Removing Self-Doubt and Self-Dislike

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Most of the time I am happy with who I am. I'm proud of the skills my autism has given me, and of the fact that I can claim to be unique. Sometimes however, something will happen that disrupts that self-confidence, and for a few hours or days, I'll wish I weren't autistic, that I could be normal, or that a cure were available to make my autism-related difficulties go away.

Case in point, yesterday at work I got upset and flustered because my car ran out of gas, which has never happened to me before, and I had to go through a roundabout process to get the problem fixed. After I sorted things out, I was feeling wound up and frustrated. I was angry with myself for having such poor executive functioning skills as to let the problem happen in the first place, and was irritated and overstimulated by the walk I'd had to make back and forth four times down a busy highway intersection in the cold to get to the gas station, get the fuel back to my car, back to the gas station to return the gas can and get my license back (which they had taken as collateral to ensure I returned the can) and back to my car again to finally drive it to the station and finish filling it up.

By the time it was all over, I was one nudge away from a complete meltdown. I was pacing in the basement kitchen area that's right next to my and my co-worker's office, trying to apply my own deep pressure hug to my chest, when said co-worker came down the stairs while my back was turned and said hello. I freaked out and collapsed with an agonized scream to the floor, hunched all the way over with my hands over my ears. After maybe thirty seconds or a minute, I was able to move again, and I bolted straight for our office and crawled under my desk.

My co-worker was so painfully nice about it. She's twice my age and the self-declared "office mom" to me and my other colleague, who's 27. She very calmly returned to her own desk and said, "When you're able to talk again, let me know what I can do to help, okay?" I of course couldn't answer, and stayed under my desk for another 5-10 minutes, before finally coming out and getting my co-worker to provide deep pressure for me, which she has done in the past.

Ever since the incident, I've had a heavy knot of shame and disappointment in my stomach, the way I feel whenever I have a meltdown and hurt myself. Episodes like this make me feel worthless, like I don't belong at my job because I do unprofessional things like throw myself to the floor and hide under my desk. They make me wonder if I'll ever really be able to amount to anything meaningful, and I just end up feeling sad, frustrated and empty for hours or days.

Do any of you ever feel this way about your autism? What do you do to make the feeling go away? I don't like finding myself googling the term, "I wish I didn't have autism".