A word that I hate: "overcome"

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One word that I can't stand, because it is misused by laypeople in an Asperger context, is overcome. Such as, the naive phrase "you can overcome this condition if you really want to." (or worse, but more rare, you should have overcome this by now - clinging to the myth that Aspergers is a "kid's disease").

It would be more tactful to use terms such as "cope with", or "improve upon", or "find ways of dealing with". Ironically, this appears to be one area of tact that seems to elude some NTs, being otherwise reputed for tactful phrasing compared to us Aspies. Notice I say some, because occasionally I have gotten comments of the more softened variety, from people who seem to be more enlightened.

I believe that "overcome" is appropriate in certain contexts, like addictions, or phobias, or depression (depending on root cause). It is not appropriate for circumstances like death of a family member younger than oneself, or post-traumatic stress conditions or permanent injuries, or Aspergers.

On a couple of occasions, I did push back against someone using "overcome" for my Aspergers condition. I replied "well, I have to correct you (or object to), nobody "overcomes" Asperger Syndrome." The response was to the effect of "well, hey, I'm just trying to push you in the right direction, you don't have to listen to me, you don't seem to listen to what I say anyway." So I responded by suggesting the more tactful terms described above, but by then, the other person seemed kind of distant and not all that receptive to it (from what I could discern of their nonverbal ).

Overcome is a really stupid word in the context of Autism. You can't "overcome" brain structure, and there really isn't anything to overcome, other than the communication gap between Autistics and Neurotypicals* (Which Neurotypicals could overcome themselves, but usually don't bother to, and they tell us to overcome that gap instead).

Our brain structure isn't inferior, nor necessarily superior, it's just different, which can present gaps in communication. Because Neurotypicals vastly outnumber Autistics, it generally falls on our shoulders to use our logical analytical method of thinking to generate behaviors, thoughts, and body language, that would appear to a neurotypical as being non-logical non-analytical, in order to function in their world, but that does not imply that our functionality is somehow impaired, or even that our thought process has changed. We just have a different default functionality which can be adapted to present a simulacrum of neurotypical response to stimuli, in order to please the neurotypicals, and receive candy†.

That's not overcoming. That's outsmarting.

*Strictly speaking, I find Neurotypicals to be embarrassingly bad at communication, and find it hilarious that they consider Autistics to be the inferior communicators. If they would just drop the non-verbal nonsense, and communicate using words by their literal meaning, there would be significantly less miscommunication between Neurotypicals and other Neurotypicals. But good luck actually convincing a Neurotypical of that.

† Candy may in fact be money which is used to pay rent and procure food

Last edited by Karilyn on 10 Apr 2012, 7:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

I also hate that word. It's such a stupid word. What if I don't want to "overcome" my AS. What if I want to celebrate and embrace it instead. There are lots of things that the word should be related to, but autism isn't one of them. It's not cancer, an illness or a disease. Another word that I hate is "fight" in relation to my AS. There's nothing for me to fight. It's not cancer or an illness. It's a difference for me to celebrate.

I disagree with what you say and that is because you want them to use a form of political correctness. I believe political correctness stiffles and hampers free flow of thoughts. I do disagree with them though. I would attack their arguments though. I would ask them why do you believe that I could overcome this condition if I want to? I would ask them why should one overcome it and what do you mean by overcoming? I would ask them what aspect still displays as abnormal to you still? I would ask them why is it always preached to me by society that I need to be myself? I would finally ask, why is it me that must do the changing and why is it that I am never allowed to be myself and true to myself?

Hate the word too, but currently i just don't bother with explaining or even talking to NT's anymore, i'm so f*****g fed up with their expectations and demands that i simply move on.

It makes no sense to even try to explain anything because they don't see individuals, they only see their own stupid mass of sheeples and rather dumb themselves down instead of living at the edge or outside of society.

Look around even here. "I want to be like everybody else ..." dude, you're either a misdiagnosis or downright stupid.

No, there's nothing to overcome, but the same applies for major depression, dyslexia, color blindness, and countless other anomalies.

I don't like it either. The fact is, I don't really overcome anything. Adapt and vary strategy maybe, but that's to work WITH my traits, which is var better than fighting or "overcoming" them.

I prefer adapt or cope. Works better for lyrics writing.

You overcome problems, not conditions. Also, if you overcome a problem it should go away completely. You can overcome certain disabling effects of AS, but not AS itself.

oops, tangent

Last edited by fleurdelily on 16 Apr 2012, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I still have some ADHD and Autism Problems, and so does my friend. I'm 24, and he's 29. I don't think theres a way you can "overcome" your habits that come with your autism. I know I have very bad habits that I try to overcome, but just can't do it.

My mum used the 'overcome' word last week in an assessment interview. She said she thought I could 'overcome' things. I snapped at her and said I can try and cope with certain things, but I can't overcome everything. And you definitely can't overcome aspergers. I think they're just ignorant and don't understand what we do.

I hate this word applied to autism too. I have learned many things, and some of these things I use to communicate with others, but I have not overcome autism.

I understand your frustration, but are you not just taking up the symmetrical position to the NT who says they want you in communication to attend to their feelings and the way things are said and so on? Recognising that their are different subjective states, different communication styles and therefore things that are real for some people but that are not recognised or picked up by others, would perhaps be a better starting point for working with the so-called AS/NT divide, or any person to person communication.

I'm interested in what you're saying about this. In particular, would you like to elaborate on the idea that society preaches about the need to be oneself v. you being allowed to be your true self?

PT Somorrow, I'm an NT and I'm hoping to do special ed. I have an aspie girlfriend. I'm trying my best to understand Aspie life and and perspective.

Know this, if I don't talk/communicate with YOU PT Somorrow I will NEVER understand when I am figuratively stepping on your feet.

I am going to be a special ed teacher, like it or not. I'm here actively trying to learn your perspective, tell me about Aspie world, converse and communicate.

My personal view is that NO ONE can 'overcome' Aspergers. At best it could be dealt with as little painfully as possible. Parents, schools, and society has expectations, ignorance and hope.

Expectations and ignorance is wrong, but hope is a good thing.

I've noticed that my pattern of speech and impulsivness is ruffling feathers and I actually don't seem to be able to engage in conversation here even though I'm trying the best I can. I'm feeling kinda isolated, I suppose walking a mile in someone else's shoes is a good thing but its not easy. what am I doing wrong?

what have you always wanted to tell your teacher? tell me so I won't make the same mistake, please

I may have an answer to my own question about why is it always preached to me by society that I need to be myself or really should. First, I live in the United States of America. Second, I've been speaking to my dad every day. I've learned a lot not about how NTs think but how aspies think. I believe if we're going to understand how NTs truly think we have to understand how we think.

We aspies pay more attention to the details of things instead of the overall picture. We do a lot of divergent or lateral thinking with these details. We do too much of divergent thinking. A lot of times we seem to want to treat these details as though they're mutually exclusive when they are not. In fact, we seem to think they are impossible for them not to be mutually exclusive when it is possible for them to be mutually exclusive and they can be inter-connected together. At least, this has been a problem for me. What happens is we examine and analyze these details as though they are in isolation of each other. I believe what we, some of us, or maybe only me is we take these details which we think are isolated to their logical conclusion. In essence, we perceive things as contradictory when they are really not. They are only contradictory when they are taken out of the relationship to each other and isolated.

For example, some of us think that being ourselves is in isolation of society's laws, social moores, and the social veener. We would see it as contradictory. What if it is not? What if there is a way that we can all be true to ourselves and still follow the laws, social moores and keep the veener in tact. What does this mean? We can only be ourselves to a certain extent. If being ourselves and being true to ourselves meant streaking across Yankee Stadium should we be true to ourselves and do this. What if this was offensive to others watching the game? In this case, you have to give up being absolutely true to yourself as a courteous to others who want to watch the game.

Another example is taking initative in the workplace vs breaking the law. We are supposed to take initiative but within our nation's laws. This is a lot more complex and can involve more than two variables. What we think of accurate is only accurate when we isolate the individual details from each other but put them together in an inter-related whole and what we aspies think of as perfect and accurate is not so perfect accurate. The parts are only accurate when in context to the surrounding whole. I believe the core part of our neurology is only seeing the parts as isolated from themselves and not as an inter-related whole. If an NT can come and comfirm I would love for them to come and comfirm.