Is it worth it for me to pursue a diagnosis? (in Australia)

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Sorry, this will be a long post - I have a lot going on with my life and health... I'll keep it as short as I can but think its all relevant.

I am in my 30's now. All my life I have struggled with being social. Ever since I was a young child the best way I could think of to describe my relationship with other people is that I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I feel like other people see me as wrong and that I'm not welcome. Even in my own family it has been difficult - rather than on the outside looking in, I guess I feel more like I'm just outside the circle. That said, as I've been researching aspergers for myself I have noticed many traits in my father and brother that also seem to fit... and I would guess that my brother also feels on the outside - he has trouble with eye contact, is withdrawn, doesn't talk unless spoken to etc.

I have always had to try to learn from my mistakes and make rules about how to have conversations with people. I usually fall well short though as others don't stick to my rules and I often end up not knowing what to say next. I've always had trouble making friends - primary school was a very lonely time. In my adult life its been hard too - the last time I made a new friend was when I met my partner about 10 years ago. I also have one friend left from high school. I have often joined clubs and activities thinking I just needed to be around people to make friends but always found that I couldn't make the connection when I was there.

After high school I went to uni - got good marks etc but other students seemed distant for the most part and teachers seemed to not understand me. I started working part time in customer service roles and had a LOT of stress attached to work - it was exhausting and soul-crushing for me to deal with customers. After uni I worked in a LOT of different jobs - things like filing and data entry were not stressful but got boring after a time, more challenging jobs always had more contact with people so were hard. In work places people have often commented that I'm "soooo quiet" and always underestimated my age by about 10 years. I started realising that the "shyness and awkwardness" from childhood was not going to be forgiven so much in adulthood - and it frequently hasn't been. I finally ended up in a pretty good job managing contracts - I had contact with a small group of people in my office and a small group of contract holders - because I could become familiar with people it seemed manageable. At some point a lot of changes started taking place to staffing and structure, heaps of office politics started happening that I was aware of but couldn't really understand and my workload became insurmountable. I became so stressed for so long and ended up with chronic muscle pain and horrible headaches that just wouldn't go away. After a year or so painkillers stopped working and I was so stressed I couldn't sleep at all or function in any way so I had to leave my job.

That was about 5 years ago - in the mean time I've tried and failed at starting my own business. I've sought medical help for my muscle pain and headaches to no avail so far. I've also had problems with bone density and am now waiting to see an endocrinologist. Next up is the chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia specialist if I can afford it. A rheumatologist has also been mentioned and I'm wondering because of a group of problems if a neurologist might be helpful. But overall - I can't really afford to see all these specialists and even having a diagnosis like chronic fatigue won't get me any relief as there's no cure. And, I just keep coming back to the fact that I'm SURE that all this started with stress but doctors don't believe me that stress can have such a profound effect. Because I know a lot of my stress is related to not understanding this world and not being able to really communicate or fit in I really wonder if getting checked for aspergers would actually be the better next step. I wonder if getting help with my social skills could ease my stress which might ease all my other conditions. If I got diagnosed I could get specific help, on the other hand if it was ruled out then I wouldn't waste time and money getting the wrong type of help.

I'm currently studying at uni again part time. I've set myself a goal to get a degree in an industry that has a skills shortage as this will, I hope, mean that despite my personality shortfalls I can still get a good job. I've chosen a field that requires attention to detail (because I can't help but obsess over details) and I'm finding it interesting too. Overall though study is really hard for me right now - I'm constantly dealing with pain and fatigue and as I was never good at managing my time its really hard to meet my deadlines. I want to work too but just don't have the capacity unless I drop out of my course. My partner is supporting me but he doesn't make enough money to cover our living expenses AND my medical costs. He is looking for a second job. I went to see the equity officer at uni - she basically said that my partner's income is too high to get austudy but said I could possibly get a small disability pension if I actually had my physical condition diagnosed. She then went on to say I'd have a better chance if I had a mental illness as well as they add up points.

So, I don't know what to do. My partner is doing everything he can to help us stay afloat financially I feel I should too. I just don't know if spending money on specialists (both for physical and mental problems) is a good investment of our remaining savings because I'm really not sure if it can help me get some income on welfare. Also, at uni I'm having problems (maybe more so now than ever before because pain makes it so hard to think) where I feel like teachers always seem angry at me and I feel like other students despise me. It's really upsetting. But how much could diagnosis and therapy help me in this anyway?

Has anyone been there done that with similar circumstances?

sounds like an asperger's diagnosis may be useful to you. i would hate to see you have to drop out of uni.

I think you need to postpone finishing at the university until you take care of your medical problems. While doing that, also go for a diagnosis for Asperger's Syndrome. Once you have all of your medical diagnoses in hand, then you can apply for assistance, and get some help for your health problems. Once you are feeling better, you will be able to function better when you resume your education, and later on at work.

I had trouble holding jobs all of my life because of my then undiagnosed Asperger's, and my other health problems. It is hard to hold a job when your sleep apnea makes it hard to get into work in the morning, and has you nodding off to work. My IBS made me spend too much time in the bathroom before and during work, also. Add my Aspie socialisation problems, and I had a hard time getting and keeping jobs. My other health problems eventually got too bad for me to keep working, and I finally managed to qualify for benefits. I would rather work, but with my problems that's not possible. I have enough trouble just taking care of myself, without adding a job to the mix.

Now, go get some help for your own medical problems!

Thank you both for your thoughts. I really don't want to drop out of uni or postpone if I can help it. I've been looking into the costs of a diagnosis and just really feel its out of reach for now. I'm not sure where to go from here... I'm very conscious of my stress and do need to do something about it. Guess I'll keep looking for a solution...

Does your university have a counselling service? If so, go there. They will help support you and having a third opinion can often help. If they also believe you have it, they may be able to vouch for you possibly having Aspergers. This can, in conjunction with your medical issues, help you get accommodations through your University's disability liaison unit (DLU), or similar. In fact I was covered by the DLU for months while I was waiting for the diagnosis thanks to my counselor.

If money for a diagnosis is the main issue, the University may also have financial aid in the form of grants and/or loans. At mine, we can get grants once a year, a short term loan of up to $700 due back within 6 months and a long term loan of $4000 due back before graduation.

Personally, getting my diagnosis was one of the best things I ever did. Study-wise it's given me access to study accommodations, more study options and a reason to go up to lecturers and ask for help when I need it. It's also given me access to more housing options, a reason for my family to lay off and helped to get me know myself much better.

Thanks for this - I had been thinking about seeing a counsellor but didn't think they'd be qualified to help with aspergers. I haven't actually seen getting accommodations at uni as a high priority. You see, this is my 2nd time at uni - the first time I graduated top of my class and studied honours so I kinda feel like I must navigate through the system okay. But, at that time I wasn't also dealing with the pain, fatigue and headaches... So, I'm not really sure if its fair for me to ask for concessions when there's probably students struggling more with the structure of the course and assessments than I am... but then again, a few concessions might bring the stress down to manageable. I guess I just don't want to ask for help if I can work things out on my own - jury's still out I guess if stress and emotions are getting the better of me.

So, I'll think about doing the counsellor thing... My uni does do loans too but they have to be paid back in 6 months and I don't see a way that would happen as we don't have any way to make up the shortfall unless my partner is successful with getting a 2nd job. After my visit to the equity officer I just feel like the uni doesn't see someone like me as a high priority to help - I know they frequently deal with students that haven't had a decent meal in days and that sort of thing so they have more immediate needs.