"Would you have this child Evaluated?": A follow-u

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Hello All,

About a year ago, I posted a thread asking for opinions on whether my son sounded like someone that should be evaluated for Autism. That thread is here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3409110.html&highlight=

Well, it's a year later, he's 6 years old, and the jury is still out I guess. Here's what's changed or stayed the same:

- Still walks on his toes, but now very infrequently. I did as well at his age, occasionally.
- Eye contact has greatly improved. Not perfect, looks "easily distracted" when you talk to him.
- Speech is quite "normal" now.
- Has many friends, but sometimes parallel plays, or prefers to play alone still. Definitely *does* participate as well.
- No obsessions or areas of special interest.
- Has a mind like a steel trap. Watches a TV show, remembers the script verbatim. Can name all the presidents on US money, and I only told him who they were *once*. I have eidetic memory, perhaps he does too. No idea.
- Extremely empathetic. Recognises when his friends are having a tough time emotionally and consoles them.
- Gets upset VERY easily. Almost anything makes him cry. We're working on this and making some progress though.

As far as school goes, he's in public kindergarten now. He had one "meltdown" several months ago - he got really upset after a teacher he didn't recognise called him in for recess, and he said no to her. His regular teacher tried to get him to apologize and he became inconsolable for a few minutes. He "nearly" melted down once because he though lunch was going to be his favorite one day and it turned out to be something else.

After these incidences, his teacher suggested an after-school program with other parents to help kids get used to social situations and handle their emotions better. My wife wanted to wait one month, try to help him ourselves, then if it seemed we weren't getting anywhere, to go for the group plan.

A couple months passed, and we met with his teacher. She said he had improved, and no longer thought the group plan was necessary, but that she thought a "lunch bunch" social lunchtime (proctored by guidance teachers) would help him out a lot, as she wanted to make his transition to first grade smoother. We agreed to this of course - sounded like a great idea. I asked her (and guidance - who was also present) flat out if they suspected there was a pathology to his behavior, and if so, what they recommended. They both almost fell out of their chairs saying "oh no, we just think he needs a little work with social skills."

Well, I don't know what to think. My wife is 100% against getting him evaluated, I'm on the fence. If he's somewhere on the spectrum, he seems to be very high functioning, and may not need much support in that regard anyway.

Opinions anyone? For those who may have answered last year, does any of this change what you thought then? Does this sound like a kid with some catching up to do, or a kid that should be looking for special services?

-Eddie

Well sorry if I've gotten the wrong impression, but why so much effort into making him 'normal' what about him and who he is? I mean sometimes there are more important things than being 'normal' I mean if he does have Autism he's not going to turn normal.....maybe learn to act but how would you like to be an act all the time?

But maybe I got the wrong impression, just seems maybe the 'normal' thing is being pushed a little to hard.

You should accept your son as he is and and not push him to be normal. Does he feel loved by the both of you after all that? You should ask him and ask him what he wants. Maybe he doesn't want to be normal. Maybe he wants to be allowed to be himself and follow his natural patterns. If everybody was the same, the world would be a boring place to live. Don't you think?

Sorry, maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't see anything in the OP about pushing for normal.

It just looks like the focus is more on making this child appear normal, regardless of how he might feel about it, but as I said I might have gotten the wrong impression, not everyone is perfect at wording things and I can mis-understand.

Turns out I misunderstood...figured I'd edit for accuracy.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 29 Mar 2012, 12:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Excellent point (as well as is the other reply).

I hope I didn't give that impression. I'm NT, I'm pretty sure, and I have no reason, desire, or agenda to "change" my son in any way. We love him for who he is, and nothing can change that.

I totally agree the world would be boring if we were all the same. I think where the "pressure" is coming from is the school system. They want every single kid to be the same, and especially, they seem to target behaviors that are stereotypically "autism-like". I want him to be himself, but I also want to make sure he can cope with "the system" as well. So, I guess I have a concern that if he needs tools to deal with it, that he'd get them.

Thanks to both of you.

-Eddie

To the OP,

It seems that he is already getting support from the school with the difficulties that he has had, and that the school are seeing steady progress. He's obviously a very smart wee boy and that can bring it's own issues, but I don't see anything in what you say that shouts autism. Probably best to continue with the wait and see approach at this stage.

Ok cool...but yeah that is how schools typically seem to operate, I mean I know when I was a kid teachers wanted me put on meds due to things like looking unfocused.....regardless of the fact I was still passing the classes and the only real trouble I had academically was math which I still suck at even with a tutor which I tried in college.

But yeah I think one thing is to try and help him understand that is how the school system is, but not that you nessisarly agree...for instance he has to be aware certain things might get him attention he does not want so the idea is you want him to know its ok to more or less put on a 'normal' act at school so he does not have to deal with as much interference from the teachers and such but there's nothing 'wrong' with who he is even if other people seem to act that way. that is kind of what I did myself as a child.

I mean its kind of hard to figure out suggestions, but I just know when I was more or less aware I was different and that some people thought I should change to be normal.....just having that awareness seems to have helped me get through that period of my life. But its kind of hard to explain exactly how also if you can accept him for who he is that should help because having family or friends who accept you can do a lot for self esteem and such.