Guilt over physical contact with the opposite sex?

Post Reply New Topic

So I posted something similar in love and dating, and it seems pretty common that many guys feel weird, guilty, etc, when it comes to physical contact with women. This is even true with no bad intentions, platonic relationships, and so on. Does anyone have a reason for this, and how it can be overcome? I can't tell the number of times I avoided dances because I felt so dirty and filthy 'touching' nice girls. It really hurts my dating game too.

For me, those attitudes are nearly all "external"--I know society, and a lot of women themselves, have a problem with guys touching women in any sort of sexual way. For me that's always itself felt weird, as women are interesting to look at and often soft to touch, so on a deep emotional level I am surprised they don't want to be touched. I just can't empathize with others' disapproval enough to actually feel it inside, if you know what I mean. My problem is figuring out how to show physical attraction without the women finding it dirty, creepy, or otherwise objectionable.

I have no trouble with touching the opposite sex. I know not to do it all the time and that there are certain places that aren't to be touched and certain ways of touching that aren't acceptable. I don't have a problem with natural contact (when your legs just happen to meet under the table, for example) or social touching (e.g. high fives).

Yes, a little. It's not so bad as it was when I'd got out of the habit of hugging.

I seem to have a slight difficuty in understanding the meaning of physical contact. It's probably because there wasn't much touch in my upbringing, and from my youth onwards it hardly ever happened unless it was as a precursor to sex. In fact it was usually the first sign that I'd just got myself a girlfriend, when I embraced a girl and she was comfortable with it. So I think it's natural that I'd tend to equate contact with something romantic, and that would account for the guilt feelings, because often one of us is spoken for, so it feels a tad naughty, though it isn't necessarily.

I sometimes think this is related to synethesia. It is common for autistics to mix sensory inputs. Any sexually oriented contact is highly sensory and invokes intense response even with NTs. If there is any cross over at all into other senses and emotions I could see lots of problems for an autistic.

The few times I was with somebody I felt like I had to force myself to do it. But I did not have any attaction to the women I was with, it was offered so I went with them. I always felt awkwards afterwords.

Basically i'm a nervous wreck when i want to have sex. i need dilaudid just to preform my duties

I feel that way about touching the same sex.

I think it's because I'm more in awe of and intimidated by women and my own homosexual tendencies.

When I touch or make love to a man it's much less of a shock to the system.

What about physical contact aside from high fives or hugs at the beginning/end of something? I see NT's with all sorts of contact, and I have no clue when or how I'm supposed to do that. I hate dances, I feel wrong having my hands on a girls shoulders or hips for extended periods of time, like I'm violating them/making them feel uncomfortable.

I make it a rule not to touch anyone at all and apologize if I bump into someone accidentally. It's easier to get over the occasional odd "why is this guy apologizing when I ran into him" than risk alienating coworkers or some such. In general, I don't like touching people I don't know. As for feelings of guilt, I used to have these constantly, but that came more from growing up in a conservative family in a highly religious area. When I say conservative, I mean in the traditional religious sense not the political sense. As I've gotten older, I've noticed a lot of hypocrisy on the part of conservative people in general. Few meet the standard they set for others, and even those that do seem to use it as some sort of "I'm better than you" ego boost. I don't feel guilt when I look at women anymore. Oddly, or perhaps not so oddly, I find myself less inclined to look than when I tried to repress out of guilt.

when you touch them they can sue you. it's best not to unless they start grabbing you first.

I don't like touching anyone not just opposite sex

I'm very cuddle-happy, though sexually-averse.
I do feel guilty over physical contact with the opposite sex,
but then I feel guilty having any interaction with men at all b/c of my parents.

I don't feel guilt from touching the opposite sex, but I would feel nervous doing so, except a handshake or something. I haven't done much dancing in my life, especially touch dancing. When I was in 7th grade, our physical education class included square dancing. I loved it. I liked getting permission to touch girls. Everything was very specifically indicated as to what was appropriate. Just like the conventions for shaking hands.

I later had girl friends and eventually, a wife, but of course, a sexual relationship is very different in terms of touching. No nervousness once the relationship was established.

Oh yes......square dancing, circle dancing, line dancing, ceilidh dancing......a wonderful opportunity to get used to touching people in a harmless, controlled way. I like it because the rules are so well-defined, you know exactly what's OK and what's not OK, the boundaries don't change and as long as you stick within them, you're safe.

I agree. A lot of Aspies would benefit from pursuing these. In retrospect, I would have had a much easier time meeting girls if I had taken some classes in dancing, especially the types you mention which have specific steps. The classes themselves would be the easiest part.