Why People Should Stop Writing Off Asperger's As Too-Normal

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Maybe not everyone else thinks this is a problem, but stop saying that people with Asperger's are 'too normal to understand Autism.' I tried posting this on my blog, but it didn't work.


I used to think that I was normal, that I didn't have any problems that normal people didn't have. A special ed teacher vehemently insisted that I did, and I continued refusing any 'help' she would offer. I do not regret this, as she was often abusive in her attempts to 'help' me learn social skills in a closed environment, devoid of people my own age.

I had friends who would police me, on Mrs. H's request. "That's rude," they would say, or, "That's inappropriate." They only did this in school, when the aides were nearby. Other students thought I was ret*d, despite my advanced classes and contributions during class. "She's a great artist" one minute, and, "Did you see her face when the aid took her drawing? She's so stupid!" the next.

It wasn't until my Freshman year of high school, when I insisted that my IEP be dropped, that I realized how Asperger's actually affected me. I no longer had to spend time in the STRIVE room, the special ed room. I was able to be myself without repercussions, no teachers who would tell me I'm not being sociable enough, no friends who policed me. I had a therapy session once a week, and that was it.

In the first week, people who met me liked me, said I was nice, and I had more friendly acquaintances than I'd ever had before. In the second week, during swimming, a girl told me to shut up while I spoke with the coach. She apologized in class the next day, and then, at swimming, was rude again. I sat on the stairs, and she told me to "Move [my] bony ass."

I said "No."

After that point, she [Haneen] and her friends started to point out how weird I was, how I did this weird thing with my fingers and never looked at the teacher unless she addressed me directly. They started to call me "ret*d" until a teacher told them not to use the "R" word.

They called me "autistic."

I laughed, a little, when a few of my friendly acquaintances told the girl that even if I was autistic [hey, not too far off] I was still smarter than Haneen and her friends. I was in accelerated classes, and Haneen was in remedial classes. When Haneen started to harass me again, I called her a "brainless troglodyte," and watched her fume as she struggled to translate. She still bullied me, but she never called me "stupid" again.

Haneen wasn't the only person, though. There were people who were mean in passing, who I didn't even know, yet they stared at me as though I had grown a second head. They made antisemetic remarks, though I knew it wasn't because I was Jewish; there were other Jewish kids who got off without a, "Cough...JEW!" or an ethnic slur. It was because I drew during class or said "weird" things or butted into a conversation without meaning to intrude. [EG "Cheerleading is definitely a sport!" "No it's not." "It has tumbling; tumbling is gymnastics, and gymnastics is a sport."]

I finally realized that yes, I did have Asperger's, and it was affecting me. I started looking at people, trying to figure out what makes me so different. They don't treat me like I'm smart, but they treat a guy who would fail a test he didn't study for as though he were a genius. Fine, they don't know me. Then they start looking to me, to each other, and giggling. They start saying mean things to my face, or being condescending, or offering faux kindness.

This is school. At home, my father yells, and I can't handle it. I stim to calm my nerves, and he yells at me for stimming, so I bite my hand to keep from stimming. He yells at me for biting my hand, though I'm not biting hard, and for "self-mutilating."

One day I took a bottle of albuterol to school, locked myself in the bathroom, and cried while I debated whether or not I should take the pills. There were about thirty, and, though I didn't know, they were over a year old. I made a trip or two to the sink, cupping water in my hands while I tried to swallow them, never getting them past my lips.

I tried hanging myself, but I was too low to the ground or the rope, string, - or the thing holding the rope - broke.

I tried a plastic bag, but I'm too claustrophobic.

I was sent to the psych ward in a hospital, where I feared I would be trapped for much longer than a few days. As soon as my mother brought me home, she threatened to take me back.

So how is Asperger's an impairment? I keep getting flashbacks of things I shouldn't have said, ways I should have said them, people who stare and giggle and yell and taunt, times when I've wanted to die. I can't control it, but I keep thinking that I want to die, I mouth the words over and over, but I can't--won't tell anyone, because I'll be sent to a psych ward again. I keep saying stupid things--things that aren't stupid, that aren't lies, that are intelligent, but it's stupid that I've said them at all. Yes, "Idiot" should be more offensive than the R-word because it meant the same thing, and we still use it nonstop. "No one cares."

Maybe if people were nice, friendly creatures who cared about each other, Asperger's would only be a strength. I'm smarter than the average person, I look at things from different angles and try to find solutions in at least three different ways before solving a problem, I give nothing but my best even when I think I'm screwed. And if I didn't feel so lousy all the time I would consider it a strength.

Not sure how old you are but it gets easier as you get older.
The ability to focus/obsess intelligently (choose areas that interest you and benefit others) can give you advantages provided you get a growth mindset about your life. I had no idea that it wasn't something everyone could do until I was out of high school.

I few tips I wish someone has drilled into me earlier:
* make exercise a part of your life every day.. that will help you not feel like crap so much.
* obsess about things you can make a career out of
* don't let others define you or judge you (don't judge others either).
* don't accept that you can't do anything - CHALLENGE it again and again
- most things can be learned even if you're still not 'normal'

Hang in there it will get better.

From reading your post, I think you're more normal than you think you are. A lot of people have tough childhood experiences like the ones you described. Of course, I don't know you in person, which is a totally different type of interaction. Just my two cents.

Your dad is yelling at you for stimming...regularly or he was just upset and acting out of character on one occasion? Doesn't he know the characteristics of AS? Maybe you can have another family member talk to him about you, or ask a counselor at the school for advice. You shouldn't have to put up with that from your parent.

^ That.

Before I found out that I'm an Aspie, I was letting other people define me and tell me what to do, which mostly are not what I really want to do and not who I really am. But back then I thought I was "different", different in a sense that I don't understand why the rest of the world isn't like me, why I view things differently, which usually end up people not understanding me and always misunderstanding me.

And yes, you can learn things, I'd say, far better than NTs. Keep it a goal for yourself and you'll get there. That's what I did, and I only learned about Aspergers early this year, so the 30 years of my life that I lived, I was struggling alone, quietly, secretly.

Like you, I was an accelerated student. I was supposed to get accelerated 2-3 levels but back then the government put some control over it, so I only got accelerated 1 year. But my teachers did notice that my intelligence lies elsewhere (I'm more aware of my world like most adults are, than my age, for example) not in academics, and that I tend to concentrate and excel in specific things like Astronomy, Science, Programming, Poetry, Essays, Writing.

For me my accelerated areas are programming and computer technology in general though I can learn anything I make my focus except for maybe being a typical socialite (I am edging towards at least passing for social due to Toastmasters though). I didn't find out for sure with an official diagnosis that I have AS/ADHD until last year. I don't let it stop me from doing anything. As sad as it was having no one to bail me out was a saving grace in my life. I wish I'd started on this path sooner in my life.

Yeah Asperger's can have strengths but it can also have weaknesses.

I have severe sensory issues and can over focus on my interests, up to the point of starving. The sensory issues can give me disorientation, slow motor movements and loss of speech.
I need to have things explained to me before I can do them. It doesn't apply to all areas but usually in areas I need to be independent.
I have poor motor skills.
I have a dislike of change and I'm resistant to anyone giving me directions.
Limited eating habits can affect my overall health.
Most arguments are started by two conflicting personalities misunderstanding each other.
Too much stress can lead to severe outbursts called meltdowns or shutdowns which is like my sensory overload but can mimic symptoms of depression.

In summary, it's an impairing disorder to me. So impairing I prefer to just think of it as autism because I was never in advanced classes. Teachers would never think to put me in one. I've got way more than autism going on though.

I've had some fun times by being as aspie as well, and i never knew what made me different until the ripe old age of 27. parents have always treated me as incompetent even though i was reading philosophy, science and mythology literature instead of dr seuss when i was young(i guess i read a few of those too XD).

i learned very early on that "others" as i liked to call them (hadn't learned about nt's yet) were very threatened by me answering every question the teacher asked, i never understood why, i had just assumed thats the reason we were in school, "to learn" right?

I never made fun of anyone, i never tried to step on anyone's toes (although i did on occasion), and i just couldn't figure out why i didn't fit in like the others.

over the first ten years of my life i have been beaten violently more times than i can count, i was pelted with rocks the size of my fists, i've been drop kicked in the head just because some kid didn't like the way i looked, i've been mocked, humiliated, and one time even held down and kicked in my sides and face (they fractured two ribs and messed up the cartilage in my nose, or so i found out later). i would wear sweat pants and a long sleeved sweatshirt to hide the bruises from my parents because i felt ashamed. i've been called a freak, loser wierdo, idiot, moron...etc... etc.. etc... all of this because i was smart and because i cant read social cue's.

i won't lie to you, children and teens are monsters, they can be the most abusive horrible thing that can ever happen to you during your years growing up, BUT... only through gradeschool/highschool. your time will come with college

as soon as you get out of that environment and into one where you are surrounded with people who are at school because they WANT to learn, your curse will become a blessing. heck, some people will even try to get close to you just so you can help them study. you may be downtrodden now, but trust me, when they find out you are smart in college you are going to love it.

as an addendum i would also like to add a little saying "there is no revenge quite like a life lived well" after your college exploits you can enjoy your high paying job while all the people who mocked you and made fun of you spend the rest of their lives in mediocrity. (i know a few of my old aggressors are working at Mc-jobs now) while they are flipping burgers, i'm furthering my career in the field of IT.

stick with the studies and one day soon you'll have your moment in the spotlight