Things changing once you tell people about your condition?

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While I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, I do show a lot of the spectrum traits. One of those, is my inability to stand being touched or any physical contact, unless it's on my own terms which is rare.

My whole life, people have used this against me in order to poke fun at me. Friends of mine would poke me to watch me flinch away. My family would laugh and make jokes about how I don't hug anyone. While they said it was all in good fun, I wish they would stop poking me. Even though I repeatedly asked them too, they never would.

Yesterday, I told one friend in particular that I suspect I might have Asperger's and that I was planning on getting tested when I had the money. He didn't know what it really was so I explained, even mentioning the touching part. Much to my pleasure, he hasn't poked me since. He seems more aware of giving me my personal space than he was before which makes me rather happy.

I told a coworker of mine the same thing today after we were greeted by someone who wanted to shake hands and she questioned my acting strangely. She was actually kind enough to offer me some help. She said I should just tell people who want a hand shake or a hug that I'm sick and then they won't want to anymore. I actually feel a little stupid that I haven't thought of that. I think it was nice of her to help me out since we don't really talk outside of work.

For people who were actually diagnosed, did telling your friends and family about your diagnosis make them more understanding about your quirks? How about people who aren't diagnosed yet? I'm curious about other people's experiences.

The majority of people don't have enough of an understanding of what Asperger's syndrome is so I think it would be a waste of time trying to explain. It's unfortunate, but the majority of people just label me as ''weird'' .

This. I'm being tested soon so I'm not diagnosed yet but I don't think people think asperger's syndrome when they see me, they just see someone who is "a little off."

It took a long time getting any acceptance from anyone. It was like 'yeah we know you have this thing but can you please not have it while around us?' People thought I could either control or I was using it as an excuse. With my friend it wasn't like that but the family took some convincing. I don't even want to tell people any more.

I just explain traits, for example I explained why I was wearing sunglasses to the person I studied with in the library that I have light sensitivities, to people who ask about my repetitive food choices I say I am a very fussy eater, when I think I am at risk of missing important indirect or nonverbal communication I tell people Im not good at noticing and they will need to be direct. This seems to work ok, though there are always the people who are in the

category.

I think for me, the people who are in the "can you please not have this/be weird" category for me are my own family, which is why I haven't branched out and told them just yet. I would rather wait until I have a diagnosis in my hand, that way they cannot deny it.

The people I consider to be acquaintances or friends have always been a little more understanding. I think it's because some of them have their quirks too. I can't deny that I was fortunate to find people that are accepting of me just the way I am, even when I thought I was just "strange."

I'm afraid to anyone I'm diagnosed because I'm afraid it will change things because people would have LESS understanding.

There used to be some nasty f*****s at school who always screamed ''bang'' in my ear and then laugh at me jump, because they knew I didn't like loud sudden noises. Then one day one of them said ''bang'' quietly as they went by but sniggering, and I turned round and said, ''I'm sure that scared the hell out of me'' in a sarcastic way, and they stopped after that.

But I don't like to tell people I am on the Autism spectrum. But most people don't think I'm weird, they just think I'm intellectually slow. To be honest, I would rather be called ''intellectually slow'' than be called ''weird'', because I know lots of intellectually slow people who get more socially accepted than Aspies do. I am not very clever anyway, so I could just pass off as being a bit slow.

But I also feel ashamed of having AS. It's too much of an awkward condition to have, and affects all areas in life in some way, and it makes me feel alone especially that I've been brought up in an NT family and so everybody in my whole family are all NTs except me. So when I hear all my family talking about pubs and nightlife, I feel constantly excluded. I know one of two of my friends (who are also socially awkward) don't go out clubbing, but I'm scared that one day they're going to say they have been out, and so I will definately be the only one, at least out of everybody I know. There are people out there who don't, but clubbing in your 20s and late teens is so common that the people who don't or didn't are very few and far between, and so are hard to come across. My mum says that not everybody likes it but do it because they want to be the same as their friends, and that's how I feel too, but social environments affect me more and so I don't seem to have a choice but to avoid going out. But I wish I wasn't born to be like this. And I feel so very ashamed so it makes it hard to tell my friends, even though my mum says it will make my life much easier, and she is 100 percent right (it's a long story to why I agree with her). But I still find it hard to admit to people about something I'm ashamed of having. I hate being 5 foot 6, I wish I were a little smaller, so I try to say to people, ''I'm not that tall, I'm only 5 foot 6.'' Luckily 5 foot 6 isn't tall enough to stand out, so I can lie a little about it, just like my AS doesn't stand out too much so I can lie about that too.

You don't half have allot of fears Joe90 Nothing wrong with your height. You must be surrounded by some nut jobs.

Why are you going to be scared that they will say, they have been out? Say atleast when I am 30 I won't look like I am 50 with a shot liver that I abused in my younger age & bad hearing. ( say that in your head by the way, not at them ).

Wish I lived closer to essex. Slap on our fake tans & go out orange. Going out essex style. You can laugh in the corner & say I am not with that nut job. As I dance like a monkey.

That put a smile on your face? can you picture it? If you keep thinking clubbing your going to pull yourself down. Or let them drag you out & have your ears blasted. Just list things that you would like to do, not involving clubbing. They you will find the people who don't club & finally will not get people peer pressuring you.

Only thing that flashes in my eyes with saying As is what's been on the news.

edit:- "Rather be seen as a quiet shy guy", which most people think I am that's why people talk to me about thing's they would not normally tell people.

I have had people talk to me as if I were a child or ret*d. They also like to tell me about all the ret*d people they know or that in their family have downsyndrome. But when people just thought I had ADHD a girl ask me if her sister could get in trouble for going out with me since I was "ret*d". She thought ADHD ment ret*d I could only imagine what they would think austistic ment! She said that in front of her sister and after that was said she stopped hanging out with me. I sat next to her in social studies. If I was ret*d I would not have had a better grade in that class compared to her. I had friends tell me she really wanted to go out with me but her sister talked her out of it.

Last edited by Todesking on 07 Mar 2012, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The biggest changes for me have been.
1. People explicitly include me in discussions to do with the autistic spectrum.
2. People try to keep a list of my triggers, so that they can warn me if they notice I start overloading.

People's reactions to me having told them have overall been positive. I've just also needed to deal with some of the "are you really autistic, or just have Asperger's?" stuff.

I guess so. Things change a little once you tell about it, I've already told my friends and my immediate family. My parents are a bit more accepting my weirdness, though I had to assure them, especially my father to continue having faith in me. The reactions of my friends vary from each other, ranging from trying to give me a guilt trip for having myself diagnosed to absolutely accepting, one was not even surprised.

However, I wouldn't want to tell it to other members of the family, I think they might misunderstood it, go into denial, partly because some of them have pronounced ASD traits themselves without realizing it. I don't want complications, it was enough for me to get over the shock and trauma, and I don't want to ridicule myself or cause suffering to clueless people inadvertently. Perhaps, as bits of information leak out slowly the cracks, I'll be more open about it.

To date I don't see the reason why should I tell it at my workplace to anyone. Now they see me as a weird person, then they'd see me as a broken, disabled one, to whom responsibility can't be assigned to in any way. Hmm. If someone would ask me outright if I was autistic, I wouldn't deny it. Once someone asked me if I have a mental illness, so I could just answer no, I haven't, since ASD is a developmental disorder...

Same for me except I dont plan on getting official dx.