Sensitive to change

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Not sure if I posted this in right forum. Is it possible with aspergers adults to be sensitive to change? For example, I'm an only child and have always lived with my parents. I never lived in the dorms during college and think that I would have failed. I like to be organized too. My bathroom is so clean that I get livid when guests mess it up! When I'm at guest at someone's house and am staying few days or so I do clean up after myself. I hate filth. My closet is so organized and clean too. Maybe OSD?

Here is the thing. How many of you would feel of a stranger maybe like a foreign student coming to live with you while he or she is going to private school? Do you live alone, or with roommates or parents? Is it a huge change if such a situation happened? How would you cope? Do you like to live alone, with roommates or with parents, and prefer to keep it that way for a long time?
The thing is Jenny is mom's sister's granddaughter and she's 12. I don't know how long it will last, but I hope just these 2 months. She is going to a nearby Catholic school to finish up the 6th grade. She has never lived in the US nor been away from her parents. The thing is I'm just this way. I like my bathroom to be clean and organized. She has her own bedroom and I have mine, but are sharing bathrooms. I wrote down things that Jenny has to respect so that mom can tell her. Her English is pretty good. She's from Seoul. It appears that when we have have Korean relatives stay the night that they don't respect our house. The bathroom is filthy and the beds are not probably made. Just a pet peeve of mine. Now when my aunt (dad's sister from NJ) comes and stay with us, the bathroom and bedroom are so clean! She's a very clean and organized person. When I visit her in NJ, her house is so clean before my arrival. I just think to clean your house before having guests for dinner or staying few days. Also to have the guest clean up too. It just shows respect. I told dad my biggest fear is that dad and mom will adore Jenny more than me. I know some if not many of you would laugh at me. I'm not 12, but out of college. I can't imagine living on my own away from my parents. I never lived with anyone else but mom and dad. So when some kid comes into our house it pisses me off! Her dad should know about my aspergers and how I hate change. Now he doesn't need to know the real reason why I don't want Jenny in the house. He doesn't need to know that the reason is because I fear she will be adored by parents more than me. He just needs to know simply I hate change and DO NOT want anyone living with us. I want my life to be normal. Just mom, dad and I and a dog. Ruby is now my 2nd dog. I like to travel in Sep or Oct when kids are back in school so that the airports and roads are less crowded. I hate summer. I'm hoping June will be the end of this. Now IF she does like the Catholic school there are other options. Mom has a lot of Korean friends since she herself is Korean, that has had Korean students live with them. Perhaps that would be the best option. Jenny is very shy and quiet though and when I was her age I remember girls calling me a snob. High school girls can be meaner too. But Catholic school doesn't always equal friendly students. Just wondering what your thoughts in all this...

Thanks.

I would feel like someone is invading my space and interrupting my life if that were happening to me (I'm 36 with kids and I've lived with my mom since right after my divorce). I know your parents will always love you and I doubt they will "like" her more but I do semi-understand what you're worrying about. If they show her more attention, just think of it as a new special interest or a new toy, the newness will eventually wear off, right? And things will get back to normal. As for the bathroom situation, you may need to have a meeting of some sort and let her know how you need things to be in there and ask her (nicely) to fix anything that is too unruly. You might have to bend a bit on that one, but don't stress yourself out about how it might be. It will all be okay in the end.

I hope June is it then bye bye go back to Seoul!!

Yes, adults on the spectrum often hate change or disruption of their usual routines, myself included. We also often don't like to share space with a new comer, but this is your parent's home, so you don't get a vote on the girl being there. You will have to deal with her being there. Also, your parents are not going to farm her out to non relatives, when she can stay with relatives--them. Do tell her, or better still, have your parents tell her that she will be expected to clean up after herself, and that includes the bathroom. However, don't have a fit over very minor messes. If you do you will come across as a nut case or an ogre.

If the stay turns out to be a long one then you would probably be better off getting a place of your own, because it will be less stressful for you. I am in my early 50s, and lived with different relatives over most of that time. I have only been living alone for about 6 & 1/2 years now. I always hated living with others, and felt much less stressed once I was on my own. Because it was somewhat quieter than what I was used to, I played music or radio shows for much of the day, and around bedtime for a while, until I got used to it, but that didn't take too long. I definitely prefer the solitude I have here, over living with people.

Give your (second cousin once removed?) a break once she comes. Remember, she is going to be far from home and immediate family. She will be immersed in a foreign culture and a foreign language. This will be a stressful time for her. Don't make it worse. Instead try to find ways you can make her stay more pleasant.

See my opinion is this, and probably a lot of you would disagree. Say for example there is a child that does drugs, drinks and has poor grades and nearly drops out of school. Then take another child who is a model student, gets A's, is on the honor roll, doesn't drink nor do drugs. If parents have that junkie as a child, I would think they would prefer a model student. Can parents love another child over their own??

I too believe Jenny is invading my space and life. At least I have my own bedroom and she has her own. Well its more of a guest bedroom. She is constantly in there though. For example I only saw her last night for dinner, then she went back upstairs again and closed the door. I do know this. Korean students do study a lot more than the students in the US. I think its an Asian thing. Parents force education big time on their children in Korea. But she hasn't started school yet. Her dad paid for April-June at this local Catholic school. She never grew up Catholic and her dad is Buddhist. So she starts April 2nd. She does have the summer uniform, and no winter uniform. She already completed 6th grade in Korea, so the remaining 3 months here is I guess just to observe, but still study and do the homework. But at least from June-Aug, then for that one week or so in Dec-Jan she will go back to Seoul. Dad told me no idea how long he will stay. So I think in a way the plan is for her to complete middle school at the Catholic school till 2014. Then for high school send her to boarding school. I don't know nothing. I just like to travel during the months that children are in school so that the airports, roads, trains, are less crowded.

Mom did tell her certain things she has to do in bathroom. Pick up hairs from floor, wipe down sink after washing face, use tub towel when showering, just basic manners. I don't think Koreans teach their children that.