Am I asexual because i am autistic?

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Hey everyone, i have mentioned on an earlier post that i am currently in a relationship, however i do not feel comfortable. I don't like being touched by him and often don't know what to say when it's just the two of us, there was a time when i slept over his house and it was just an hour of silence because i didn't know what to say.

I know i am Asexual, i have no sexual desire and no real sexual attraction, (although i can recognize when a person is attractive) i also know that it isn't uncommon for people on the spectrum to be asexual.

do you think there is a connection between the two?

i feel i may be socially underdeveloped and cannot have advanced relationships yet. I mean, i haven't even mastered small talk yet. i just recently learned how to keep up basic personal hygiene.

They do seem to be linked.

I don't think it's a matter of being 'socially underdeveloped', though. I think it's just having a different set of wiring for the areas that normally produce sexual desire.

As you could plainly see in the Love and Dating Section, many Aspie/Autistics ARE sexual people.

I'm thinking, ZombieBride, that maybe this isn't the right guy for you. Maybe if you meet the right guy, you'll feel the desire for affection.

I didn't know you had a boyfriend, by the way. Is he autistic as well?

no hes neurotypical, i dont dislike him, i just dont like being touched by anyone, its the feeling of flesh its gross, and the smell that people have and the sound peoples stomachs and voices make.

That's pretty rough, ZombieBride.

What made you guys get together?

If you just like him as a friend, just tell him.

i like being with him and talking to him, i trust him. I'm basically with him because he likes me and i have a hard time saying no. I dont want to hurt his feelings. I don't not want to be his girlfriend i would rather just not be touched, kissed, held or otherwise.

That's your right, ZombieBride. It's your body.

I know you don't want to hurt him--but you have to tell him this. Otherwise, he might want to touch/kiss, etc.

Did you graduate high school--or are you going back next September?

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 25 Jun 2015, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's possible. Different parts of the brain work together in ways we still don't understand so it's totally possible that the parts that deals with autism and the parts that deal with sexuality can affect one another. But I don't try to look for a reason anymore... what matter is that asexuality is a truth for me right now.

Non-sexual / non-romantic committed relationships are totally a thing, too.

If you keep going along with it, your resentment will build up. Maybe you could have a discussion about people having different sex drives and how that is best dealt with.

Even aside from neurology, I think there's two factors which could contribute to the autism/asexuality connection.

1. Lots of people like to be "normal"; they don't want any kind of label that seperates them from other people. (Some people even get offended by labels that put them in with the majority, like "cigender" or "neurotypical.") I think a lot of people will hide or deny traits that are hideable or deniable--neurodiverse, mentally ill, non-heterosexual, transgender, transvestite, being a man who's interested in fashion design, etc--but once a person identifies themselves as one kind of "weird" it sort of frees them up to be other kinds of weird, so they are likely to identify as more than one of the minority categories. Maybe you start to think being weird isn't so bad, or maybe it just feels inevitable so there's no use fighting it. In fact, you might even be happy about finding more minority categories for yourself, because finding a tiny community of people to share your trait with is usually more enjoyable than pretending to share a trait with the majority.

2. I think a lot of people who don't feel sexual attraction sometimes enjoy sex for other reasons, and therefore they will identify themselves as straight or bi/pan despite their attraction orientation. Asexual people are probably more likely to identify as asexual if they don't like sex. In your case, at least one of your reasons for disliking sex is related to autism (hypersensitivity).

All that aside, if you don't want to be his girlfriend, it's probably less painful for both of you to dump him sooner rather than later. Of course, if you would like to be his girlfriend on the condition that it was a non-sexual non-touchy relationship, it's probably worth a shot to bring it up. It's pretty rare for people to want that (which sucks for the people who do want that), but there's always that tiny chance he's one of them.

Asexuality is somewhat confusing to me, since many accounts online from real ppl say that they masturbate while they're still asexual. Asexuality by the word means NO sexuality, by definition, absense of sexuality. If most asexuals masturbate then that means they still have a remnant of sexuality in them.

I consider myself bisexual, and sometimes asexual.
Sometimes I like just to feel and appreciate attractive bodies (females, and feminine men, very few full masculine male types), and sometimes I have no sexual desire and feel bad in the presense of a significant other that wants sex, cuddling, or sensual attention. Though cuddling is my favorite mode.

Sounds like your autism trumps your sexuality.
You may be attracted , but don't want to be touched, etc.

Seems to me you are somewhat sexual, but
only to a degree, due to your autism.

I personally get turned off if the person moves too much.
Too much sensory stimulation for me, and I can't concentrate.
Sometimes I think I'd have a better time with a statue than an actual person.
Though I need the reciprocal affection a statue can't provide.

You need to tell the NT how you feel.
Although you may lose him. Or he may stay and accomodate you.
NTs are very fickle, I don't see him staying, and putting up with
a limited version of what he (or she) needs. NTs are shrewd and calculating like that.

Don't do it if you don't enjoy it.

Seems you like the company and attention.
And not the rest. That's ok.
Find someone who appreciate what you like.
It's hard looking around for these unicorns,
but the pay off is worth it when you find the right one.

I have a theory that many people on the spectrum are asexual because since childhood they have taken medications that have the side effect of suppressing the libido.

You can still masturbate and yet not find anyone else attractive and never want to have sex. And since asexual, outside of humans, goes to plants which reproduce by themselves, wouldn't having sex with yourself be closer to the original meaning?

I've tried it once and not entirely sure I will try it again. I was weirded out if I'm honest. And I haven't ever made it through a whole bit of porn because it weirds me the hell out. I do not find anyone attractive nor want to have sex. I mean that might change but at the moment I doubt it. I think that's considered asexuality.

If you don't want to be with him, you have a responsibility and obligation to tell him so. Right now, he thinks this relationship is what you both want. You also have a responsibility to yourself not to do anything physical that you don't enjoy. It is not better to just let him touch you if you don't enjoy it. At least tell him that much; that sex is not enjoyable for you (and that he can't do anything to make it better for you, or he may want to 'try harder'). If he chooses to stay and to modify your relationship so that sex is not involved, you will be more comfortable. If he chooses not to stay in the relationship, you will be more comfortable.
The way I see it, you can tell him now and possibly hurt him a little bit, or you can tell him later and hurt him much more. The compassionate thing to do is to be honest with him.

As far as asexuality, the term does not necessarily mean that a person has no sexual expression whatsoever, simply that a person is not sexually attracted to other people of either gender. Some asexual people don't have any desire for anything sexual, and that is ok, but some have physically sexual feelings or experience pleasurable sexual stimulation without feeling attracted to others. So an asexual person can enjoy themselves, but they may not use pornography to stimulate their mind, the experience may be physical only. (I've enjoyed myself a few times without porn, without using mental fantasies and just enjoying the physical sensation of touching my body in different places and different ways. It can be enjoyable.)