I get bouts of depression. I can have a few days of being neutral, where I believe, all my bad thoughts and self-pity have been pushed to the back of my mind for a while, then they kind of make their way to a more conscious part which then takes over my whole mood and thoughts and emotions. I even feel this weight down in my stomach when I get this, and just want to scream and verbally attack NTs for having better social skills and better behavioural management and so on. It all just gets to me, which causes bouts of depression.
During depressive days, I start to wish I was somebody else. I know it is depression because I start wishing to be ill or old, and when you start wishing to be ill or old, you must really hate your life. That is how depressed I get. I start to hate myself so much that I feel bitter at other people around me for being able to socialise, and I just start to wonder why the hell I am here. People say ''you're just as good as anybody else'', but I wish more people would act like I am as good as anybody else, by at least giving me some respect. I am a respectable person, I smile and say hello or good morning to people, which is the best I can do and is nothing wrong in that, even if I sound unconfident, it's still better than nothing, but people still expect something better of me because they just walk by and ignore me. And the next person who says ''maybe they are having a bad day'', I will punch. I have a lot of bad days but I still don't ignore people. I'd thought NTs would know better, but it seems I do in this situation.
Sorry, it was just one of my rants.
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Female