What are your social-situation difficulties?

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I just want to get a read on what issues people experience in social situations on an individual basis. Are there any particular aspects of social interaction you find especially problematic?

I'm a suspected/undiagnosed aspie, but here are some of the social issues I run into:
-I typically don't have much to say if I'm not interested in a topic of conversation; I'm usually just...there. On the other hand, I can hog a conversation if I am interested. It's hard for me to keep a conversation going otherwise. Feigning interest is tiring.
-Eye contact is not my strong suit.
-I seem to struggle with picking up on the flow of conversation. I've noticed that I interrupt others a fair amount. I occasionally join conversations I have no business joining, simply because it's about a topic that piques my interest. I have difficulty at times in clearly expressing my thoughts.
-It is very difficult for me to wish someone a happy birthday or offer condolences (for instance). I am sometimes able to force myself to say something, but I'll often try to avoid the topic. In some instances, I don't know how to respond at all. I may feel your pain, but I may not always show it.
-Generally speaking, I think I've learned how to not come across as totally rude (I don't blurt out inappropriate things, for example), but I get so caught up in my own mental processes that I think I do appear rude at times. I've been called out for spending entire meetings staring at my laptop and working on other stuff instead of seeming to pay attention. I've also gotten some defensive responses to things I've suggested in meetings, which leads me to believe I am lacking tact or something. I think I am a little too blunt at times.

Same. Sometimes I also want to be with people but I say nothing because I don't know what to talk about. I need other people to start one with me and initiate it.



I have gotten better at it.



Same here. I don't know if I should join in a conversation or not. I try hard to not interrupt and I have gotten better at it.


Also:

I keep bringing up my interests in topics when something triggers it.

I don't know what to say or know the right thing to say and I always have to think in my head if it be okay to say it or not or should I keep it to myself

I also tend to withdraw when there are lot of people and I do my own thing like read at the table or play my game or something

I sometimes blurt out inappropriate things

I sometimes say what is on my mind

I am too honest sometimes

I suck as giving emotional support

I can't tell if I have said something wrong or if I said something funny and why are people laughing at me?

I probably say things the wrong way because people take what I say the wrong way and that is another reason why people laugh because they knew what I meant but I had implied something else so they found it funny and even my own husband tells me "it was the way you said it."

I sometimes notice people don't get a word in edgewise but I am not sure if it's because they have nothing to say so they are just listening or I am not giving them the chance to speak so I try to pause for five seconds to see if they talk

I take things literal and it takes me a little longer to realize someone was joking or being sarcastic

I have no idea how to get a date in real life or even tell if a guy is hitting on me or just being friendly. I have nothing to worry about here because I am married so it doesn't matter

I sometimes answer rhetorical questions and even if I do know it is one, I still choose to answer it

I often don't understand why people are offended

I may see facial expressions but sometimes I have a hard time understanding them

I have a hard time with non verbal cues though I have learned a few like foot tapping or finger tapping and constantly checking their phone or watch

Social cues I have gotten better at

I have no idea if someone is ignoring my phone calls or if they are too busy and they never bother returning any

I don't know if someone is bored or not interested or do they just have nothing to add

I don't know if I am being ignored on purpose or if they truly can't hear me when i ask something so I will ask twice or three times and no answer, I assume they are ignoring me intentionally unless its someone I know, I will keep asking until they answer. I have no idea if they are being rude or if it's truly none of my business

I don't know what isn't my business or what I can ask

I tend to ask personal questions because I don't know what question is personal or not. I assume anything you ask someone about themselves is one but I have no idea what question is acceptable to ask

I try to think about how others would react to what I say or what I ask but I am never sure how they would react because I am not them and they are not me

I probably have a snarky attitude since I have been called it on several occasions and it's never my intent to sound that way when I am not intending to be

I don't know really. I'm just afraid to talk because of the fear of not getting listened to or heard, and the fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. So I tend to just stay quiet and speak if I'm spoken to but not speak otherwise.

When I first arrive to a social event, like a lot of people, I'm shy and polite. But I tend to keep that way, while others start building up conversations with other people. Then people get the message that I'm quiet and so don't bother to talk to me, so I then feel pushed out of group conversations and just end up standing there quietly like a lemon, being reluctant to join in because I either can't get a word in or I get the ''I wasn't speaking to you'' looks from other people (even though I'm not the sort to interrupt or change the subject).

Also, nothing is fun when you're shy. I remember when I went on school trips, I was always feeling so bewildered, while everyone else was having fun. Other shy kids just stuck with their friends, but because I wasn't part of a group of friends and had nobody to stick with really, I just had to ride along with it on my own, and just tried sitting next to the teacher. It's still like it now, when I go to social events. It doesn't seem so fun because I'm shy, and I don't get included much so it makes it even less fun when you're standing about on your own, feeling awkward and probably looking awkward too.

-I have a hard time eating in front of people, the more formal the setting, the worse
-I can't really pick up small talk
-I have trouble contributing in conversations unles it's one of my special interests
-I'm really shy and quiet, more than I realize
-I don't like saying hi to people I know in public unles I'm pretty close to them
-I have trouble meeting friends
-I don't do well in group settings
-my anxiety takes over when I'm doing an interview
-I need my alone time, especially after being overstimulated
-I feel intimidated easily by certain types of people
-I have low self-esteem
-I have a hard time showing and dealing with my emotions

Impairments/reasons for social interaction to be disastrous:

- what I say is unlike what everyone else says, I'm naturally "outside" the flow
- I attract attention for some reason, people are curious and initiate contact -> they notice there's "something wrong" with me sooner
- people have trouble understanding what I mean to say
- words can be difficult to understand
- lots of stimuli affect my sensory dysfunction, therefore negatively affect many of my abilities
- sometimes my eyes will wander and I won't show a fitting facial expression when I am overly occupied
- people think that I'm shy and anxious, treat me like a shy person, then get angry or confused at my normal reactions (which aren't shy)
- I have a hard time speaking spontaneously and then also speaking correctly
- I'm hyperactive and impulsive which adds a whole new dimension of things that can go wrong

Strengths/reasons for social interactions to be successful:

- analytic understanding what people want to say and why to a certain emotional degree/for most (emotional) reasons
- influencing people and influencing them to respond a certain way without them noticing
- "reading between the lines" of intentions and generic/typical emotional responses
- being interested in people because I feel that they can be very entertaining to deal with

Oh my god. I need to contact the authorities. Interpol maybe? Human cloning is illegal but I'm certain that's what you are, my clone.

- Strongly dislike talking on the phone as well as in person

- Communication exclusively through writing

- Avoid looking in faces, let alone eye contact

- Back off when people start talking about feelings

- Their "problems" seem pointless or stupid to me, for instance, relationship stuff. Usually my reaction is "Why don't you just break up?" But meanwhile i don't listen to that kind of topic anymore.

- If i do anything like cycling, going to a museum or for a walk, or to a restaurant, i always prefer to do it alone because the presence of another person sucks.

- Freak out if someone tries to touch me

- I need to break up with people because i feel they violate my boundaries and that i simply don't get anything out of a contact; it's more or less a waste of time.

- Downright hate it when people want to get personal. Exchange on topics is okay to a degree, but i'm definitely not interested in their private matters and back off when they start talking about it.

Bottom line, however, i think the problems are more on the other people's side since i don't miss anything.

This drives me nuts.

-I suck at making small talk. When a person I don't know too well initiates conversation with me I kind of just smile awkwardly and give one word replies.

-I still can't get used to large social gatherings. Too much stimulation, too many people, too many unpredictable variables. Alcohol doesn't help as it makes me even more socially awkward-the main difference being now I'm too drunk to notice what an ass I'm being.

-I don't know how to comfort people when they are sad. I just kind of look confused and offer to listen. I try to give objective advice but this doesn't always work.

-I can't be around one person for too long. When a person begins to get clingy as a reaction to needing to be alone and having my thoughts to myself I end up saying something really mean to get them to back off. I feel bad about it later on, but sometimes it's just too much and verbal diarrhea is the end result. I just cannot deal with clingers.

-I still haven't gotten used to proper body language or where I am supposed to look. Large sunglasses help with this, but not in indoor settings.

-It takes a while for me to gather my thoughts. My brain is usually going 100mph and my mouth just doesn't connect with what my brain is trying to verbally express. My thoughts sometimes come out jumbled and even though I have a very high IQ these difficulties with simple communicative skills make me appear to be a little slow, or nervous, or crazy. When I am asked a question on the spot I have a hard time answering to right away. I often watch interviews with people and marvel at how quickly they can respond with little to no hesitation.

These issues have gotten better over the years, so I hope that with more time and practice these quirks will lessen more and more until I appear to be almost normal. Right now I'm a socially acceptable eccentric, but I don't like drawing attention to myself. The older I get the more normal I want to appear.

I am anxious around authority figures. I feel they look down on me and just listen to be polite. I know sometimes when I might present a good suggestion they just dismiss it as noise.

I'm good at recognising body language and all of that, but it doesn't really help you in social situations when you're extremely shy, except for when somebody jokes around with me I know to laugh, I don't take everything literally or seriously. But otherwise, I'd rather have better talking skills than just sitting there taking in all non-verbal cues but not being able to react to it properly. And I'm good with recognising other people's body language and everything, but I don't think I'm so good at giving off the right body language myself. Actually, I am - I'm good at giving off shy, unsociable body language, so yeah, I must be good at body language then.

I can say yes to almost all of these. I don't have issues with clingers per se, but being around people too much in general makes me anxious/flustered.

Whoever said about not being sure where to look... I suffer from this also. Big time on public transport. I try to avoid sitting opposite people because of that. Really uncomfortable.

- Sporadic "go with the flow" comments. Say your waiting with strangers for something, people sometimes make small talk with each other over something, I normally just sit there and say nothing

- Knowing what to say when a stranger initiates small talk with me.

- Developing decent acquaintances with everyone. I tend to unintentionally be rather selective in developing relations cause after a while I don't know what to say to certain people that I don't clique with

- Interrupting at times when I'm really excited and have something to say

- Not drifting the conversation off into a billion different directions when I'm really excited.

- Saying inappropriate things by accident. I've gotten a lot better at this one. One faux paus I made recently by accident was mentioning "asian fetishes" to my lab mentor. Thankfully he already knows I have aspergers.

- Not looking the most friendliest often times

- Coming off as very reserved unintentionally

- Giving too much detail

- Making phone calls and leaving messages. I often sound very uncertain and incompetent. I leave the worse messages. I'm ok at answering phone calls.

I do with strangers, not so much people who I'm with.

Here (Germany) everybody just ignores each other on public transport so you don't need to look at them. I always read a book or surf on my phone or write a text message or something like that. There's no need to look at anyone. My big problem in public transport is noise, because if you're trying to do any of the things I've just mentioned noise will disrupt it and I experience just about anything other than total silence as noise .