For me, it's still an on-going process. I am 30, and I am living independently. I only managed to get a (rented) house of my own exactly in June of last year, and it felt like a liberation. I'll tell you the process of how I got here:
At 16, i moved with my mother to my father's apartment in Amsterdam. My father was an alcoholic, so it was a far from ideal situation and my parents were constantly fighting. I was not in school at the time, and the original plan was to study at home in preparation of the exams that would allow me access to university. But depression prevented me from putting out a good performance.
I entered a long period of being idle and apathic which lasted from about 2005 to late 2008. At that point I was 21 and decided I should find a job. All this time, my mother was supporting me, and expecting me to get those exams I mentioned. But it was not going to happen. So to procure myself a small amount of independence, I searched for a job and first found a cleaning job, which didn't last long, and then a job in a book repair shop. That last job was actually not paid out of the shop's profit, but out of social benefits; pretty much everyone employed there was on benefits because for one reason or another they had run into a snag in their life and had trouble finding work. I stayed there for two years and it was an overall positive experience.
Through a classmate from Chinese class, I found a job at a factory. Finally I got paid directly by the company again, which felt really good and was also nice money. But the job itself was not so nice and I stayed there for only half a year. All this while I was still living with my father. I was searching for a place of my own, but in Amsterdam there's this huge wait list, and even in the surrounding towns it's hard to find a house quickly.
After a period of 8 months of unemployment, I found two jobs through these so called "job coaches" who help people with some kind of problem, for example autism. I was lucky to be able to combine these two part time jobs. But they were partly paid by the companies, and partly I kept the benefits.This got really awkward when I was working harder than some of my co-workers, who got paid more.
In 2013, the personal situation at home with my alcoholic father reached critical mass, and I asked my cousin if I could move in with her and my aunt in their small home town. There, it took many months and a couple of odd jobs before I found a job at a warehouse. I performed well there, and after a year of working there, I became the de facto main resident of the house when my aunt and cousin moved into a new house in my cousin's name whilst keeping the old apartment on my aunt's name. I was paying the rent, electricity, gas, and water by myself. This taught me how to plan my budget, especially because I was also paying back a big debt at the time.
When in 2016 my aunt moved to a different place, I was forced to search for a house of my own, and fortunately, I found something within the span of a month. I have been properly independent ever since.
So in summary, for me it was one part own initiative, and one part calling in help from job coaches and relatives. If there is someone who can help you, accept the help; but never become fully dependent.
Try to look for jobs based on your skills and your positive points.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
26 Aug 2017, 6:05 am
