I'd really appreciate some help!

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Hi,

I'm a bit hesitant about posting this since I guess a lot of people have posted similar things before. Anyway, I thought I'd give it a go and see how many are interested.

I'm in the process of finding out whether I have AS or not. I've taken the liberty to write a list of everything which make me feel different (and somewhat weird) in comparison to other people. At the moment the list is about 4 A4-pages long. I won't post the list here since that might be annoying. But if anyone would like to read it (or read a part of it), please let me know! Basically, I'm just trying to gather as much information as possible and since you've probably got more experience than I when it comes to AS, I'd like to hear what you think. I'd really appreciate some help. It's important to me.

Thanks,

Neutrino

EDIT: I know none of you can diagnose me and I know that everyone's different. I'd simply like to know if there's someone else out there who go through the same things and if the things on my list could actually be signs of AS or if it's something completely different. I want to be able to understand myself.

First off hi and welcome to WP second none of us are trained to Diagnose AS even though we have it the best way to know is to get tested. Though since I was diagnosed at a young age idk how it works xD. I would be happy to take a look at your research about yourself though I have no clue what good it would do because Aspergers is different for everyone. I wouldn't be sooo concerned if u did have AS just because its not going to kill you it just makes you well you. Anyway yah send the info or whatever u wrote xD in a pm ill take a look and get back to u. Again however I would like to stress that I am not trained and cannot give u a proper diagnosis on the subject if u really want to know whether or not u really do have AS just find someone who is trained and can properly diagnose u.

Why not post the list up. No one will find it annoying.

I do understand acctually I was kept in the dark about what I had till high school my parents always told me I had a PPD or something like that. In high school I started to want to learn more and more about it. So yah I totally get what u mean. As far as what Cool says that is also true most people here are trying to find themselves and won't be offended or annoyed by a large list of traits. It's your thread if they don't like it they don't have to read it.

Just so u know I may not get to the list till later I have been up all night and am going to try to go back to sleep but I will get to it today. btw I go by EST xD so its like 4 am here.

Ok, I'll post the list in a PM now. If more people want to read the list, I'll post it here. So, let me know.

Yeah post the list. We don't have to read it if we dont want to, but I'm interested.

Ok, but I've warned you, it's massive:

- I hate smalltalk and I don't fully understand it.
- I have a hard time looking people I don't know in the eye. I can do it if I force myself but it's really uncomfortable.
- I hardly ever understand jokes if they're not exactly my kind of humour. Sometimes I do understand the jokes anyway but then I have no idea how to respond.
- I've never really liked hanging out with people my own age. In school I found it more interesting to talk to the teachers than my peers.
- I find it difficult to keep conversations going when I talk to people I don't know or people I don't know that well. I don't know what to say or how to act, what to do with my arms etc. Most of the time I let the person I'm talking to do all the talking while I listen (or listen and think of something else) or I do all the talking and then I talk about myself or things which interest me. Mostly science.
- I'm very bad at multitasking. It makes me very stressed.

- I need specific instructions in order to get something done. I need to know what to do, how to do it, when to do it and for how long to do it before even getting started.
- I dislike talking on the phone. Mostly because I find it a bit difficult knowing when it's my turn to speak. Either I wait for too long or I interrupt people which makes it awkward. If I have to call strangers I have to write down everything I want to say. If that changes during the phone call I get all confused.
- I have difficulties making up stories and pretending. I mean, I can't even pretend when it comes to playing with small kids.
- I'm very sensitive to sounds. I get very easily annoyed when it's noisy. Get headaches etc. I use earplugs quite often and sometimes I even find it hard to listen to music. Some sounds cause me physical pain.

- I find it hard to express certain feelings. Especially feelings of joy and gratitude (which is why I don't like celebrating my birthday nowadays). People often tell me I look angry or sad when I'm not. Apparently I don't smile enough.
- I have very focused areas of interest and I only have one interest at a time. Over the years I've been interested in things such as astrophysics, world flags, World War II, gravity, mathematics, neuroscience, Rubik's Cube and ice-hockey etc. Once having a special interest I get completely absorbed in it. I do everything I can to find out as much as possible and learn as much as possible about the subject. I read books about it, watch documentaries, buy things which has to do with the interest, read forums, google it, watch movies and listen to music which have any connection to the subject, listen to radio programmes, talk about it and think about it every second I'm awake.

- I can't really function without planning and routines. If someone interrupts my routines or change my plans for me I tend to get very annoyed. For me, routines don't always have to do with doing things at a certain time, but in a certain order. I don't have to get up, shower and get dressed a certain time but I have to do it in a certain way. For example, I put my clothes on in the same order every day. I tie my shoes in a certain order (left foot first). I sit at the same spot in the sofa every day. I choose the same locker to put my stuff in at work and if I can't get "my" locker I get frustrated. When I buy new shoes they have to be the exact same model or very similar to my old shoes. I always wear black jeans. I listen to the same song over and over and over again. I watch the same movies over and over and over again because I like predictability and I just get stuck on things. And I'd rather go up way too early and have time to do all my routines than sleeping longer.

- I don't handle change well. Big changes can make me feel really depressed.
- I do a lot of "weird" things such as for example to count my steps when walking up and down stairs. Sometimes I feel the urge to skip over the "lines" on the setts (paving) outside. I always walk the same way to places and cross the street at the same places. Otherwise it feels wrong.
- I don't really like when people touch me. I've got a boyfriend and when he hugs me etc that's completely fine most of the time. Same goes for my family or very close friends. But if strangers touch me I get a bit creeped out. Also, I have days when I can't stand anyone touching me or even being close to me. That includes boyfriend and family etc. If someone touches me during those days I get very annoyed and feel like I'll panic. When I was young my mum always had to cut off the labels in my clothes because I couldn't stand them. I always wear jumpers/t-shirts/shirts which are a bit oversized since I can't stand it when clothes sit too tight. Then I feel trapped or I just feel like they're wrong.

- I don't know the correct answer to "how are you?" so I tend to answer that question too late or too honestly which seem to confuse people.
- I've felt different my whole life not knowing why.
- I've felt socially awkward my whole life not knowing why. I tend to avoid meeting new people which sometimes gets me into trouble. My first boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't hang out with his friends. That was apparently important to him but I didn't get it. I wasn't scared of them or anything. I just didn't know how to act around them so I avoided them.
- I've always collected things and what I thought was fun about it was to be able to sit and sort my collections for hours. I had about 600 ice-hockey cards when I was about 10. I loved sitting alone in my room just sorting them and learn some of the player's statistics from the back of the cards. When I was done I started all over again.

- I was bullied in school.
- I started talking when I was 6 months old, started walking when I was 1,5 years old. I knew the whole alphabet when I was 2 and I could read when I was 3,5.
- As a child I didn't really enjoy playing games which involved pretending. I did pretend sometimes and then I pretended I was a knight or a policeman but most of the time I just wanted to read, draw or build with lego.
- I dislike sports. Especially team sports. Not because they're boring but because I'm very bad at them. I feel very clumsy and stiff. Felt that my whole life. I didn't learn how to swim until I was about 11 and to this day I still feel nervous when on a bicycle. I know how to ride a bike but I'm afraid I'll fall over, which I've done a few times.
- I've very easily annoyed. I have a short temper.

- I make lists like this one for everything.
- Socialising drains me. I like hanging out with close friends but even that drains me. Having personal space and getting to be alone is vital to me.
- I value knowledge and facts greatly. The human intellect fascinates me.
- I value rules and moral. My siblings told me I was like a policeman at home when I was kid, always busting them when they did something wrong.
- I love learning things.
- I'm very picky with food.

- I'm interested in numbers.
- I worry a lot and I think a lot. All the time.
- I get annoyed and angry when people are late. If you're not in the right time you're in the wrong time.
- I'm quite obsessed with time in general to be honest. I always need to know what time it is and I make up schedules in my mind.
- I tend to correct people's grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes and wrong facts if I know the answer. Even if it's not always appreciated.
- I'm a very honest person. Not brutally honest, but probably more honest than the average person.

- I find it difficult to empathise with people. If I'm very close to them (family, boyfriend or close friends) then I do worry and care when they have problems but I think it's difficult otherwise. I never feel anything when I watch the news. I know it's tragic and I know I'm supposed to feel like it's tragic but I'm indifferent. Only time I really care about strangers is when they get bullied, because I can relate to that.
- Sometimes I ask questions I already know the answer to. Just to get to feel I'm right. For example, I can ask someone "It's Monday today, right?" when I already know it is.
- I have a habit of repetitive movements. Some voluntary and some involuntary. The most involuntary one is rubbing my feet together or moving them from side to side. I also rub my hands together (mostly when I'm uncomfortable or thinking). I rock back and forth sometimes (that's quite voluntary but it feels good so I do it anyway). I always fidget with things etc. When I was young my parents told me I used to rock from side to side a lot. Even in my sleep.

- I talk to myself. A lot. I practice conversations and sometimes I even have monologues with myself just to ease my mind. No hallucinations or delusion or anything. I just find it comfortable to talk to myself.
- I get mood swings quite easily. They're not pending between extreme high and extreme low, but my mood can change quite quickly.
- I feel weak in comparison to other people. Like I can't take as much as them. I'm exhausted after a 5 hour shift at work. I easily get headaches etc.
- Sometimes I feel like I get attached to objects rather than people. My 3x3x3 Rubik's Cube for example. I bring everywhere and if I forget it somewhere I completely freak out. I also feel sad when I have to throw out my favourite pair of shoes etc.

- I see sounds when I have my eyes closed. When I'm relaxing or when I'm going to bed for example and I hear a sharp noise I see a bright flash of white light at the same time.
- Sometimes I have meltdowns and shutdowns. Shutdowns are more common. Then I just sit in silence and space out. I have meltdowns sometimes (last time I had one was last month). They usually include sobbing, then getting angry, hitting my head, pacing, swearing, throwing things or hitting cushions very hard in pure anger.
- I see things a lot of people don't see. I notice details.
- As a child I always gave things a rightful place in my room. I had a lot of stuffed animals for example. I gave each of them a certain place on my bed. Every morning when I made my bed I took the time to put the stuffed animals where they were supposed to be. Otherwise it felt wrong.

- I often feel sort of claustrophobic around groups of people. Being in town is a bit of a nightmare for example. A lot of people talking at the same time and coming too close to me freak me out. I feel trapped and I get confused. Input overload.
- When I was young my parents often had to force me to go play outside with other kids.
- I need to know what will happen in advance. Otherwise I feel confused and uncomfortable.
- I'm either utterly obsessed with things or uninterested. I'm either on or off. I'm a master of black-and-white-thinking. I'm often speaking either too much or too little and my voice is sometimes either too quiet or too loud. I'm always at extremes, never in the middle.

- I involuntary clench my right fist often.
- When very annoyed I bang my head in walls, tables or sofas. Not all the time, but often.
- I always eat the same thing for breakfast. A sandwich with ham and lettuce, a banana and orange juice.
- I can't really deal with conflicts. Most of the time I walk away but if I can't then I just don't listen and I can't be reasoned with which people think is very immature.
- I like chewing on things. Chewing gum, plastic, my left hand, my lower lip, my tongue etc.
- I'm rambling a lot. It often takes a long time for me to get to the point.
- I tend to stare a lot. I kind of just space out. I don't mean to stare at people because I don't really see them even though I might be looking at them. I just stare and think.
- Often when I talk to people I do it to get some sort of information out of them.

- I don't like saying hello to people when I meet them. Also, I don't like randomly meeting people I know in town.
- When I was young my dad had to teach me how to hug people.
- I have a bad posture which is something I get to hear quite often. I sometimes also get to hear I walk a bit funny. I look down a lot and I don't move my arms that much when walking.
- Sometimes I can't see if a person's serious or not. I look at their face but I can't figure it out.
- I'm incapable of improvising.
- When I was younger people often thought I was shy or scared of people.

- Sometimes I just don't know when it's my turn to speak. Sometimes I feel I'd be able to contribute to a conversation but I don't know when to "jump in". So I tend to interrupt people.
- I often verbalise my thoughts.
- I can't be spontaneous when talking to strangers/people I barely know. I have to make it all up in my mind first.
- I very often repeat the last words people say when talking to me.
- New situations make me anxious.

- I score between 35-40 in the AQ-test (I've done it twice). I get 125 of 200 Aspie points and 95 of 200 NT points on the rdos-test. I get low EQ and high SQ on tests. Pretty much all the online tests I take tell me I probably have some sort of mild PDD or Asperger's.

Long list, huh? And it keeps getting longer. This is it for now though.

Yes, do post the list.

That's not massive - you should see the list I took in when I went to get assessed. Well lists, actually (he got a new list with different things on it each time I went in ... must have totalled at least 40 pages in the end ...).

Anyway, you sound quite like me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing (!) ... but I was diagnosed with an ASD. Maybe you are on the spectrum, maybe you aren't. But there's certainly enough there to warrant an assessment.

Well from your list at least the one you sent me I find that you do have many traits of AS and a few other traits you listed are most likely Bad habits picked up during childhood I mean Bad posture really isn't a trait of AS its a bad habit I mean I have Bad Posture but there again so did most of my NT friends in school xD. Many of the things you listed especially at the top are what I have experienced as well. Time consuming Interests, Hypersensitivity to sound or sight, social behavioral problems, among other things. In my own personal opinion it sounds like AS I still recommend getting a real diagnosis to make sure.

You sound quite a lot like me. Unfortunately I'm not diagnosed either so I can't really tell if you're on the spectrum or not.