Its official, I am an old Aspie
Finally, official confirmation after years of trying to figure out what is wrong with me starting when i was in college looking for answers ot problems since childhoood, but that was in early 70s and i found no answers then except i didnt quite fit autism as defined then. School district could tell i had problems but couldnt identify specifics. Finally a sister suggested it and with present information online it looked to be my issue. Finally on wednsday a psych dr of my HMO said yes that is his diagnosis so now to find out how to deal with my issues with being aspie too. Imagine every frustration of being aspie and it is good possibility i may have experienced since some of those posting have similar numbers. it negtively impacted my marraige, my school, work, living, relationshoips, everything. And at my age as aspie, i feel very alone.
_________________
The Truth is out there, it just may not be what you expect or want. Fun is reactions
I appreciate your honesty and frankness. I'm 31 and recently (self) diagnosed. It's a lot to take in, but it's also a relief to be able to put a name to what I've felt all my life.
Depression didn't quite cover it; neither did anxiety disorder. And while there were/are definite obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I obviously didn't have OCD. I didn't know what the f*** was wrong with me and was basically convinced that I had some sort of innate moral failure--that I was a bad person. That I'd never be "normal" or "all right." Well, I'm not a bad person. I have a brain that makes it difficult for me to socialize and to be emotionally intimate with others, that makes it easy for me to get carried away with things, including activities, thoughts, speech and emotions. Properly armed with this new understanding of myself, I can now work to translate my ambition to improve my life and outlook in a systematic, guided manner.
Thanks to sites like this and the people who make them work, I'm hoping that I can learn to employ practical tactics to address my every-day problems, obstacles, and anxieties. I just have to believe that the only way to go from here is "up." I've about had enough with always thinking that "it can only get worse from here." I no longer believe that to be true. There are people out there who can help and listen, and you (in my occasionally-humble opinion) are well on your way, thanks to your ongoing willingness to reach out to others. I take that as a sign of character.
I don't know if this is of any help, but I believe that there's hope for you. I have to, as I believe that there's hope for me. My own experience tells me that I am my own worst enemy, that my negativity and cynicism only serve to limit my opportunities and happiness. I know now that I will never be "normal," but I can and will strive to be "all right."
Regards and best wishes.
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,871
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
I am in my early 50s and self diagnosed. I first heard about Autism I think in the 70s, but didn't see myself in that, just thought it was an interesting and difficult thing to have, and for parents to deal with. I first learned about Asperger's Syndrome when I was in my mid 40s, about 8-10 years ago, and immediately saw myself in the very first article I read. I occasionally came across other articles, and each time saw myself in them. I finally started doing online research and took an online test, which confirmed what I already believed--that I have Asperger's. Not long after that my sister who I had not discussed this with told me about this thing she had heard about--Asperger's--and that she thought I had it. At that point I told her that I had already found out about it, took the online test, and do indeed have Asperger's. I did try telling my father once, but it upset him, and he didn't want to hear any more, so I don't bother him with it.
Although there is no cure for this difficult disorder, it was a great relief to finally know why I am so different from the norm. Even before finding out about this, I had developed coping methods that help some. It also helped when I was able to reduce some of my stress by getting on SSI for my other health problems. The money pays the bills, including rent on an old trailer, so I can finally live alone. Living with relatives was very stressful. So was not having money to pay the bills. My other health problems, and my previously unknown Asperger's made it hard, and then impossible to hold a job any more. Living with relatives due to the money problems was driving us all crazy due to my undiagnosed Asperger's. Now things are somewhat better, and my depression levels have been reduced to levels I am better able to cope with. I definitely prefer living alone, and never want to live with others again.
_________________
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
Sadly, since a sister had already been dealing with her probs it made it no surprise for her to see enough to suggest i had it. That triggered the focus and perhaps over focus on aspies as more and more of my questions were answered just in some of the questions of the various questions nailed me nicely while other parts would have had me scratching head, but explained some of my interests be a bit far outside main stream to the point of being almost a fetish.. till i find something else to focus on. What i want to learn now is how to deal better with all that i miss seeing or understanding along with trying to learn how to be more expressive then just voice. Imagine a great speech coming from someone with no expression to match voice.
_________________
The Truth is out there, it just may not be what you expect or want. Fun is reactions
I'm not diagnosed but my daughters mobile therapist doesn't doubt my Aspie assessment. The more she visits, the more she sees how much I cover and tries to act as translator between my husband and I. My daughters school district is aware that I may be on the spectrum and they have made accommodations for me in IEP meetings because of it. MAN - have those IEP meetings gone SO much smoother since then. The professionals in and around my daughter don't doubt it but I do not have an official word. Not sure I need one - it would be mainly for job accommodations if I need them and for personal edification. I've just accepted the fact that - yup - I fit the profile and that explains so so much.
Getting official recognition and diagnosis may help immensely and all of those people are likely aware of how rough life can be for aspies of all ages. I think i spend more time tring to explain it to people who simply do not know. I have since found out my state is one of the worst for help with ALL disabilities, not just mental health but all whom have any probs in my state have hard time getting help because my state is really big on mouthing words of how good the state is for living a healthy life style falls down in help for those who need help just to live a healthy life style as much as may be possible or realistic. You are lucky they adjusted mostly for others likely also undiagnosed which may turn out to be larger numbers then any guess.. Its sad as native to my state it doesnt have help support groups mouth being support but don't. So if you are aspie, and alone you are screwed in my state
_________________
The Truth is out there, it just may not be what you expect or want. Fun is reactions
Although there is no cure for this difficult disorder, it was a great relief to finally know why I am so different from the norm. Even before finding out about this, I had developed coping methods that help some. It also helped when I was able to reduce some of my stress by getting on SSI for my other health problems. The money pays the bills, including rent on an old trailer, so I can finally live alone. Living with relatives was very stressful. So was not having money to pay the bills. My other health problems, and my previously unknown Asperger's made it hard, and then impossible to hold a job any more. Living with relatives due to the money problems was driving us all crazy due to my undiagnosed Asperger's. Now things are somewhat better, and my depression levels have been reduced to levels I am better able to cope with. I definitely prefer living alone, and never want to live with others again.
Then you can understnd what its like for one in late 50s to deal with because your words echo mine too much sadly. I live on SSDI barely. Its ironic to find out now i have it after frustrating years of trying to explain issues to parents the only one alive is my mom and she does understand now sadly what they couldnt figure out when i was young.
_________________
The Truth is out there, it just may not be what you expect or want. Fun is reactions
I live just north of you and am not quite as old as you but close.
Have you considered joining the Denver GRASP group to discuss some of these feelings and difficulties? Feel free to pm me if you want the contact details. I went to the the last meeting and was surprised that the there were people of all ages. It could be rather therapeutic to meet face to discuss these challenging issues (I can relate to some of what you are going through). Our maybe were need to start a Front Range Old Persons AS group!
_________________
Scores- Aspie score: AS-130, NT-75 You are very likely an Aspie
AQ-43, EQ-14
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Now its official that women are dying from abortion ban. |
19 Sep 2024, 4:44 pm |
Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie? |
23 Nov 2024, 12:38 am |
Aspie friendly socks |
15 Oct 2024, 11:50 pm |
Aspie dating success stories |
31 Oct 2024, 6:22 pm |