How do you isolate yourself when you need comfort?

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I have found, over the past thirty-plus years, that I am at my worst socially when I most need comfort.

This means that I tend to seek out the company of others when I am least capable of "investing" in my "social capital" to make them want to provide me the kind of company that I desperately need.

The obvious solution is to isolate myself whenever I feel a need to seek out others - to enforce a strict "social diet" and ensure that I only interact with people when I can ensure that doing so will be in their best interests.

The problem is, the longer I go without comfort, the more I need it, and the more inappropriate and distressing my behavior becomes. If I want to truly commit to this policy, I'll basically need to isolate myself indefinitely, until I "reboot" via some kind of psychotic break.

Even this post is an attempt at seeking out feedback and social company - just watch; people will give advice, I'll claim that I've tried that before or that it won't work in my situation, we'll play "yes but-" and everyone will be pissed off at me, until people will start positing the theory that I'm explicitly seeking out abuse. I'll attempt to refute that theory, which will cause people to become more aggressive, so I'll acquiesce and agree with that theory, and be labelled a troll - then I'll go away and kick myself and decide that I really DO bring it on myself.

What I need is some strategy to utterly isolate myself from comfort whenever I need it - some way to become completely inured to my own needs. I have no idea how to manage this without developing a form of sociopathy.

Just tell yourself that you are strong and can handle everything. Things are only temporary and tomorrow is another day. It just takes inner strength! You have to find your strength and stand tall and strong against the storm. "Ride through the storm Ride through the calm" as Bob Marley sings. Or better yet, just listen to some Bob Marley. I find his music soothing.

...

I spend about 80% of my day alon on the computer. If Im in a social situation and it starts getting a bit too much for me then I usually just say I need to go have a cigarette and nip outside on my own to regather my composure. God knows what Ill do when I eventually quit.

It helps to convince yourself you are strong. I feel like the strongest person on earth because I tell myself I have inner strength and that I have survived so much. Strong people can handle stuff without relying on others for comfort.

There is no possible way that I can parse this that doesn't sound like horses**t. I'm seriously trying, but come on.

A fish doesn't learn to breathe air by telling itself that it's strong. And what the hell do you do when you aren't strong enough to convince yourself that you are strong?

Soooo...I take it you need comfort, then?

Switch to cigars or pipe ... lasts much longer than a cigarette. Another option is to use two cell phones in different pockets and give the one a call with the other. Then you need to go out for an undisturbed conversation.

A fish doesn't breathe air. When you aren't strong enough, you must chant to yourself that you are. That's the whole idea. Thinking it transforms you. How do you think athletes achieve what seems impossible? Most of it by thinking, small percent is by actually doing.

My family has come to understand my need for my quiet time alone. I have the family room which I often have to myself. I can also use the master bedroom during the day. And if I were to find those not satisfactory, I could go to my Airstream travel trailer. I do need my isolation---usually on a daily basis. Most of the time I retreat to the family room when the rest of the family has gone to bed.

Hrm. We seem to be talking about different things.

Most of you are talking about "how do I get other peoples' permission to have alone time?"

That's almost the *opposite* of what I'm talking about. I don't want alone time. I want to be around people; the problem is, they don't want to be around me. I'm trying to learn to respect that fact, but it's incredibly difficult.

Oh, so, you do want to be around them. I'm under the impression you didn't want to be comforted. So, why do you think they don't want to be around you? Because you need comforting? If they don't want to provide comfort when you need it, doesn't sound like they are very good friends. That's what friends do for each other, isn't it? Maybe you are trying to cozy up to the wrong people?

No, it's a pretty consistent pattern, no matter who I'm around. People who want to provide comfort in the beginning tend to get "worn out" quickly. I try to make up for it by providing every conceivable amount of utility, empathy and comfort myself, but there's something about the way that I interact with people that makes my friendship worth objectively less than other peoples'.

That's too bad. You sound like a great friend to me.

I have to do the same thing. When I'm feeling at my lowest, I need to look to myself for help, not to others.

Not saying it's easy, or that it's right, but... That's just how it is, for people who have issues that no one else can possibly understand, or do anything about :/

*shrug* I'm not sure how that's relevant.