Need emergency advice with brilliant aspie inventor spouse.

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Guys, I do not post very often, but I need you help once again.

I have posted several times over the last couple years regarding periodic problems I have had with my very aspie husband. Understand that I am aspie myself, but though many years of practice, I have the NT functioning thing down very well. I do not have meltdowns any more.


My spouse is a brilliant workaholic, and when he works too hard, he becomes psychotic, abusive, and makes many mistakes with his work. We are in business together, and I have built the business to new heights, capitalizing off the technologies he developed.

When he is tired, he b*****s nonstop and cannot be rationed with by anyone. When he is well, he is the most ethical, loving person a woman could want.

Last November, it got really bad he threatened suicide, was threatening to sue everyone, threatened to crash to business, threatned to leave me, and started breaking stuff---this went on for about a week. I swore that if he did this again, that I would have to have him hospitalized.


Well, a month ago, he stopped bathing, didnt change his clothes, became paranoid and threatened to sue again, became abusive to the cat (which he adored literally the day before), took scissors and almost cut up his green card, threatened suicide, disappeared until 3am, and came in the next day looking like a hobo. This went on for 5 days.

He startted throwing furniture around and a chair hit me in the arm, causing a bruise. He wrote a psycho letter to my brother, and my brother calls me panicked.

Long story short, I had to have him committed. He was completely incoherent at the intake. This was supposed to be for 3-7 days.

He was so sick that they wanted to keep him for 1-3 month, but my brother got him out with legal help.

So now, about 3 weeks ago, I have a psychotic, furious man on my hands, who denies everything, despite the trail of damage left behind. I could not have him compulsively working around sharp equipment, so he agreed to stay at a motel.

We had a family meeting, and he is making threats to my dad, insulting me, and is yelling so loud that my brother had to take him out of the restaurant.

I would be getting a temporary place, with the cat, and after some rest, he could come back home, where all of the equipment is and start small work projects again. He refused accessed to my truck, saying I would plant cocaine and call the cops on him. I have never even seen coke, except on TV. This went on and on.

Well, he started driving by the house at least 15 times a day. He followed me when I took a walk to the store, and he followed me in my car. I had to leave the house and go to a secret location for 5 days. Again, he denied everything. He flat out called me a liar.

I was forced into getting an apartment on the other side of town in a gated community so that I would not be followed.

My father, who loves him dearly, came over with me. He wanted us there. He was not cooking for himself, and just eating junk food. After having a nice lunch, his mood shifts violently, and he screams that he will move to georgia, florida, NY, and out of the country within 2 minutes. My father tries to calm him down. He pickuped up a hammer, and starts smashing random nails with it as he is screaming. My father told me to get out of there immediately, because it wasnt safe.

Again, even with witnesses, he is denying everything.


So my brother, who has been an unbiased mediator (my family does not want us to break up---they know a terrible medical issue is at hand), told him that if he wanted to move, then he should move. He worked out dates of departure and details---this was agreed to by his family, him, and my family My brother then put all these details in writing and requested approval.

I approved immediately, but my husband, never go back with my brother, despite repeated phone calls. He had no intention of leaving.

He was perscribed risperidol, which he refuses to take.

I am getting to where I an unsure I can handle this. Living by myself, I have to say I really like the peace of not having psychotic person to deal with, though I miss the old him terribly.

Please share your advise. I really need it.

I think it was a mistake to get him out of treatment, this all sounds pretty serious.

Jason

Well, it wasn't my idea exactly. My brother, who is an attorney, did this without my knowledge.

Did you get a formal diagnosis from the last time your husband was hospitalized?

He sounds paranoid schizophrenic to me and when the business stress builds up too much he has a break down.

I read your post very quickly. So my quick assessment is, it sounds like you want him up and running fast so you can get back to business. And of course, you want your old, reliable, non psychotic husband back. You may have to put that wish on hold and do what is best for him.

Which sounds like he needs a much longer rehabilitation and you need a professional assessment of his condition. You cannot make these decisions on your own.

I have no experience with such a situation. It sounds very serious and life threatening to him and possibly to you. But he does not sound at all ready to return to work, in fact it sounds like he should still be in hospital getting treatment.

I do not know what the laws are where you live. It is a very controversial subject in the United States right now. In the 1980s thousands of people were turfed out of state mental institutions, and in the oh 1990s it became politically incorrect to force someone who is mentally ill, to be hospitalized. Witness all the tragedies that followed that idea, mass murders, mayhem etc. I am getting off point here but,

He does not sound like he is ready to return to work or his married life.

You have my sympathy. A very rough situation for all. Good luck and one step at a time, I say he needs to go back to hospital until he is truly stable.

It seems to have been very irresponsible of your brother to have got him out of hospital in this state. Can your brother not now have the decision to discharge reversed?

From what I understand, they diagnosed him as simply "psychotic", without any schizophrenia.

He lives to work. Like many aspies, he has to be doing something with his hands, or some goal directed activity all of the time. My brother was scared that simply keeping him locked up would destroy him, because he gets peace for working (not too much). Again, we were trying to allow self comfort activities---can have this in lock up. He had refused insurance a while back (we could actually afford it), so this was at a very low quality state facility, where no rehab takes place, only meds and lock ups.


This is a guy similar to steve wozniak, a gem of a man, and we were trying to give him every opportunity, with all family support, for him to recover in peace.

He was able to keep it together when talking to his family 1000 miles away for 5 minutes at a time, so they thought for a while that were were all liars. Now, as time progresses, they are seeing reality and they do not want him living with them, because of small children in the house.

If needed, I can run the business by myself.

Hey I am 60 years old and am an aspie and have dealt with it since the second grade. I am going to use a word that paints a picture but the picture has nothing to do with beliefs, religion or etc. Since we see things in pictures and according to how deep the pictures become part of us, this is in my life anyway this can happen. We become “possessed” What that word or picture is to me is that we or deep thinkers and can see and let things deeper into ourselves then NTs. If something has occurred that was more then he can reason with or incapable of solving it becomes a point that cannot be overcome and all else is now effected or managed around that single picture and everything else gets blurred and you simply start losing control of everything until you break down or until something clicks in your picture and you think O!. If that happens all is well and you go back to your normal self and most of the horrible time you were there sort of leaves. So that’s why I call it “possessed and unpossessed” . If this is the case there is nothing that can be done until that destructive picture or thought comes to its end or broken. This is just my thoughts. To me sometimes being on a drug can cause it to never leave and on the other hand can cause it to vanish or simply get one under control. I am not a religious person I am an aspie and a thinker. If you could find what event has started it then maybe it could be dealt with. Just my thoughts

Yes, my brother (an attorney) is an idiot. But the thought is, if a person like this does not have hope and is just locked up for months, this will destroy them.

I am just about ready to bolt. Again, I am an aspie, I can only take so much stress---and I have been the adult in the room all of this time. I have never been a liability like this to anyone.

Yes, this is in the pattern of the "possessed", "unpossessed"---when this has happened before, he has snapped back with a few days rest. Not this time. It has been a month.

I understand that this is not literal demons, but some shift in brain processing.

The problem is that he never "publicly" assumes responsibility for the destruction he has caused. He blames it on everyone but himself, forever in this self pity mode.

Understand, the man has a life that most men would envy. Money in the bank, meaningful work, he can sleep till noon and work in his PJs, he gets coffee in bed (by me), love and kisses, and a huge amount of support from my family.


This credit card of karma is about to be maxed out.

marycontrary,

Is it possible that your husband denies his extreme behavior and outburst because he does not remember them? Some sort of dissociative response to stress maybe?

Yes, this is a possibility. Because he very much identifies himself as a nonviolent, stable, honorable man. Which he was.

Oh, marycontrary, seems you have more than plenty to deal with. To state the obvious, your husband has issues far away and beyond AS. The issues you've described are really serious. At least they've been addressed, sort-of, and are being dealt with, sort-of. Curious that you regard him so highly, given the torment you've been through with this man. You actually wrote that he has a life "most men would envy." Really?

Anyway, I don't know why you need advice on dealing with him - you've done plenty enough already. In fact, isn't this downright exhausting? Instead, maybe just care for yourself - really sorry about what all you've been through. Really cannot imagine. I guess you're alright with being with him, but maybe you can do better for yourself. You're not really obligated to take care of an adult man that's so violently unpredictable and hostile. Given his pattern, what might the future hold for you both? Please know that most Aspies are not like this, I promise. Advice? Well, I don't know (I don't give advice really)....maybe a nice long holiday for you far away, yes? Don't you think you deserve a more stable and sane lifestyle? Take care, marycontrary. And your safety first.


Edit: I actually stopped and re-read your posts. Really do hope you're alright, marycontrary. You know, you can always psycho-analyse another person to infinity, which solves nothing at all. Instead, a dose of Aspie practicality. My "advice?" Well, in all sincerity, and not to be cheeky, really, but sometimes it's better to just move on. You could do better by yourself.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298nld4Yfds[/youtube]

In that case, I bet the underfunded state institution just didn't diagnose him properly. The picture you paint is very much Jekyl and Hyde-like.

I would recommend getting him to a better doctor if he is willing. The protractness of his current episode could indicate that his dissociative tendency is getting a bit worse.

zooguy, this starts when he becomes too tired. The thing is, when I ask him to slow down---take some time off---he vehemently refuses. If he would listen to feedback, this would ever happen. But he doesn't, and I think he will destroy himself.

~ Singing to above catchy tune ~ Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan.....No need to discuss much.

< My post a few rectangles up >

Labpet

He does (or did) have a life that was enviable. I would venture to guess most of the good people on this board would have traded the quality of life he HAD. Security, love, and the ability to tinker.

I am exhausted. I have stuck by him and have not abandoned him. My family is exhausted.