to 1 conversations but even then I hate small talk.

I feel like I can rarely/never "connect" with people. So, I can like, talk to random folks in the street well enough, don't really have social anxiety in that I won't feel anxious at a carnival or something, but when it comes to a group of "friends" my own age, that's where I feel there's a chasm of sorts preventing connection.

I think also, too, my social problems could come from my interests being so non-mainstream, and in conversation, etc, generally it seems to be some sort of exchange of interests, and then they ask for mine, and it's like, just weird. It's not so much that my interests are really "weird" interests, just I don't fit the stereotype people have of any of those interests. Like my major interests would be, figure skating, weight lifting, Japanese music, anime, and cars/auto racing. I dress in preppy clothes. I don't look like a nerd, but my media is nerdy, I don't fit in with nerds, as my other interests I devote much of my time to are non-nerdy, or "cool jock" kinda things. But at the same time, with the cool beautiful people who party rock in the house all night, when they ask me about what I do not in the gym or something to that effect, it's like "oh I watch anime" or they hear music I play in my car or something and are put off. In that regard, with my interests, it's too hard to pretend to be normal, but I've learned to put on the normal people clothes, biggest compromise I've made in my life so far. Simplistic way to describe it, but yeah. So because of the weird sort of combination of stuff I like, I can't really relate or fit in with any "crowd" of people.

It's hard to really answer this question, as I've got nothing else to really compare it to for a baseline. But the biggest thing is lack of "connection" between most people my age.

I can actually kinda relate to that.........I mean seriously its like I'll start to talk and people will actually get irritated when I keep talking if they start talking before I was done thinking I interrupted them when actually I hadn't finished what i was saying and they interpreted. Or maybe my family just sucks at having conversations because everyone does that to each other. but I feel like I hardly get to say anything while everyone else somehow contributes to the conversation and when I do say something everyone's quick to be on to the next thing before I'm finished.

So usually I just give up and shut up until someone directs a comment at me because it's just too hard with four people for instance trying to talk because I process slower for one so I can hardly keep up. Also I get the feeling seperated, I've always felt like I kinda have a wall between me and everyone else.

Looking through cross hairs on a sniper gun on top of a tall city building.

The telescope thing led me to that visual.

What you said is all true for me. It's like I don't feel close to people like someone should to their own species. I'm far more closer to dogs or cats, especially my cat. Of course they can't respond and tell me the things I say are ridiculous but I just feel safer with them.

And when I talk it's like I'm from a call centre and they either immediately hang up on me or verbally abuse me before slamming down the receiver.

I am a hermit, by choice, and by Aspy circumstance. I have never bonded or connected to anyone, including family. I have heard and read it described, and I see people act like they have a bond to someone, but I have no idea what that would feel like. I have felt somewhat close to the family dogs that we had over the years, but still not fully connected. I feel like everyone is a totally walled off entity to me, and that I am also walled off to them. I can't understand the talk of bonding or being close, when I am unable to feel that way myself. I do have some empathy with others, because I can imagine myself in similar circumstances to whatever they are going through, but that doesn't translate into a real feeling of being connected to them. I also feel sympathy when they are having problems, for the same reason. After all, I have had problems too, and don't wish that on others. The only times I really feel any connectedness to others is when they are going through strong negative emotions--fear, grief, anger, frustration, etc. This is hard for me to deal with, even when not directed at me, as it overloads my "processing" abilities, making me very uncomfortable, and I either respond with anger or frustration of my own (when theirs was directed at me), or withdraw mentally, and sometimes physically.

NTs don't understand us about this and about other spectrum symptoms. There is no real way to convey it to them. Our differences make both them and us frustrated, and at times angry, too.

We are out of phase socially with the rest of the world. Many of us are also out of temporal phase with the rest of the world due to "processing" problems. The rest of the world is on a faster track. Our processing issues slow some of us down, including myself. Our processing problems interfere with our being part of the rest of the world.

I find being a hermit--living alone--is better for me than living with others. My life is relatively peaceful now that I live alone, and far less stressful. I never want to live with others again!

The name "Wrong Planet" really fits at least some of us on the spectrum. At least here at WP I feel somewhat at home and among friends who do understand what it's like on the spectrum.

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I often feel I'm on the verge of being sussed out. Eventually I'll say or do something which will change the dynamics of the interaction. I was at a party on Saturday and was waiting outside the toilet, for my friend. Although I didn't actually speak to anyone, I somehow felt like I wasn't the same as the other ladies. It was a fancy dress thing, so everyone was dressed differently and way-out, to an extreme. I looked just as pretty and feminine as anyone else (I'd made a huge effort), but there was still some sort of barrier and me feeling like a fake lady or even a fake human. But, honestly I don't mind. It was the only time that night that I felt like that and, when I was dancing, I couldn't care less. Maybe, others see me as mysterious and intriguing (I hope so anyway).

I find it difficult to ask the other person questions and act interested, even though I am interested.

I don't know much about anything, so I can't offer any helpful suggestions when people talk about their problems.

I have difficulty speaking up in groups due to Social Phobia.

I act silly sometimes and do strange things like point to the other person and laugh. I know it's just a gesture of mine, but other people just think I'm acting silly.

Sometimes people in the street look at me as though I shouldn't be there. They give me this boastful look as if to say ''oh we're all normal and you're just plain wierd, so piss off!'' But that is just irrational thinking - which is why I feel this way when out in public.


Otherwise, I'm pretty good. I can relate to people, and I do like to sit and chat.

For me, conversation is a real challenge, because my mind works so slowly when it comes to social issues. I never know what to say, and conversations seem to change so quickly. This is odd, because I am very intelligent, and I think very quickly about things. It just takes me a long time for me to switch to a new topic.

I feel like I'm alone in a room, trying to talk to a TV set. By the time that I have a response, it's too late. I can't find a pause in the dialog to speak. Normal people in groups speak so quickly, like there is a signal that tells them whose turn it is to speak.

I simply don't connect with other people. I care about them deeply, but I don't mimic them. I don't "catch" emotions in a crowded room; I don't cheer when I'm in a cheering crowd, or cry at a funeral. People in large groups are mysterious and alien and even a little frightening.

Individual people, though, carefully studied, are fascinating. They are so individual, and at the same time there are so many common themes. They are complex and at the same time they are examples of the simple truths of what it means to be human. Because I don't see the large structure of society, I don't really treat people differently. I speak to children in the same way as adults; I have casual conversations with the janitor cleaning the toilets and the guy sitting next to me in class and the chair of the department, and treat them pretty much the same. I don't see that as a problem because, ideologically, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Though for me it comes from not being able to instinctively use social boundaries to determine my behavior, it's also something I believe in--the idea that all humans are equally valuable. I think my autism gives me an advantage in that way. I study sociology and psychology and anthropology to understand people, and then I watch them and try to see the patterns. As time goes on I'm getting better at it.

I'm actually working on a poem about *THIS* feeling.
Either as a window that I'm looking in, or an entire labyrinth made out of glass. I can see & hear people but there are walls between me and them. ALWAYS.

Sincerely,
Matthew