Judged negatively because of anxiety and probably my AS

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I am so frustrated and angry right now. In short, I took a huge exam and passed. Then, because I am often "anxious," my actual performance ability was questioned by my examiners even though they passed me! It was pass-fail, with one passing option being passing but being required to take a course or something to suppliment your kowledge, and I got a full pass. Then, right after passing me, I basically had my abilities questioned because I am anxious!

I was talking to my therapist about it and suggested that perhaps a little bit of what other people pick up as anxiety is actually my Asperger's. She said it's probably like 50% of what they are picking up on, because of my rigid body movements and things like that.

I feel so frustrated, angry, and hurt! I am tired of being criticized over and over, throughout my entire life, for being different and weird. I am so tired of it. I have been working really hard to appear more socially and interpersonally "normal." I keep reminding myself to try to put my body in relaxed position and to make appropriate facial expressions. I also forget a lot of the time. I am frustrated because I feel like I am being criticized for something I have a low ability to control.

I'm really sorry to hear that. These things are always frustrating and pretty unfair, Asperger's or not. I think these social rules and superficial judgements never make much sense.

It seems really odd to me that because other people perceive you as "anxious" they won't let you pass.

And I do think that your Asperger's makes you seem "anxious" to other people.

You know, in Germany you get a recommendation at the end of primary school. I did not get a recommendation for grammar school, even though I had better grades than some of those who did. The reason why I would not get the recommendation is that my teachers thought I wouldn't be able to survive there. They already knew that I did not answer questions as directly as my fellow pupils and that I had difficulties explaining myself orally. My mother went to talk to them and we applied at grammar schools anyway and I got my place. The secretary at my school-to-be was even surprised that my grades did not grant me immediate access to grammar school.

Another thing that will always amuse me are my final exams. I got an A and two Bs in my written exams. In my oral exams I got two Ds.

One of my oral exams was Physics. In my last test I got almost 100% of the points. My teacher even wrote next to my grade, "Well done. I'm looking forward to the oral exam!" I will never forget it.

Thanks for the reply. They said my paper was good but that my oral presentation did not reflect my ability. I tend to do badly with oral presentations and things like that. It is hard for me to convey information orally a lot of times, even if I know it.

They did fully pass me, just raised concerns about my anxiety and talked about how my anxiety probably negatively impacts my clients. I don't think it does, for the most part.

I am just so frustrated with feeling different. I like my quirkiness, except when I am looked at with scorn because of it.